Sugar, We're Going... On A Cruise!?
The Death of Frank
“Hey… where’s Frankie?” Gerard asked. When no one answered he started to breathe all panicky and screamed, “WHERE IS MY FRANKIE DOES ANYONE KNOW?!?!”
Bob cleared his throat. “Um… no,” he lied.
Gerard started to run around in a frenzy, opening drawers, looking behind doors, searching anywhere for Frank! Meanwhile, Bob was becoming more and more, fidgety. He’d sent Frank to deliver that letter over an hour ago. Gerard had been prowling around, trying to find a member of FOB or P!ATD to jump out at and scare. He’d only just returned, grumpy that he hadn’t found anyone, and Frank should be back by now.
“Bob sent him to deliver a note to Pete or Fall Out Boy or whoever,” Ray said lazily from his seat slouched across an armchair.
“You weren’t supposed to tell!” shouted Bob.
“Yeah, Toro,” gloated Mikey, “I kept my word.”
“You know you would have done the same thing if I hadn’t beaten you to it,” said Ray in a disgusted voice. Mikey hung his head.
But at this time Gerard looked like he was going to explode any moment. Everyone kind of backed away from him.
“You’re out of the band!” yelled Gerard.
It took Bob a minute to comprehend what Gerard had said. Then he kind of looked around, in case Gee was talking to someone else. When it was obvious he was not, Bob burst into tears.
“B-but I didn’t m-mean it!” he cried. “I was ju-just trying to h-help!”
“You can help me by getting out of my face!” yelled Gerard. “Frank could be in big trouble because of you.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Ray said thoughtfully, “I’m all for giving up Bob, but we need a drummer, don’t we?”
“Eh,” Gerard waved his hand dismissively. “There’s tons of ‘em. Drummers are very replaceable, you know.”
“Okay.”
Bob fell to the ground sobbing harder and harder. “No!” he wept. “Gee, no, please! Give me another chance!”
“No!” said Gerard, who was now crying also, brought to tears by thoughts of Frank alone and injured somewhere. “No, Bobert! I’ve given you to many chances already!”
“Gerard PLEASE!” Bob screamed, as if Gee was about to kill him. It was a very emotion moment. Finally, Gerard, speaking over Bob’s sobs, said in a dangerously quiet voice, “Out. Get out.”
Bob drug himself to his feet and walked extremely slowly to the door, in case Gerard changed him mind. Which he did, in a way.
“Bob,” Gerard called, and Bob rushed back to him like an obedient puppy. “Before you go, I have one thing to ask you.”
If Bob were just a little smarter, he would have told Gerard nothing until Gerard agreed to keep him in the band. But he was not.
“Where did you find the members of Fall Out Boy to deliver the note?”
Brendon stopped tickling Frank and said in a stunned voice, “I think we killed him.”
Everyone else stopped, too. Frank had stopped moving, stopped struggling, stopped doing anything.
“Uh-oh,” said Ryan. “I think we may be in trouble here.”
“No – no, it’s okay,” Pete said, glancing around, “We can just find a – a closet or something to stuff him in.”
“Not in our room!” yelled Jon. “That would give us away!”
Patrick, his eyes wide with shock, had backed up against the wall. Andy’s mouth kept opening and closing, and he looked like he might throw up.
“I DIDN’T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN!!!” Spencer shrieked.
“Calm down, people,” said Jon, “All we have to do is take him down to like, I dunno, the boiler room or something, and desert him.”
Hobo Joe, who was still passed out on the bed, groaned and muttered something in his sleep.
“Let’s go,” said Brendon.
So Brendon and Jon took off carrying Frank down the halls, with Spencer scouting ahead and Ryan scouting behind.
“This is a good place,” Jon said suddenly, swerving into the room where they washed the laundry.
Frank was so small, they were able to stuff him into one of the dryers. They then ran off.
Frank would wake up, as anyone who has passed out from violent tickling does, hours later, awoken by a woman come down to wash her laundry, and wonder why he was curled up so tightly, why the world looked like a bubble, and why his body ached so. He would then realize he was looking out the curved window of a clothes dryer, and remember all the tickling. Then he would run off to be comforted by Gerard, not even offering an explanation to the stunned lady.
