For a Genius, You're Pretty Dumb

"Spencer ..... Wake up," I whispered and shook his shoulders.

"Spencer.... it's 10 AM .... Time to wake up, Sunshine!"

I sighed as he incoherently mumbled then rolled over onto his back.

"Spencer," I whined. "Wake up!"

"I'm up," He mumbled.

I giggled and said, "No, you're not!"

"I am," He said sitting up in the bed, and wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Bright eyes and bushy tailed," I said laughing. "My dad used to say that to me every morning."

"Ha ha," Spencer laughed sarcastically. He looked so cute with the tired, amused expression on his face.

"I made you breakfast," I told him as I grabbed his hands and helped him out of bed. "Pancakes, bacon, and eggs. You do like pancakes right? If you don't I can make you something else. I have bread, and cereal, and muffins. Oh, I have Coco Wheat's! Or I can make an omle-"

"Pancakes are good."

I hadn't even realized I was rambling until he interrupted me.

"Okay, well, the food is in the kitchen, so just take as much as you want. Derek and the others should be here at around one, so I'm gonna get a shower."

I left Spencer in the kitchen to eat and I walked into the bathroom. After turning the water on and adjusting the temperature, I unwrapped the towel from my body and let it fall to the floor. I turned to the mirror and looked at myself. My eyes welled up and tears slid down my cheeks. I lifted my hand and rested it at the end of one of the many scars. When I was little, I heard the adults talking about me. About what happened to me. They said it was one of the most brutal stabbings they had ever heard of. They were so surprised that I pulled through. They said I was brave, a fighter. But they didn't know that sometimes, even now, I wished that I would have died. Sometimes I think that things would be better if I were I dead. Surely, things would be so much easier.

I sighed, stepped into the shower, and let the hot water take over me, as if it could wash away my sins. Cleanliness is Godliness. One of the only things I want is to feel clean, again. I haven't felt clean for twenty years. I feel like filth, worse than the scum of the earth. I could scrub my skin raw until it bleeds, and the feeling would never go away. I will never be me again. I will never be free.

Even after I was done showering, I stood in the hot water for a bit longer. I need time to think. To figure out what to do. It's been over twenty years since my parents' murders and now everything is coming back to me in such a rush. I need something to calm me down.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself then walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I changed in to sweat pants, a tank top, and a hoodie, then I put my hair up in a sloppy bun.

"Spencer," I called as I walked into the living room to find him on the couch.

"Yes," He replied standing up.

"I have to go to the store to get something. Are you gonna come with me?"

"Of course."

We were almost to the liquor store when he asked me, "What do you need to get from the store?"

I kept my eyes on the road while I spoke, "I need something to calm my nerves."

I guessed he understood what I meant, because he nodded his head and didn't say anything as I parked in front of the liquor store.

I walked into the store not really looking for anything in particular when my eyes landed on a bottle of Captain Morgan 100 proof. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a lightweight, but 100 proof has really messed me up before. Smiling to myself, I grabbed the bottle and walked over to the cash register, paid twenty two dollars, and left.

When we got to the house, Spencer sat quietly as I opened up the bottle and continued to pour it in a glass of ice and coke.

"You want some?"

"No," He said shaking his head.

"Suit yourself," I said as I downed the glass.

I poured another glass and another and another. Then before I knew it, it was one thirty and the door bell was ringing.

"Spencer," I gasped, "I have a visitor! Someone came to visit me!" I jumped from the couch to run to the door and tripped over me feet.

"Spence! I fell!" I said and laughed uncontrollably from my spot on the floor. The knocking on my door was getting louder and I could tell, even in my drunken state, that they were getting annoyed.

"Who's there," I sang while Spencer helped me stand up.

"Allie, I think it's Morgan," Spencer said and put his arm around my waist to help me to the couch.

"Why am I on the couch? I have a visitor! I need to greet them," I said standing up from the couch.

"No, Allie, it's okay. I got it. Stay right there," He said motioning for me to sit down.

I sat back down, said fuck it, and grabbed the bottle of Captain. There was almost half the bottle left and I was feeling pretty good.

"Allie, give me that," Derek said snatching the bottle from my grip.

"Derek! Give that back! I paid good money for it!"

"You're completely wasted. You don't need anymore," He said taking the bottle in the kitchen.

"Yes, I do. And you know I do," I said following him into the kitchen and pointing my finger at him.

"Allie, you can't hide from your problems like that. Losing yourself in a bottle of alcohol is not the way to deal with things," He said looking me in the eyes.

"It's the only way I know how to," I replied.

His eyes softened up a little.

"Allie, you can talk to me about your problems when you feel like you can't handle them. You know that, right?"

"Yes, Derek," I replied.

"And you'll talk to me, right?" He asked.

"Yes," I lied.

"Promise?"

"Yes, Derek," I said rolling my eyes.

"Good," He said and ruffled my hair.

"Derek! I am not a dog! Don't do shit like that ... Ass," I grumbled and yawned. "Fuck. I'm tired."

"That's because you drank so much, genius."

