Into My Arms

I looked around and saw I was in a hospital room. I saw Denise in  hysterics, sitting in a chair beside the bed. Paul was trying to sooth her while not crying at the same time. Demi was in tears as well. I  could tell she was trying to hold her tears back because her eyes were blood shot red but Joe encouraged her to cry because he was in tears as well. Dani and Kevin were trying to comfort each other too...it  wasn't working out to well. I looked to see who was in the bed...it was me...and I didn't look too good. Nick was nowhere in sight...until I finally saw him appear at my side and bent down to my face. He placed a hand on my forehead and pushed my hair back and then he  kissed my forehead. Tears slid down her face as well. Was I dead? I  couldn't tell…”Please…come back to me Rea…I need you…you cant leave me” he cried quietly...CLEAR.

I heard voices around me. "We have a pulse," someone said. I heard people leave, come in, talk to me...I couldn't respond though.

Some voices were familiar and I could tell who they were but other voices and sounds…I couldn’t tell who or what they were come from. It’s like my brain couldn’t process it. I heard and recognized Dani, Kevin, Denise, Paul, even Frankie. I heard A lot of Joe and Demi. They would have full on conversations with me, they would laugh as if I was laughing with them, if no one was speaking at all, one of them would hold my hand to let me know they were there, sometimes it was Demi, other times it was Joe. I loved the fact that they would sing to me, some songs were songs I loved…some by them, some by other artists. Kevin’s voice would appear if Joe was singing. They would sing a JB song or a Nick song. I heard Anna the most though...and if I didn't here her, she was the one i felt being around all the time...her and Zach. He didn't say much...and when he did speak, I heard him choke on his words...but I knew he didn't (and wouldn't) leave Annas side.

I remembered what happen. I remembered the bright headlights coming at  us...I remember feeling Nicks arms protect me the best he could and it was really sweet for all of them to be talking to me and I loved having them around...but it was Nicks voice that I wanted to hear. I don't know how long I was in that state of mind but I finally started to come to. I started to blink open my eyes. The lights were killing my eyes as I felt pain shoot into them, giving me a major head ach and everything was blurry. I went to take a deep breath but I started to cough because I realized I had a tube down my throat. I wasn’t aware of what was going on around me. All I was aware of was the fact that something was down my throat and there was yelling. I saw people rushing toward me to my aid. The tube was out of me and everything seemed to calm down a little once I was given some water. I saw Anna had tears in her eyes as she looked at me. I saw a doctor talking to her and then walking out of the room but I was in such a daze that I couldn’t focus anything-eyesight or hearing. I just laid there, staring at Anna with eyes that were barely open.

The doctor left and it was just me and Anna. She came over to me and it seemed like she was almost afraid to touch me…then I realized I had both my leg and my arm in casts, my head was wrapped in a tight bandage and I saw some stitches in my non-broken arm but they were barely noticeable. I opened my mouth to joke about how I always end up in the hospital somehow…to make a smile appear on her face…but when nothing came out…I began to panic. I couldn’t talk. She gave me a look telling me to calm down. She sat down slowly and carefully beside me on the bed.

“Do you remember what happened Rachael?” she asked.

I wanted to raise my arm to make a hand movement, telling her kind of, but I couldn’t, so I just shrugged. I pointed to my throat. “I’ll get to that…here I got you an erase board to write out what you want to say” she said, handing me a board and marker.

I began to write. Why cant I talk? What really happened to us? I remember seeing the headlights but I don’t remember anything after that. Where’s Nick? Is he okay?! I turned it to show her. She read it.

“One question at a time” she forced a smile as the tears came to her eyes again. “Where do I start…we were all at the hotel, waiting for some kind of call from you and Nick and an hour went by and we started to get worried but no one could leave because the snow got really bad, then another hour later we get a call from the hospital saying you both were taken to the ER because of a big accident…well big accident was an understatement…a truck driver lost control on black ice and couldn’t stop…he flew right into you guys…the car flipped three times in the air and when it landed…it just wasn’t good Rea…you’ve been in a coma ever since…it’s January 27th…” she ended quietly.

