Lyrical Lies
Lyrical Lie
I sat in my uncomfortable computer chair at work, while I aimlessly flipped through my personal email. I had the normal spam emails, and then the sappy ones from my mom, but none that completely caught my attention.
Until I saw his email address under the sender area.
I glanced at it a few times, before deciding that it wouldn’t do any harm clicking it. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding when I realized it was a just a youtube link. I figured it was just one of those stupid videos he always used to send me, so I did the dumb thing and clicked the link.
As soon as the page loaded, I was a little shocked to notice that it wasn’t a funny video, but a video of Danny playing guitar and singing. He was singing a cover of the song Say Goodbye by Chris Brown. I didn’t think much of it until he got to the chorus, and I actually started listening to the lyrics.
“And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye”
At that point, I was semi-angry, because he didn’t seem like it was killing him at all. I could still see the faint upturning of his lips into a smirk, and his voice had no hint of hurt in it. I was about ready to close the tab, when I heard the lyrics that set me over the edge.
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
At that moment, I felt complete hurt and anger wash over me. I started to hate the way his blue hoodie looked on him, when I used to find it adorable. I started hating his perfect blue eyes, and his all too perfect smile. His once amazing black hair was now just average to me.
I closed the tab as fast as I could, and my screen flashed back to my email. I noticed that under the link it simply read Starbucks on Main @ 5:30. I bit my lip and rolled over all of the possibilities of what could happen in my brain.
I was quickly snapped out of my gaze, when I heard my co-worker, Rachel, saying something to me.
“Emery, just go do whatever is causing you to bite your lip so hard,” she said resting her arms on the top of my cubicle., “It has to do with Danny, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, but how did you even know that?” I said turning towards her in my chair.
“Please, I could tell that was him singing in that video you just watched,” she said waving her hand at me, “But, seriously, what’s the deal with you two?”
“In all honesty?” I asked earning a nod from her, “I don’t even know. I mean, things have been a little rough lately, but that usually happens a few weeks before he heads back out on tour. It’s just been a little worse than normal I guess.”
“So I’m guessing he wants you to meet him somewhere after work?” she said giving me a sympathetic look.
“Yeah, the Starbucks at my apartment at 5:30. I’m just scared that this is the end,” I said wiping a tear from my cheek, “And I’m not sure I can handle that.”
“Everything will be okay sweetie,” she said coming over and giving me a hug, “But if you’re going to meet him, you better get going. It’s 10 after 5 right now.”
“Shit, I have to go,” I said quickly shutting my laptop and throwing everything into my bag, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Alright, by Emery,” she said waving me off, “See you later.”
I gave her a quick goodbye wave, and was on my way to my car. Luckily, traffic wasn’t too bad, so I was able to make it to the designated Starbucks in about 15 minutes. I parked my car, and got out while straightening down my plaid shirt, I slipped on my white wayfarers and starting walking as slowly as I could to the entrance.
And there he was, in all of his glory, sitting at one of the tables on the sidewalk, playing with the cardboard sleeve that was sitting on his drink. He looked up, causing us to lock eyes, and gave me a small smile. I tried my hardest to return it, but I know it looked completely forced.
“Hey Emery,” he said as I slid into the hard metal chair, “I got you your favorite.
“Hi Danny,” I said picking up the still warm drink, “And thank you.”
We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, just sipping our drinks, and barely looking at each other. I had so much I wanted to say to him, but I really didn’t know where to start. I could tell he was facing the same problem, because he had opened his mouth a few times, but shut it without making any noise.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally breaking the silence, “I guess that’s all I can say, because I don’t really know what else to say to you.”
“How about why you’re doing this,” I said finally looking up into his eyes, “Because frankly, I have no idea why this is happening.”
“I just don’t think this is going to continue working out for us,” he said almost shrugging, “I just don’t think that we’re always supposed to be fighting like this when I’m getting ready to leave for months. It’s just not right.”
“But that’s how it’s been from basically the start! Why all of the sudden are you deciding to just end it, instead of us trying to figure out why we’re always fighting around times like these?” I said finding myself getting angrier by the minute.
“Babe, it’s not that—“
“Oh no, don’t even try to call me babe anymore. I don’t think you deserve to say that anymore.”
“Alright, Emery, I’ll tell you why I’m doing this,” he said sounding frustrated, “I just don’t think it’s fair for either of us to have to be away from each other for months knowing that someone you can’t see is mad at you.
“I know we can talk, but honestly email, iChat, texting and phone calls just aren’t the same. You can’t work everything out when you’re hundreds of miles away from the person. I honestly never meant to hurt you with any of this.”
“Bull shit,” I said brushing tears from my eyes, “Everything you sang to me in that stupid song was a lyrical lie. I’m not buying any of what you’re saying anymore. I guess this was all just one big mistake from the start.”
“Don’t think of it that way,” he said running his hands through his hair, “It just fell apart, a lot of things do. But you have to remember the good times we had. Not every moment we had was bad.”
“You know, I guess you’re right, but it’s going to be pretty hard,” I said blinking back a few tears, “But to make it a little easier I don’t think I can keep this.”
I reached up to my neck and carefully unclasped the heart-key necklace that he had given me for our one-year anniversary a few months ago. I redid the clasp and gently placed it in his hand. I folded his hand over and gave him a gentle smile before standing up and grabbing my half empty cup.