"Go .... To ... Hell," I said in between yawns.

"Why don't you take a nap before Hotch and everyone else gets here ... Try and sleep of the intoxication," Derek suggested.

"Sounds good to me," I said as Derek helped me to my bedroom and covered me up with my fluffy blanket.

I fell asleep quickly. I didn't have a dream, or a nightmare, So when I woke up it didn't feel like I had slept at all. I sat up in bed and let my legs dangle off the side. With a sigh, I stood and walked into the bathroom to pee.

Why is my apartment so quiet ...

"Derek? Derek are you here?" I called into the dark apartment.

No answer.

I walked into my living room but I couldn't see anything in the dark.

"Derek," I tried again.

My breathing was coming fast, now.

"Spencer?!" I called out again. "Someone? ..."

I started walking slowly to the kitchen table for my cell phone when I tripped over something big. I felt around to see what it was when I got something sticky and wet on my hands. I felt around more and my hand landed on

a foot.

"What the fuck?" I yelled and stood as fast as I could. I turned on the light and fell to my knees when I turned around and saw the carnage.

"Derek! Derek ... Oh my FUCKING God, Derek! Fuck, fuck .... Oh my God ..."

Derek was laying on the floor with his throat slit. His eyes were still open. Looking directly at me. I looked at my hands, stained with his blood. I crawled over to him and held his body in my arms, sobbing.

"Derek, please, wake up. Please wake up, Derek. I love you .... Please ... You can't die. You can't do this to me. Please!"

I let his body fall slide from my arms. I know who did this. He's still here, he wouldn't miss this. He'd stick around and watch what happens ...

I took in a shaky breath and looked once more at Derek. I couldn't look at his dead, lifeless eyes. They were accusing. They said, "This is your fault. You caused this."

I let out another sob and closed his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Derek. I love you," I said as I stood up and took his undrawn gun from it's holster. "I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch."

I was so caught up in Derek's murder that I didn't even notice the others. I gasped in horror as I looked around the room.

"Oh, my God," I whispered.

It looked like a slaughter house. Gideon was on the floor in front of the coffee table, Elle sprawled out on the couch, JJ next to the table in the dining room, and Hotch was by the hallway, it looked like he was trying to get to

my bedroom.

"Oh, my God," I whispered in horror once again.

This can't happen again ... He murdered my family again. "You fucker, you're fucking dead."

I heard a crashing noise coming from my bedroom and my legs carried me to the door faster than I ever thought they could. With the gun in my hands in front of me, I kicked the door to my bedroom opened. The light

shining from the lamp was all I needed to see. He was there. Standing over something. Or someone. When he saw me he stood up with a grin and I looked down at what he was standing over. My heart sank.

"Spencer," I gasped.

"Allie ... I tried to come ... before he got to you ... I wanted to save you ..." He was laying in a puddle of his own blood.

"Spencer, I ... Oh, God ... Spencer ..." I couldn't even form a sentence.

"Allie, it's okay. I-"

He started coughing up blood.

"No, no, no. Please, no. Please ..."

All I could do was watch in horror as he chocked on his own blood.

"I love you," He said with his last gasping breath.

"Oh, Spence," I choked out as tears slid down my cheeks, "I love you, too."

And then he was gone. I could feel it when his spirit left his body. The room seemed colder. Life seemed dull. My family and love were gone, what did I have to live for? Nothing. I have nothing at all to live for.

I dropped the gun I held, it landed with a thud.

"I give up," I whispered and put my head down.

"What do you mean, Love? Whats wrong? They're all gone, we can finally be together," He said coming closer to me with his arms outstretched, as if he wanted to comfort me.

I backed away are he advanced towards me.

"Whats wrong?" I whispered harshly. "Whats wrong? You MURDERED my family AGAIN. What the FUCK is wrong with you?" I lifted my head and straighted myself out. I'm going to die tonight, but I will not go easily.

"They only got in the way," He sighed.

I looked him in the eyes. They were grey, cold, and emotionless.

"You're a sick bastard," I said. "I am NOT your love. Who could ever love someone as sick as you?"

This angered him. The air about him changed. It was menacing, now.

"Bitch, I tried to play nice. I guess a slut like you just doesn't understand. We were meant for each other," He smiled. "I guess I need to teach you a lesson."

I held my breath, put my chin up, and braced myself.

He came at me, grabbed my arms, and shook me.

"Bitch, I'm going to fucking kill you!"

I closed my eyes and waited for the darkness to take over me.

"Wake up," He yelled, shaking me harder.

"Wake the hell up!"

What is he saying?

"ALEXANDRIA! WAKE UP!"

And then I was brought back to reality.

"Derek!" I yelled hugging him as hard as I could.

He pat my back awkwardly and asked, "Allie, you have got to stop scaring me like that."

"Sorry," I said hugging him even harder than before and nuzzling my nose in the crook of his neck. "I love you."

"I love you, too," He replied automatically. "What was the nightmare, this time?"

I grimaced. "Can we not talk about that, please?"

He furrowed his eyebrows then agreed.

