Gaunt

March 3, 2009

I can feel my heartbeat
getting slower each day.
I can feel my lungs shrivel
harder to breathe each day.
When I get out of bed
I fall right back down
because I
can’t hold myself up or
see quite straight.

But what hurts the most
is knowing
no matter how much I starve
my body still eats itself.

Can’t ever stop
fucking
eating.



March 11, 2009

For breakfast
I filled my bowl with air
and ate every last bite.
I was proud of myself
for finally eating,
delighted by the thought
of tricking my own body.

For lunch
I ate three piece of celery
and thought about
how many calories I must be burning
chewing this shit.

For dinner
I made myself a plate
of angel hair
and set it on my bathroom floor
while I sat in front of the toilet,
and together
we made fun of the angel hair,
and eventually
we killed it.



March 20, 2009

While getting dressed
I fainted.
Woke up
with a bruise on my tailbone
to the sound
of my stomach
eating itself.
I haven’t been this satisfied
since my heart last stopped.