“You know Danny, I guess you were right about something,” I said turning back to him, “There really never is a right time to say goodbye.”
Until I saw his email address under the sender area.
I glanced at it a few times, before deciding that it wouldn’t do any harm clicking it. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding when I realized it was a just a youtube link. I figured it was just one of those stupid videos he always used to send me, so I did the dumb thing and clicked the link.
As soon as the page loaded, I was a little shocked to notice that it wasn’t a funny video, but a video of Danny playing guitar and singing. He was singing a cover of the song Say Goodbye by Chris Brown. I didn’t think much of it until he got to the chorus, and I actually started listening to the lyrics.
“And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye”
At that point, I was semi-angry, because he didn’t seem like it was killing him at all. I could still see the faint upturning of his lips into a smirk, and his voice had no hint of hurt in it. I was about ready to close the tab, when I heard the lyrics that set me over the edge.
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
At that moment, I felt complete hurt and anger wash over me. I started to hate the way his blue hoodie looked on him, when I used to find it adorable. I started hating his perfect blue eyes, and his all too perfect smile. His once amazing black hair was now just average to me.
I closed the tab as fast as I could, and my screen flashed back to my email. I noticed that under the link it simply read Starbucks on Main @ 5:30. I bit my lip and rolled over all of the possibilities of what could happen in my brain.
I was quickly snapped out of my gaze, when I heard my co-worker, Rachel, saying something to me.
“Emery, just go do whatever is causing you to bite your lip so hard,” she said resting her arms on the top of my cubicle., “It has to do with Danny, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, but how did you even know that?” I said turning towards her in my chair.
“Please, I could tell that was him singing in that video you just watched,” she said waving her hand at me, “But, seriously, what’s the deal with you two?”
“In all honesty?” I asked earning a nod from her, “I don’t even know. I mean, things have been a little rough lately, but that usually happens a few weeks before he heads back out on tour. It’s just been a little worse than normal I guess.”
“So I’m guessing he wants you to meet him somewhere after work?” she said giving me a sympathetic look.
“Yeah, the Starbucks at my apartment at 5:30. I’m just scared that this is the end,” I said wiping a tear from my cheek, “And I’m not sure I can handle that.”
“Everything will be okay sweetie,” she said coming over and giving me a hug, “But if you’re going to meet him, you better get going. It’s 10 after 5 right now.”
“Shit, I have to go,” I said quickly shutting my laptop and throwing everything into my bag, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Alright, by Emery,” she said waving me off, “See you later.”
I gave her a quick goodbye wave, and was on my way to my car. Luckily, traffic wasn’t too bad, so I was able to make it to the designated Starbucks in about 15 minutes. I parked my car, and got out while straightening down my plaid shirt, I slipped on my white wayfarers and starting walking as slowly as I could to the entrance.
And there he was, in all of his glory, sitting at one of the tables on the sidewalk, playing with the cardboard sleeve that was sitting on his drink. He looked up, causing us to lock eyes, and gave me a small smile. I tried my hardest to return it, but I know it looked completely forced.
“Hey Emery,” he said as I slid into the hard metal chair, “I got you your favorite.
“Hi Danny,” I said picking up the still warm drink, “And thank you.”
We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, just sipping our drinks, and barely looking at each other. I had so much I wanted to say to him, but I really didn’t know where to start. I could tell he was facing the same problem, because he had opened his mouth a few times, but shut it without making any noise.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally breaking the silence, “I guess that’s all I can say, because I don’t really know what else to say to you.”
“How about why you’re doing this,” I said finally looking up into his eyes, “Because frankly, I have no idea why this is happening.”
“I just don’t think this is going to continue working out for us,” he said almost shrugging, “I just don’t think that we’re always supposed to be fighting like this when I’m getting ready to leave for months. It’s just not right.”
“But that’s how it’s been from basically the start! Why all of the sudden are you deciding to just end it, instead of us trying to figure out why we’re always fighting around times like these?” I said finding myself getting angrier by the minute.
“Babe, it’s not that—“
“Oh no, don’t even try to call me babe anymore. I don’t think you deserve to say that anymore.”
“Alright, Emery, I’ll tell you why I’m doing this,” he said sounding frustrated, “I just don’t think it’s fair for either of us to have to be away from each other for months knowing that someone you can’t see is mad at you.
“I know we can talk, but honestly email, iChat, texting and phone calls just aren’t the same. You can’t work everything out when you’re hundreds of miles away from the person. I honestly never meant to hurt you with any of this.”
“Bull shit,” I said brushing tears from my eyes, “Everything you sang to me in that stupid song was a lyrical lie. I’m not buying any of what you’re saying anymore. I guess this was all just one big mistake from the start.”
“Don’t think of it that way,” he said running his hands through his hair, “It just fell apart, a lot of things do. But you have to remember the good times we had. Not every moment we had was bad.”
“You know, I guess you’re right, but it’s going to be pretty hard,” I said blinking back a few tears, “But to make it a little easier I don’t think I can keep this.”
I reached up to my neck and carefully unclasped the heart-key necklace that he had given me for our one-year anniversary a few months ago. I redid the clasp and gently placed it in his hand. I folded his hand over and gave him a gentle smile before standing up and grabbing my half empty cup.
“You know Danny, I guess you were right about something,” I said turning back to him, “There really never is a right time to say goodbye.”
♠ ♠ ♠
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