Bob cleared his throat. “Um… no,” he lied.
Gerard started to run around in a frenzy, opening drawers, looking behind doors, searching anywhere for Frank! Meanwhile, Bob was becoming more and more, fidgety. He’d sent Frank to deliver that letter over an hour ago. Gerard had been prowling around, trying to find a member of FOB or P!ATD to jump out at and scare. He’d only just returned, grumpy that he hadn’t found anyone, and Frank should be back by now.
“Bob sent him to deliver a note to Pete or Fall Out Boy or whoever,” Ray said lazily from his seat slouched across an armchair.
“You weren’t supposed to tell!” shouted Bob.
“Yeah, Toro,” gloated Mikey, “I kept my word.”
“You know you would have done the same thing if I hadn’t beaten you to it,” said Ray in a disgusted voice. Mikey hung his head.
But at this time Gerard looked like he was going to explode any moment. Everyone kind of backed away from him.
“You’re out of the band!” yelled Gerard.
It took Bob a minute to comprehend what Gerard had said. Then he kind of looked around, in case Gee was talking to someone else. When it was obvious he was not, Bob burst into tears.
“B-but I didn’t m-mean it!” he cried. “I was ju-just trying to h-help!”
“You can help me by getting out of my face!” yelled Gerard. “Frank could be in big trouble because of you.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Ray said thoughtfully, “I’m all for giving up Bob, but we need a drummer, don’t we?”
“Eh,” Gerard waved his hand dismissively. “There’s tons of ‘em. Drummers are very replaceable, you know.”
“Okay.”
Bob fell to the ground sobbing harder and harder. “No!” he wept. “Gee, no, please! Give me another chance!”
“No!” said Gerard, who was now crying also, brought to tears by thoughts of Frank alone and injured somewhere. “No, Bobert! I’ve given you to many chances already!”
“Gerard PLEASE!” Bob screamed, as if Gee was about to kill him. It was a very emotion moment. Finally, Gerard, speaking over Bob’s sobs, said in a dangerously quiet voice, “Out. Get out.”
Bob drug himself to his feet and walked extremely slowly to the door, in case Gerard changed him mind. Which he did, in a way.
“Bob,” Gerard called, and Bob rushed back to him like an obedient puppy. “Before you go, I have one thing to ask you.”
If Bob were just a little smarter, he would have told Gerard nothing until Gerard agreed to keep him in the band. But he was not.
“Where did you find the members of Fall Out Boy to deliver the note?”
Brendon stopped tickling Frank and said in a stunned voice, “I think we killed him.”
Everyone else stopped, too. Frank had stopped moving, stopped struggling, stopped doing anything.
“Uh-oh,” said Ryan. “I think we may be in trouble here.”
“No – no, it’s okay,” Pete said, glancing around, “We can just find a – a closet or something to stuff him in.”
“Not in our room!” yelled Jon. “That would give us away!”
Patrick, his eyes wide with shock, had backed up against the wall. Andy’s mouth kept opening and closing, and he looked like he might throw up.
“I DIDN’T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN!!!” Spencer shrieked.
“Calm down, people,” said Jon, “All we have to do is take him down to like, I dunno, the boiler room or something, and desert him.”
Hobo Joe, who was still passed out on the bed, groaned and muttered something in his sleep.
“Let’s go,” said Brendon.
So Brendon and Jon took off carrying Frank down the halls, with Spencer scouting ahead and Ryan scouting behind.
“This is a good place,” Jon said suddenly, swerving into the room where they washed the laundry.
Frank was so small, they were able to stuff him into one of the dryers. They then ran off.
Frank would wake up, as anyone who has passed out from violent tickling does, hours later, awoken by a woman come down to wash her laundry, and wonder why he was curled up so tightly, why the world looked like a bubble, and why his body ached so. He would then realize he was looking out the curved window of a clothes dryer, and remember all the tickling. Then he would run off to be comforted by Gerard, not even offering an explanation to the stunned lady.