Learn From Cigarette Burns

I bit my lip in an attempt to keep the shy smile off of my face as the sound of John’s voice poured softly from the receiver, the exact words he was saying too explicit to repeat. I sighed quietly to myself and then straightened up my posture when there was a knock on the front door.

“Hold on babe,” I said softly. John muttered a faint ‘okay’ so I called out to whoever was outside that the door was open. I waited anxiously as the footsteps echoed throughout the empty building, and a few seconds later my dad walked around the corner.

“Hey sweetheart,” He greeted me, “I brought you some lunch.” He said, holding up a bag from a nearby gas station. More than likely it contained chicken strips and potato wedges.

“Hey pops,” I replied, “pull up a chair.” I said, motioning to the collection of new bar stools that I had just bought. I held up a finger, signaling that I would be back in a minute. I waited until I was outside in the cool shade of a nearby to that I picked up my conversation with my husband.

“Sorry,” I apologized, “my dad showed up with some lunch.”

“Lunch? It’s damn near three-thirty over there.” He laughed.

“Is it?” I gasped. “Shit, the day’s almost done and I haven’t done crap yet!”

“Being lazy again, huh?”

“You’re the one that called me up and got my sidetracked.” I accused. “You’re the culprit here, O’Callaghan.”

John laughed loudly at my accusation and then let out a love sick sigh. “Well, I guess I have kept you on the line for two hours. I can let you go have a late lunch with your dad.”

“Two hours?! Johno,” I smiled, “you’re ignoring all those fan girls of yours. There’s going to be talk about how you’re such a jerk and don’t want to talk to fans.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed, “no matter what I do there will always been those people who will make shit up. I suppose you’re right though. Plus we’re due to go on stage in a few minutes.”

“Babe,” I grinned, “you’d better get your happy ass over there before you cause a riot.”

“Alright,” he replied, rather reluctantly, “I love you sweetheart.”

“Love you too, O’Callaghan.” I said.

“Give my babies hugs and kisses for me.”

“I will,” I promised, “you just stay out of trouble, mister.”

“Always,” he laughed, “I’ll give you a call later, babe. Good bye.”

“Bye.” I whispered softly.

Before I was ready for it, the line went dead and I was left with merely my loneliness once again. I stared at the cell phone in my hand as if merely staring at it was enough to bring my husband home to me.

“Baby girl?”

I looked up and saw my dad watching me from the backdoor.

“Sweetie, lunch is getting cold.” He said. “Why don’t you come on inside?”

I forced aside my lonely feelings and put on a smile. “Alright,” I replied, shoving my phone into my pocket.

I hurried inside, anxious to get out of the heat. I joined my dad at the bar where he was already devouring a chicken strip slathered with ranch dressing. He eyed me as I sat down and then swallowed the food in his mouth before he spoke up.

“What’s troubling you, sweetie?” He asked. “Is it stress from opening up your own business finally getting to you?”

“No,” I sighed, “I’m just getting lonesome for Johno.”

“Ah,” my dad said, nodding his head slowly. “I see.”

“It was his birthday last week,” I said, “did you know that?”

“Let me guess, that was the day you brought over a cake you had baked, only to eat a majority of it yourself?”

I felt myself blush slightly. “Yeah … that was the day.”

“How long until he’ll be home?”

“Two weeks,” I mumbled, “I can’t wait. The kids miss him like crazy.” I paused, poking at the bag of chicken strips placed before me, “I miss him like crazy, too.” I added. “I don’t think I’ve ever missed him this much before.”

“Is that why you’ve been trying to keep yourself busy here at the bar when there’s nothing really to do with it yet?”

“If I just stay at home I’ll think of Johno too much,” I confessed.

“So that’s why you conned your cousin into watching not only your kids, but your nephew as well? So you can come and mope around an empty building?”

“No,” I said defensively, “I’ve been coming over to look over all the new construction they’ve been doing.”

“Sweetie, you don’t necessarily need to be here while they do all that.” My dad pointed out.

I looked up, staring at the man I considered my own personal Superman, and then sighed softly. “Fine,” I muttered, “it’s just … when I’m at home I feel so alone. Everywhere I turn there’s something to remind me of John and it makes it hurt even more because the fact is that he’s not here. He’s clear across the country.”

“Oh, Dee,” my dad sighed quietly, “he’ll be home soon.”

“Not soon enough,” I mumbled. “It’s so weird, you know. I’m used to just picking up and hoping on an airplane whenever it got to this point, but now I can’t.” I paused momentarily, licking my lips. “Kennedy brought Liz along on this tour. I almost feel like I should be there with them too, you know? Me and Liz would be hanging out at the merch booth, talking, bull shittin’ about the guys and the sleezy girls that walk through, eyeing us in dislike because we’re the girlies of the boys in the band.”