"Is everyone here, yet?" I asked as I sat up in my bed.

"Yeah, they just got here right about when you started crying."

"Oh, how embarrassing."

Derek laughed and led me into the living room where Hotch, Spencer, Gideon, and a few police officers and other "official" looking people where standing around. Everything seemed to stop when I walked in. All

conversations were cut off and all eyes were on me.

"Sup," I said and waved awkwardly.

Just as suddenly as everything got quiet, everything was loud again and I was swarmed with police officers asking me questions. Over, and over again and I answered the same questions and retold my story the exact same

way.

"Can you tell me again what the suspects name is, miss?"

"Alan Garrett," I answered as another question was shot at me.

"What type of car did he drive?"

"Uhmm ... I don't know ... It's been twenty years," I answered quickly.

"Have you had any previous contact with him since he killed your parents?"

"No... I can't .... I can't answer all these questions at one time. I can't think .... I can't think," I said, exasperated.

"Allie, you don't have to answer all these questions. I have someone over here for you to talk to. He'll decide what to do from here," Hotch said holding me by the arm and bringing me over to an older man in a black suit.

"Hello, Alexandria, my name is Benjamin Helt," He said shaking my hand and giving me a warm smile.

"Hello, Mr. Helt."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. However, I wish it were under different circumstances," He said withdrawing his hand.

"Likewise."

While Gideon cleared out the apartment, Mr. Helt lead me to the couch in the living room.

"Mr. Hotchner brought me in here today to discuss what we shall do until Alan Garrett is apprehended," He told me. I nodded and he went on, "I find it in your best interest to stay with a friend or relative who you feel you

will be completely safe with. I will have one officer posted at the entry of their home."

"That ... sounds good," I said finally.

"Excellent," He said. "I'll go find Mr. Hotchner and speak with him."

I nodded, and scanned the room for Derek. When I found him, I walked over to him and linked our arms.

"How'd everything go?" He asked, nodding over to Mr. Helt.

"Good, I guess. He says he wants me to stay with a friend or relative where I think I'll be completely safe."

"Well, we all know who you're gonna pick," He said and grinned.

"Yep. Gideon's got how many years in the FBI under his belt? He'll take good care of me," I joked.

"Oh, girl, that's cold," He replied, acting like his feelings were hurt.

"You know I love you," I said putting my arm around him.

"Sometimes," He said putting his arm around me.

"Hey, where'd Spencer go?" I asked when I noticed Spencer wasn't anywhere in my sight.

"Oh, he went to go help JJ with some case files since Hotch is here. They're sorting through trying to put them in order of importance," Derek told me.

"Oh," I replied.

"Whats wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I just thought Spencer would have stayed here until I woke up," I admitted.

Derek chuckled and said, "Oh, I see what it is. You're upset Romeo left."

"Derek, you're silly," I said, not denying the fact that Spencer's absence did upset me.

"Allie."

I turned to look at Hotch.

"Yes?"

"You're staying with me and my family until we can get everything sorted out and catch this guy," He said.

I smiled and hugged him.

"Aww, Hotch! You know I'd love to stay with you, Jack, and Haley, but I feel like I'd be putting them in danger. I don't want to risk you and your family's safety. I decided to risk Derek's safety instead," I said and nudged

Derek.

"I got her, Hotch. I'll keep her safe. She's like my little sister," He said then gave me a noogie.

"Derek! Stop it! I tell you all the time not to do that ..."

Hotch chuckled and said, "I understand. But Jack misses you. He would have been excited to have you stay for a while."

"Awe, tell him I'll see him soon. The next time we're all off, you're taking that lovely wife of yours out to dinner. I'll baby sit Jack, I offered.

"I just might take you up on that," He said laughing. "Well, you might as well start packing up. I'll escort everyone out of you're apartment then you and Derek can leave. I'll let Mr. Helt know you're planning on staying with

Morgan and he can get one of his men out there by the time you guys get there."

"Thanks, Hotch. I love you. See you later," I said and hugged him one last time.

After Hotch cleared every one else out then left, I packed as many bags as I could with all my things and Derek carried them out to his SUV.

"What are we gonna do tonight?" I asked Derek after we pulled out of the parking area.

"Aren't you tired after such a long day? I know I am.," He replied.

"Derek, every time I stay at your place we stay up all night and watch movies or something. Just because these aren't usual circumstances doesn't mean we can't chill out like we normally do."

"I guess you're right," He started, "But I'm going to bed early. The past two days have been hectic and I just want some sleep."

"You're no fun," I said sticking my tongue out at him.

Of course, after we got to his apartment we watched three movies and halfway into the fourth movie, we both fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 3 AM to pee and decided to wake Derek up, too.

"Derek, honey buns! Wake up!"

"What is it," He asked, still half asleep.

"Let's go get in your bed. There's more room," I said and pulled on his arm to get him up. He got up and we walked, or stumbled, into his bed room and laid in his big, comfy bed.

I was so glad to have a good nights sleep. Especially in Derek's Tempurpedic bed. I just hoped it was clean ...