Learn From Cigarette Burns

Smiling to myself, I watched from a distance as my fiancé took care of things at the merch booth. She had been able to pick up on the swing of things on the first day, and now, two weeks into tour, she's become a pro. Sharing a laugh with everyone who stops by the booth, she enjoys meeting our fans and new people just as much as we do.

Where I stood, no one else could see me unless they knew exactly where to look, so I was free to watch any one and every one without having to worry about them catching me in the act. It also meant that I was free to keep an eye on my fiancé, just in case some other guy came along and tried to steal her away from me. I know it's foolish to think that Dee would run off with another boy, but the truth is, when you're out here on the road there are plenty of people who are willing to pay you unwanted attention.

As I continued to watch, Dee bid goodbye to the two teenage girls who had been talking to her, and looked around momentarily before she took a seat and opened a binder that contained our plans for the wedding. With loving eyes, I continued to stare at her and seemed to loose all track of time.

I know that touring life is hectic, but until we started, I didn't realize how hard it would be for Dee and me to find time to ourselves. Although she's been with us this entire tour, it feels as if there are still some restrictions. Of course, I'm not able to kiss her and caress her in the ways I'm used to, and the way I want to because of the fact that we're sharing a van with four of our other friends, but the little small kisses here and there don't seem to be enough to satisfy me. I wish that just for a few minutes Dee and I could slip away from the rest of the crowd and spend some one on one time, talking, kissing, caressing ... and anything else that we may want to do at the moment.

Tearing my eyes from Dee, I glanced around and saw that none of my band mates were nearby, so I stepped out from my 'hiding spot' and made my way toward her. She had been so deeply engrossed in her work that she hadn't seen me approaching until I was standing just in front of the booth. She assessed me quickly with her brown stare and then smiled softly before she looked down to the binder.

"Where have you been, O'Callaghan?" She questioned.

"Hiding out, spying on you." I answered truthfully.

Her soft smile turned into a smirk as she continued to flip through the pages before her. "Making sure I don't run away with any of these scene kids or skater boys?" She called me out.

"Well ... kinda." I replied. "But mainly staring at you ... fantasizing."

Dee raised an eyebrow but didn't have the courage, or guts, to look up at me. "Fantasizing?" She repeated. "Give me an example."

At her request, I blushed softly and then shook my head, knowing that she could see me in her peripheral vision. This caused her to laugh quietly to herself.

"Is it that explicit?" She asked.

"Well ... yeah." I admitted.

"John Cornelius O'Callaghan." She grinned. "Babe, come sit with me." She demanded.

Doing as I was told, I made my way behind the merch table and gently eased myself down onto her lap. Taking the binder from her, I carefully balanced it on my lap and then leaned over, kissing her forehead gently. My fiancé hugged me back in response and then rested her head against my shoulder.

"We got some bad news about the wedding babe," she muttered.

I frowned, not liking her words for the fact that I wanted everything to be perfect on our wedding day for her sake. "What is it?" I whispered.

"The flowers I wanted for my bouquet, and the centerpieces," she sighed, "they're not going to be in season so we have to find different flowers."

"Oh," I said, definitely not having expected our 'bad news' to be about flowers. "Well, you can just pick whatever else you want."

"Johno," she whined, "you have to help me though."

"Sweetheart, you know how much trouble I gave you the first time around about these flowers," I laughed, "just narrow down what you like, and then I help you pick the final one, okay?"

Dee eyed me unhappily for a few moments before she finally nodded her head in agreement. "Fine." She muttered.

Even though she was a little upset with me, I couldn't help but smile to myself as I thought about how close our wedding actually was. I reached over, running my fingers through her hair, loving the texture of it on my hand.

Sometimes, late at night when Dee is sound asleep and I am suffering from a sudden case of insomnia, I'd lay there running my fingers through her hair. I don't know what it was, but for some reason it just relaxed me. I know it sounds weird, but it's always been a sort of security thing for me.

"Have we gotten any R.S.V.P.'s yet?" I asked softly.

The foul mood Dee was in as a result of the flowers lightened up and she nodded her head in a rather excited motion.

"Lot's." She said. "Well, I mean lots considering how much room we have for the ceremony. Almost every one we've invited has R.S.V.P'd."

"That's good." I told her. "How about your cousin from Massachusetts? Is she going to be able to make it?"

"Yes." She smiled. "She was the first one to tell me that she was gonna go."

Seeing her bright smile somehow managed to make me smile even more. Seeing the excited look in her eyes, I found myself wishing that our wedding was sooner than it actually was. If she was this happy and vibrant just planning the wedding, I could only imagine how she would be on the wedding day itself.

"Babe, I have to run out and grab some things in the van real fast." She said.

"No," I frowned, "don't go." I added in a dramatic manner.

Dee smiled at my reaction and placed her hands on my sides, caressing them underneath my shirt. Without warning, she leaned over and bit my bicep, not too hard but hard enough to make me jump up in surprise.

"Dee." I gasped, rubbing the tender spot on my upper arm. "What was that all about?"

"Watch the booth, babe." She instructed as she stood up.

As she walked past me, I reached over and smacked her butt hard, earning a gasp from her as she had earned from me.

"Cornelius." She hissed. "You asshole."

"You're the asshole for calling me that." I teased.

Although her back was to me, I could imagine her rolling her eyes at my response. She left me without another word, and I sighed heavily as I stared around the seemingly empty hallway. There were other booths set up nearby, but everyone who was managing them were deep in conversation with some visitors, leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

Restless, I grabbed a sharpie and started doodling on the empty spaces on the table. I wasn't aware of how much time had passed until Pat showed up and told me that we had a half an hour until we were expected to go up. Frowning to myself, I asked him to keep an eye on things while I hurried outside to look for Dee.

With millions upon millions of thoughts running through my mind, most of which were thoughts of the worse, I walked the now familiar path to where we had parked our van. I rounded one last corner and spotted Dee up ahead, arguing with two unfamiliar boys.

I didn't pay any attention to the words they were exchanging, but rather kept my eyes on Dee's angry expression and the body language of her unwanted visitors. Just as I was a few feet away from them, one of the boys reached up and grabbed Dee's arm. She jerked it away and stepped back, and just as the boy went to reach for her again I grabbed a hold of his shoulder, spinning him around, and punching him with all my strength behind it.

With nothing but anger fueling my actions, I punched him again, sending him to the ground and then jumped on top of him, thinking to continue punching him until I didn't have anymore strength left in me. Just as I went to hit him once more, though, someone pulled me away and I turned around, coming face to face with his friend.

Caught off guard by him, I stumbled out of the way of his swing and managed to land a punch just below his rib cage, knocking the wind out of him. As he doubled over, trying to catch his breath, I hit him again and again until he stumbled over his friend and fell to the ground. As the adrenaline got the best of me, I kicked the first guy in the side and for good measure before finally turning my attention back to Dee.

She stood there, her hands clasped over her mouth as she stared down at the boys on the ground with wide eyes.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" I whispered.

Her hands still over her mouth, she nodded her head. She made a move toward me, but then jumped back when one of the guys started moving. I knew that he wasn't going to go far, but because of the fact that I was pissed that someone had grabbed my fiancé in a forcible manner, I kicked them, not really know where my kick had actually landed.

Not wanting to be there any longer, I took Dee in my arms and led her back to the building. Underneath my protective embrace, she shivered as if she were the only one suffering from an Arctic breeze.

When we got back to the merch table, Pat eyed us questioningly but didn't ask anything. Taking a seat as Pat walked away, I pulled Dee onto my lap and held her closely, all the while trying not to think about what would have happened had I decided not to go out there.