Despite (or perhaps because of) the pathetic sound of my voice, my dad laughed in amusement and then shook his head. “Wait until the kids get a little bit older,” he said, “and then you’ll be able to go back out and do all that kind of stuff again.”

“And what about the kids?” I questioned. “Are you volunteering that you and mom will watch them for us?”

My dad shrugged his shoulders. “Take ‘em with you.”

“Dad, tour is no place to have kids.”

“When you were, let’s see, seven months old, your mom and I took you on a cattle drive and you did just fine.”

I stared at my dad, trying to figure out if he actually said what I thought he said. “A cattle drive?” I repeated. “A … real, full blown cattle drive?”

My dad laughed nervously and shrugged in a noncommittal way. “It was one of those sort of reenactment things, with a covered wagon for the food, some cowboys on horses, leading the cattle from one end of the state to the other …” He trailed off, shoving a chicken strip into his mouth so that he had an excuse to stop talking.

“Dad?! I was seven months old? Meaning that mom was five months pregnant with brother? What were you two thinking?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he muttered through a mouthful of chicken. “The point is that you did fine on the cattle drive. The twins will do just fine on tour for a few days or so.”

I opened my mouth to reply, but thought it better if I’d just let the whole conversation go. Instead, I picked up a chicken strip, dipped it in some ranch, and then took a bite of it, letting my mind forget about my husband, my kids, the cattle drive I would have to look more into later on, and simply tried to relax in the company of my dad. No matter how much I tried, though, I couldn’t help but wonder if somewhere on the other side of the country, my husband was missing me just as much I was missing him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

A light breeze blew through outside our bus, sending my hair into my eyes. I shook my head once, forcing the troublesome hairs aside before turning my attention back to my phone. Unable to help myself, I smiled as I looked through the pictures of my wife and kids.

“What’s up, Johno?”

I looked up and watched as Kennedy took a seat beside me.

“What are you up to, Kennedy?”

Kennedy shrugged his shoulders as he propped his feet up on the empty chair across from us. “Nothing much,” he said, “ … we got a few minutes until we gotta head over to the stage. I just … wanted to talk to you about something first.”

“Yeah?” I asked quietly.

When he didn’t respond immediately, I examined his expression, trying to find any sort of hint that would give away what was on his mind. His hazel eyes were on the ground, though, and I couldn’t read anything on his face.

“What is it, Kennedy?” I asked gently. “Is everything okay?”

“I’ve just been thinking,” he replied. “About me and Liz. And … can I ask you something, Johno?”

“Sure.”

“How did you know that you wanted to marry Dee?” He asked quietly, almost shyly. “That it was the right thing?”

Knowing where he was heading, I let a happy smile pull across my face once again.

“I don’t really know how to explain it.” I said. “You’re thinking about asking Liz to marry you?”

Once again, Kennedy shrugged his shoulders. I laughed quietly and leaned over, nudging him with my elbow.

“How long have you been thinking about it?” I wondered aloud.

“The past couple of weeks,” he admitted.

“Everybody’s different when it comes to these things, Kennedy,” I said, “but, for me … I thought about asking Dee to marry me every single day for at least a year before I finally asked her. When I finally stopped thinking about … everything … that’s when I knew it was the right thing.”

“What do you mean you ‘stopped’ thinking?” Kennedy asked.

“I thought a lot about what our life would be like if we got married. I thought about what our parents would think if we got engaged so young. I thought about if I was really the right guy to take care of her.” I shrugged. “I guess in short I was just worrying about everything. When I stopped worrying, and just thought about how much I loved her … that’s when I asked her.”

“You looked at her and instead of wondering ‘what if’ …”

“I dropped down on one knee and asked her to marry me.” I finished his thought for him. “Well, actually I didn’t drop down on one knee when I proposed but …” I trailed off, laughing quietly to myself.

“I think I might have a ways to go yet,” Kennedy said, “before I ask Liz to marry me.”

“Second thoughts or too much worrying?”

“Too much worrying,” he replied. “Way too much.” He sighed quietly to himself.

“Just don’t force yourself to make a decision.” I advised. “Because then … you’ll probably make the wrong choice.”

My remark earned a soft laugh from Kennedy and he nodded his head in agreement. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before I sighed to myself and looked at the time on my phone.

“We should probably head on over to the stage,” I said, “they’ll probably be looking for us pretty soon.”

“Yeah,” Kennedy muttered quietly.

Without another word, either of us stood up and made our way in silence.