What Happens When They Leave You.

Every since I told Ryley I cannot stop thinking about Aaron. He is in my every thought. It’s insane. My therapist tries to get me to talk about him, but I can’t. Every time I even think about talking about him, my heart shatters. He has my heart even though he is gone. I know it sounds crazy and mental but it isn’t. I am still in love with him. Everything I do reminds me of him, it’s incredible.

I remember when we first met. Some idiots were teasing me at school because everyone knew I was gay , they were pushing me and started calling me names, and then out of nowhere the new guy started defending me. I didn’t even see where he was coming from. The guys soon ran off and I began thinking him as an angel sent from heaven to look over me. Ever since that moment he protected me. I didn’t know why he did, and we didn’t talk very often but he was nice to me when we did talk. It was a Friday after school that he first called me a sweet name. He called me sweetie. I will remember this day forever. I was being pushed around by some guys and then I asked them to stop and they didn’t like that so they decided to start bashing me. It was painful, and horrible. I remember wondering where my saviour was, and thinking maybe he was sick of me and decided to let me rot in the school hallway. I wouldn’t be surprised; everyone seemed to desert me at one point in their life. I was laying on floor in the hallway when I saw him running up to me, he pushed my hair back from face and held my face in his hands. I will always remember the words he said “ sweetie, I am so sorry. I had to talk to one of my teachers. Are you okay? I am going to fucking kill them. How dare they do this to you.” I don’t know what happened the rest of the day, it was kind of a blur, I could only keep repeating how he called me sweetie, and it made me fall even more for him, if that was possible. From that moment he never left me alone, he even got transferred into every one of my classes. Extreme, I know, but it made me feel loved. It made me feel great. I loved it.
It had been a while since that incident happened, and we became great friends, and then he asked me out to dinner. We went to this wonderful restaurant and he told me how he felt about me. He was so nervous, he couldn’t stop shaking. It was adorable. By the end of the night we kissed and it felt amazing, like fireworks exploding within my body. I know it sounds so cliché but it’s the truth. You can never experience it unless it has happened to you. From that moment on we were never separated. He was always with me, and yes people started teasing him because we would hold hands and hug and kiss at school but he didn’t care. He just teased them back as well. I found it cute how he would protect me all the time.
I miss him terribly. I miss how he would protect me. I miss how he didn’t care what other people thought of us. I miss how he would hold me at night when I was scared and would tell me soothing words to help me get to sleep. I miss it all. I just hope that he is in a better place. A place where they treat him with respect, and make him feel loved.

It was now 5 o’clock, time for the group session. Oh fun. I just love the group sessions, being asked how you have been and been told that you should share your feelings. Maybe I am not in the mood to share my feelings.
I got up of my bed and looked around for Ryley. I hadn’t seen him all day. Maybe he had made new friends, hopefully. He seemed a bit lonely. He really is an understand person, when I told him everything he just held me. I kind of forgot what it was like to have a friend. Apart from Aaron, I never really had a friend. It’s kind of nice.
“Skylar, are you in here?” I heard Ryley’s voice. I looked towards the door and saw him at the doorframe.
“Yeah, your staring right at me,” I giggled.
He blushed and bowed his head,” I’m a bit blind sometimes.”
“ It’s alright,” I smiled at him and got up to meet him at the door. I was already fully dressed.
“Are you ready to go?” Ryley asked moving out the way so I could get out of the door.
I nodded and closed the door behind me and we made our way to the function room. The function room was where every group meeting was held and any social events they decided to put on for us was. It was quite a large room. When you went inside it looked like a long hall, but it wasn’t. There was usually a circle of chairs set up in the centre of the room. There was an upstairs part of this function room, but I had never been up there. It looked amazing though. There was also a small stage towards the stairs. I think they run a theatre group here to keep us entertained. They should let us go out with our families every once in a while, they would definitely keep me happy.
“Let’s get this over with,” I heard Ryley mumble. I groaned and went inside.

“Okay, so now that everyone is here let’s get this started. We have some new people here since last week, and I would like to introduce them,” The doctor went on. She was the most annoying thing to ever walk upon this earth. She was always really happy about these group sessions. Who in their sane mind would be happy about these group sessions? No one I know. She had brown frizzy hair that seriously needed attention and she had thick glasses, which made her look like a 70 year old grandmother. Her face still had acne on it and she would have been at least 35 years old.
“So to my left we have Thomas Michaels,” she said and urged Michael to stand up. He looked so scared, like he was about to break at any moment. His had lovely brown hair, that went in his face in one side. He looked about 14-16. He was so tiny.
“Hi, I’m Michael and I’m here because I absolutely hate closed in spaces, and that’s why my mother sent me here,” he quietly explained before he sat back down looking at the ground. He looked so petrified. I don’t blame him; half of us look scary to new people.
“Thank you very much Michael, I am sure everyone will make you feel more than welcome,” she stopped talking for a second to look at her sheet. I rolled my eyes at her; she couldn’t even remember the poor kids name.
“Okay and next we have Gavin Lyme,” she pointed to this other boy who was next to Michael. He looked just as scared. This boy was different to Michael; he didn’t stand up or even look at everyone. He was shaking so much. He was absolutely petrified of everyone.
“Okay well since Gavin isn’t talking, we will get onto the rest of you,” she explained.
She looked around the circle and pointed at Ryley. “Ryley, how has your week been?” she asked.
“It’s been good, I got to move into a new room, that was pretty exciting,” he smiled. Ryley would have to be the most polite person out of this whole group. The rest of us sort of don’t care what she says.
“Anything else you would like to share?” she asked, writing something down on her board. Ryley hated it when she does that.
He gulped,” umm, no.”
She nodded and looked at me.
“Ahhh, Skylar. How has your week been young man?” She asked with a curious voice. I have never said anything about Aaron to my psychiatrist or in group sessions, and I don’t plan to any time soon.
“It has been perfectly fine,” I mumbled.
“Skylar, why don’t you ever say anything about why your here to anyone in this group or anyone at the facility?” She asked. I breathed in deeply trying not to lose control.
“Because it’s none of your business,” I growled. She has no right to question my motives about not telling people about Aaron. He is my memory.
“I’m sorry to inform you Skylar, but it is indeed my business,” she hissed.
“Why is it your business?” I asked back.
“Because your father obviously put you in here for a reason and we cannot help you unless you tell us what happened,” she explained. I could tell she was trying to control her anger as well.
“Well you will be waiting a while,” I responded and stormed out of the group session.
If she thinks I am going to tell her what happened then she can think again. It will be awhile until any doctors find out about why I am in here. I am not ready to tell them yet. I just managed to tell Ryley, I don’t think I could tell anyone else.