More Interviews From Hell!

Bill Kaulitz wanders around the room. Max Green follows.

Bill looks behind the pillow on a sofa. "Jesus, Max. It's not funny when you take my things to begin with. Why in the world would it be funnier if you hid them from me?"

Max: "It just is, okay? It's... you wouldn't get it."

Bill: "God da-- Just TELL ME WHERE IT IS."

Max: "Then there goes the mystery."

Bill: "GOD--"

Xenophobe watches the charade from the sofa. "Are you almost done? J.C. and I need to get this done. We have, like, seven bands to interview to do today, and you're holding us up."

Skellington: "Oh! Sorry, Paige, if we're wasting your time."

Paige: "Whatever."

Bill: "MAX. Tell me where it--"

The ceiling rumbles, causing everyone to look up.

Bill: "What's that?"

Xenophobe: "Gerard Way lives in the ceiling."

Max: "No."

Xenophobe nods.

Paige: "I'd really like to meet him."

Skellington: "Him? Really?... He's lame, baby."

Paige: "You're a crap."

Skellington: "I'm not a crap, baby. I'm the crap, baby."

Paige rolls her eyes.

Xenophobe: "Well, the way it sounds, you will pretty soon."

Satan walks in, holding hands with Tyranny.

Skellington: "Well, look at the love birds."

Xenophobe looks at Skellington. "They're not the only ones."

Paige: "I'm sorry, Xena. You're sorely mistaking."

Satan and Tyranny sit down.

Xenophobe: "Where have you two been?"

Satan: "We were down at the cafe. They have the best danishes."

Xenophobe: "You can afford it?"

Satan: "Who do you think I am, your boss?"

Skellington: "Ooh, ouch!"

Xenophobe: "Skellington, you're poorer than Rob. In fact, you're poor, he's rich. And yes, you are a crap."

Paige: "Zing."

Bill: "Seriously, Max. You're about to owe me so much money. And a new ID. God, you're so--" he checks the closet again for his wallet.

Max: "You already looked in there!"

Bill: "Swear to god--"

Gerard falls from the ceiling.

Xenophobe: "Heyy, Grr-Rawr!"

Gerard: "I told you not to call me that."

Skellington: "Don't worry. Sometimes she calls me 'Sk8er Boi'."

Xenophobe: "J.C. Stop being a dick. Paige isn't impressed by your stupid lies and pick-up lines. And we need to get this interview done."

Bill: "Max Tell me where the damn wallet is!"

Gerard slowly pulls Bill's wallet from his back pocket.

Bill turns to Max. "Max?! You gave the wallet to Gerard?! What the hell. What. The. Hell."

Gerard stands and starts running around the room. "Catch me! Catch me! I know you can't catch me!"

Max runs with him.

Bill rubs his forehead.

Xenophobe: "C'mon. You can't tell me those legs of yours can't run fast enough."

Bill nods, takes two long strides and snatches the wallet from Gerard.

Paige: "Oh, hell!" she stands. "I'm impressed."

Bill approaches Paige. "That's right. I can do that any time."

Skellington stands. "Hey. I can run too, baby."

Xenophobe: "J.C., sit. We need to do this interview."

Max: "... Bet you can't find your car keys."

Bill: "What?! Max--"

Max starts running around the room and Gerard joins him.

Skellington pouts.

Xenophobe: "What's wrong?"

Skellington: "Nobody likes me."

Xenophobe: "Hey. I like you, Jakey."

Skellington: "You don't count. And since when do you call me Jakey."

Xenophobe: "Since when don't I count? I hate the I 'don't count'. What makes me any different? Is it because--"

Skellington: "You don't like me, Xena. Forget it."

Xenophobe: "I do so! Just because I don't want to 'be' with you doesn't mean I don't love you. Honestly, you guys are my best friends. Even Tania. Hell, I haven't even had a decent fight with anyone lately. Except for Cassadee. Whom of which, liked you. And who wouldn't. If you would just be yourself. Who wouldn't like their own life-sized Jack Skellington? I totally would."

Skellington: "You wouldn't."

Xenophobe: "That's only because I wanted Rob for so long. Oh my god. I used to be so afraid of him, but he was just so attractive. Honestly, his charisma was through the roof, and he smelled so nice, oh, and he's such a snappy dresser, oh my god, I just wanted to rip his clothes off--"

Skellington: "You're off subject."

Xenophobe: "Sorry. What I mean... there's something special about you. I like it, Tania likes it, Satan likes it, and sure, Bill may hate it, but someone loves you. Let it happen when it does. 'Kay?" she kisses his cheek.

This catches Paige's attention. "Hey--"

Rob appears in the doorway. "Xena, is everything alright?"

Xenophobe: "This is really hard. We haven't even started the interview. And Gerard, Bill and Max keep running around."

Rob sits next to Xenophobe. "Hey," he whispers, "Looks like Satan and Tania are lezzing out."

Xenophobe giggles. "Satan's not a girl."

Rob throws his arm around her. "I know."

Max falls over, completely tired out. "The keys are in my back pocket. Just let me rest, Bill. Ahh."

Gerard lies next to him. "... I think you're cute."

Max: "Really?"

Gerard nods.

Bill sits on Max's legs and takes the keys from his pocket. "Quit flirting. We all know you two are in love." he stands and leaves the room.

Gerard and Max hold hands, smiling at each other.

Skellington and Paige stand, staring at each other, while the others romance.

Skellington: "Paige, I'm sorry that I've acted like a fool. It's not me. I'm just... a fool. I think you're pretty and you smell nice, and I just thought--"

Paige: "Don't be hard on yourself. I think you're adorable. You're all... I don't know. I don't care. Wanna go do something?"

Skellington: "Well, I have enough for greasy-- or... Chinese food... enough for two, anyway... wanna get something to eat?"

Paige: "Greasy Chinese food beats anything I've been eating! Let's get going."

The two hold hands and leave the room.

Rob: "... I thought we were supposed to interview, not arrange future orgies."

Xenophobe: "I can't wait."