Into My Arms

As soon as Phil (and everyone else from the cast) saw me crying, they were at my side and letting me go for the rest of the day. I had over time anyway and since I was only 17 I was due for some time off anyway so it all worked out so perfectly. Right now, David, Jake, Eric and I were all on our way to the charity event. Tears still flowing down my face, no more loud sobs. Eric had a blank stare, wet streaks on his cheeks. David and Jake were looking sadder and sadder with each passing minute. I cradled my phone in my hands, fighting against my own stubbornness to just call him. He had to know. Did he know? Jonathan would’ve called him right? None of us had talked to each other in…forever…and that thought made even more tears come. But Nick and Jonathan were, once, best friends…that has to count for something. I haven’t talked to Nick in…four months? Maybe five…and it’s been hard…I miss being in his arms…hearing him tell me he loves me…having him at my side…not having any of that has been killing me…not having him has been killing me.

I saw we arrived at the place and paparazzi began flashing their cameras at our limo. I put on my sunglasses and forced a smile to my face as we all got out and began to walk through the paparazzi with a body guard leading us. We got inside and I found my dressing room. I was a little late so people were rushing the makeup onto my face…once they finished…I took out my cell phone…and dialed his number.

One ring…two rings…three rings… “Hello?” I could tell he woke up from a nap. “Nick…” I whispered as tears came back.

“Rachael…” he said in shock as I could tell he sat up straight.

“Jonathan needs you…I need you…” I whispered a sob came out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I told Nick what happened with Melissa and Eric’s sister and immediately I heard him jump up and rush out to his car. At the moment, I was pacing around the room with tears still running down my cheeks non stop, the makeup artists had to give up on my eye makeup and I told them I’d put it on when I was ready and I’d put on water proof. I wanted to be alone…but the only one I wanted was Nick…and on cue…the door flew open.

There he stood…in all his glory…after months without talking…with one call from me…he’s here. “Nick” I sighed and rushed into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist as I cried into his shoulder and I saw a few tears slip from his eyes as well.

“I cant believe you came” I whispered as I gripped his hair in the back of his head lightly.

“We promised we would be there for each other…no matter what happened between us…we were still best friends first” he reminded me.

“I remember” I murmured.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went up on that stage with a huge crowd in front of me. Fans, photographers, journalists, tv reporters…they all filled the area in front of me. As I looked out to everyone, I smiled. I saw cancer patients, some in wheel chairs, others next to nurses…I saw fans with big signs saying “I’m A cancer Survivor” or “Rachael Lewis Helped Me Get Through It”…those got to me. I saw fans with signs that said the name of someone and RIP after it and some had names and then had the words “is a survivor” after it. Then there were just fans there…just to be there and see me I guess. As I stood up on that stage, the fans were cheering and screaming my name. Behind me was a long table that sat Eric, Jake, David, Taylor, Selena, Demi, Miley, Anna, Denise, Paul, dad, Frankie, Danielle, Kevin, Joe and Nick…they all came.

I took a deep breath and leaned forward slightly so everyone could hear me in the microphone on the podium. “How is everyone today?” I asked gently with barely any life in my voice as I forced a smile. Everyone cheered. “Good…” I took in the sight of everyone.

“I’m not here because of all the publicity that’s going on right now…if it was up to me I would kick them all out right now and have this just be about me talking to all of you, normally…like I would with anyone else…but I guess they all have a right to be here just as much as anyone else does…I didn’t write a speech because…I wanted to say what was on my mind and what I felt was necessary…and this morning I knew what I wanted to say…but something happened…not even two hours ago…and I decided I wanted to share it with you…” I paused to gather my thoughts.

I looked down and tears came to my eyes.

“I found out I lost my best friend today…”

The tears began to stream down my face as many awes were heard from the crowd in front of me. “Cancer took her life…” I added and paused again.

“Then I also found out Eric’s sister had passed away because of cancer as well…what I wanted to share with you though is this…for the past couple days…maybe even the past month or so, my best friend, Melissa…she was the first best girl friend I had when I moved to New Jersey when I was ten…she was like my sister…and as the years came and went…I moved to Tennessee and my career took off…Mel and I drifted apart…every day phone calls, became one per week…then one per month…eventually they all just stopped…and I think it might be my fault…I never tried to find time to actually talk to her…and then all of a sudden this past month, she has been trying to talk to me every day…she’s not trying to get me to go back to New Jersey or try to get me to get her here to California…she just wanted to talk…to hear my voice…I just talked to her yesterday and she sounded like she always did…so happy and bubbly…then today I get a text from Jonathan…a very close friend of mine and Nick’s…Melissa’s boyfriend of four years…and he tells me she’s gone…just like that…”

My tears came faster and my sobs were harder as I tried to hold them back but couldn’t. I saw tears coming from everyone else as well.

“For some reason…I cant help but feel guilty…she just wanted to hear from me…to talk to me…she knew it was coming…she knew she wouldn’t make it much longer…cancer is a terrible disease to have…but just thinking about the way Melissa was talking to me yesterday…makes me realize you have to appreciate life while you still can…until it’s gone…and you cant let it get you down…you need to just keep pressing forward…and for those of you watching right now…I want you all to know that nothing can ever hold you back from doing what you want to do…only you can…” I stressed as I tried to control my tears.

I sighed. “There’s something about me that no one knows…my mom knows…my dad knows…Anna knows…that’s it…no one else…not Nick, Joe, Kevin…not even Miley, Demi…no one, sitting behind me besides Anna, knows what I’m about to say…” I paused. “I am a cancer survivor” I announced and more flashes started to go as whispers rumbled.

“I was diagnosed with cancer when I was seven…I was young…but not like other seven year old girls…I knew what was going on…and I knew the doctors thought there was nothing that could save me. I accepted it…and I prayed to God every night while I was in that hospital. A seven year old…accepting her death…and praying to God…I know…but it goes to show that no one is too young or too old to pray or understand…I don’t find it fair though…not at all”

My tears had stopped so I had tear streaks on my face and my emotion was replaced with a little anger and frustration.

“I was blessed with a miracle…one day…I thought I was done…and I asked the doctor if I was going to die right that second…and she said “No…you’re not…you’re going to live…the cancer disappeared”…and she said I was just hungry and thirsty…she told me it disappeared…it was gone…I would have never thought it would ever be possible…and that’s what got me believing in miracles…believing that anything is possible and that God has a path already written for everyone…it wasn’t my time to leave back then…and here I am now…living my dream…talking to others who went through or who are going through what I went through…that day changed my life and it changed everything for me…it changed my perspective on life…and I was seven…I know I’m blessed and I know I’m lucky…but I didn’t get to where I am today without going through some hardships in my life…”

Now I had pretty much everyone crying…including the ones behind me. “Life is meant to be worth living…and you should make the best of it with what you have…” I looked down at my hands on the podium and I felt the tears coming back.

“Thank you” I whispered and cheers erupted and everyone behind me stood up as they were clapping and Nick was the first one to come over to me and hug me tight as I hugged back.

Then Miley and Demi came and got to my side, hugging me as Nick stepped to the side, keeping a hand on the small of my back. Then Selena and Taylor joined us as well and then so did Eric, Jake and David and dad, Denise, Paul, Joe, Frankie, Kevin and Danielle. I gave Eric a single hug though and I held onto him tightly, clinging him to myself, embracing both his pain and mine.