Sugar, We're Going... On A Cruise!?

After the old lady left, Spencer said, “She scares me.” Everyone else nodded their agreement.

There were three restaurants on the ship (like the Titanic! gasp!) and Pete said they should go to the most expensive one because “Phatrick is paying.”
But, fortunately, Panic! said they would pay for their own, and Patrick was relived. After all, Pete only paid him so much…
After they ordered (Pete got the most expensive thing, duh, which he was just going to eat then force himself to throw up again), Andy said, “Let’s sing happy birthday to Patrick and give him presents!!”
“Yay!” Ryan clapped his hands with excitement.
And they all pulled their gifts from out of nowhere and put them on the table! and then sang happy birthday.
“My birthday isn’t even until tomorrow!” Patrick exclaimed with surprise.
“Yes, but we can’t wait!” Pete grinned evilly. “I got you something good, Phatrick.”
Patrick was afraid.
“Open mine first!” yelled Ryan.
“NO!!!!!!!!!” screamed Pete, and everyone else in the dining room looked at him. A girl a few tables over said, “Lookie! It’s Pete Wentz! Can I have your autograph?!”
Pete ignored her and said, “Phatrick Plump is going to open my present first!”
Joe burst into giggles at ‘Phatrick Plump’, and gave Pete a high five.
“Way to go!” he said. “That must have taken you forever to come up with!”
Pete frowned. “It didn’t take me that long… Are you saying I’m STUPID?!?!”
“What – I – No – It’s not –” Joe stuttered, but Pete had already gotten over his anger and had shoved his huge present at Patrick.
“Open it,” he giggled.
Even though Patrick was deathly afraid of what the box might contain, he opened it, and let out a girly scream – the third one! – and dived under the table as a bunch of those springy-snake-coil-things came bursting out. Brendon, also, fell out of his seat in surprise, and almost everyone made a surprised noise of some sort.
Pete laughed. “It’s okay, Patty! Just a joke! Come look! There’s something else!”
When Patrick got over his shock, he crawled back into his seat. Much to his astonishment, there actually was a real gift at the bottom of the box. Jeans. But as Patrick pulled them out, he discovered that they were skinny jeans, and much too small for them.
“Pete…” Patrick said, uncertainly, “These aren’t my size…”
“I know,” said Pete, “I got them for me! I’ll put them on right now!”
But as he got up to take off his pants – and Patrick closed his eyes – Andy said warningly, “Peter! Remember what I told you about changing in the middle of restaurants?”
Pete stomped his foot but sat back down.
“Mine next?” asked Ryan, hopefully, nudging his gift towards Patrick.
“No,” said Joe, throwing a small, squishy, badly-newspaper-wrapped package at Patrick. He caught it and opened it, and drew back with disgust when he saw what it was.
“Ewww,” said Pete, just as disgusted, “It’s an unwashed sock, Joey.”
“No, it’s washed,” Joe corrected him, “It’s just old.”
“Why one sock though?” asked Jon. “I at least would’ve given him two.”
“No, but see, here’s the good part. It’s fun, right?”
“What’s fun, Joe?” asked Andy, gently.
“Looking for the other sock! My parents always used to do this with me, too! We were poor – they could only afford one sock – and every Christmas they’d give me a sock and then I’d have to look for the other one! It’s like a game!”
“So… you’ve hidden the other one somewhere?” Patrick asked.
“What? No, I don’t have the other one.”
“How am I supposed to find it, then?”
“Well, your best bet would be to go to thrift stores – that’s what I always did.”
Joe’s eyes were wide with excitement and it appeared as if he was having a hard time containing himself. No one ever looked at Joe quite the same way again.
“Anyway, my turn,” said Andy, and gave Patrick his present.
“Andy!” exclaimed Patrick. “This isn’t your cookie cutter collection, is it?”
“Not the whole thing, only the ones I thought you might like,” said Andy proudly.
Among the twenty-or-so cookie cutters was one that looked like a spaceship and one shaped like a chicken leg.
“Thank you… so much…” Patrick stuttered, trying to keep his emotions in. “You don’t know how much this means…”
“I had to many, anyway,” said Andy, embarrassed. “Also there’s a book with instructions on how to make the bestest paper snowflakes eva!!”
Patrick was about to reply but Ryan couldn’t hold in his excitement anymore and exclaimed, “Now me!”
“Okay, buddy, you next,” Brendon smiled and chuckled in a fatherly way.
Ryan’s gift was just a bunch of those foam shapes glued together, and didn’t seem to have any real form or anything.
“Aw, man!” said Ryan, looking sad, “The seashells fell off! But it’s okay! I’ll glue ‘em back on for you!”
“Thank you,” said Patrick, and he really was grateful, because at least this gift hadn’t jumped out of its wrapping and at least it was clean.
Brendon’s gift was an extra, extra, extra, extra large T-shirt that said, ‘I <3 Brendon Urie’, but it was waaaaaaaaaaay to big for Patrick.
“Pete said it was your size…” Brendon said.
Spencer’s gift was a pair of cheap, wooden drumsticks, but he had drawn hearts and other little things all over them.
Jon’s gift was a piece of wrinkled, lined paper. It had a poem on it that read, ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn’t get you anything for your birthday so you don’t have to get me anything for mine’.
“Merry birthday, Patrick!” yelled Brendon.
Patrick thought that this was maybe the best birthday he’d ever had, and maybe this trip wouldn’t turn out to be so bad anyway!
Little did he know of the events to come….