January 27th. I missed Christmas…New Years…my nineteenth birthday.

I started to write, what’s the damage? I showed her. “Broken leg. Broken arm, a major concussion. We thought you were going to have some brain damage…you lost a lot of blood…”

I wrote, well that’s not too bad. I’m awake now.

“That’s not all Rach…in the crash, Nick did his best to protect you and he did an excessive job, things could’ve been worse if it wasn’t for him…but he couldn’t protect one thing…your voice…” I gave her a look.

“You had a lot of internal bleeding coming from your esophagus and I don’t know all of what they did because it’s a whole lot of doctor stuff but they had to put something in your throat where your voice box is so if you strain your voice too much, it could pop out and you could bleed to death…”

I started writing so she stopped talking. So what the hell? Am I not aloud to talk ever again?

“You can talk, over time, as your voice gets better and we’re sure you’re going to be okay, but…you wont be able to sing…it’s too much of a risk…yes, you can hum, scream, shout, cheer, whatever you want…you just cant sing…not like you used to anyway…”

I felt my heart stop…and if the heart monitor didn’t keep beating I would’ve been sure that it had stopped.

“At least not yet…I don’t know how long it will take but maybe…hopefully…over time your voice will get stronger…and maybe…hopefully…the doctors will be able to help…but for a few months…you wont be able to sing…” she said and heard her hurt in her voice. She was hurting for me.

That was it. I couldn’t sing anymore.

She hugged me tight and it hurt a little so tears came faster but I  wasn't crying because of the pain...I wanted to see Nick. She saw I was trying to talk through my eyes. I wrote down NICK? Can I see him?

I showed her. Tears filled her eyes again. "Not  yet Rachael...he's still in a coma" I wrote down, I want to see him now. She stared at me with sad eyes and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the door opening.

"Rachael!" multiple voices were heard.

I was still out of it but I processed the faces of Zach, Denise, Paul, Frankie, Kevin, Danielle, Joe and Demi. They all rushed over to me. Denise pushed Joe out of the way to get to me and if my voice box was working properly I would’ve laughed. "You had us all so scared" Denise said kissing my head. I got Frankie to come closer and he sat beside me. I got him to tell me what he's been up to, what I've missed. For a while they all just kept me company and Denise called dad so he rushed over. Then the doctor came in.

"Hello. I'm doctor Kales..." I started to write on my board so he stopped talking.

Where‘s Dr. Harold?

"He’s very busy this week, so I'll be taking over until he gets back. I'm sorry but I have to run some tests. You can pick two people to stay but that's it"

I immediately looked at Kevin, Joe and Demi. They looked at each other and then back at me. "You know I would Rachael but Danielle...she promised her family she would see them by tomorrow and I have to be there and it's a really important dinner and..."

I put a hand up to stop him. I smiled and nodded, telling him I understood...because I did. We weren't his only family, I know that. I saw a flash of pain in his eyes. "Kevin maybe we..." I started to shake my head vigorously.

"Are you sure?" He asked me.

I mouthed out 'positive'. Danielle came over and whispered, "Thank you" in my ear. I smiled and hugged her back. Then Kevin came over to me and hugged me. "We'll come back as soon as we can. Love you" he said and kissed my head.

I made a heart with my fingers. He smiled and returned the heart with his own fingers but I still saw how upset he was. The doctor escorted everyone out as Joe and Demi stayed.

Demi stayed back a little, holding her stomach as Joe was standing closer at the foot of my bed. I sat up completely and Joe helped me swing my legs around so i was sitting on the edge of the bee. The doctor took my blood pressure and had to give me a shot. As he did, Joe held my hand and I squeezed it lightly. Then he checked my reflects and then my heart beat with his stethoscope. Everything checked out. Then he took out a small flash light.

"Okay follow the light" he instructed.

He started to move it side to side, slowly. As it went over to my left eye...and then back to my right...I saw it happening again. I saw the headlights coming at us...I saw Nicks face and I saw him readying himself for impact and readying himself to cover me with his body. I snapped my head away from doctor Kales and tears started falling out of my eyes. "That’s enough" Joe ordered as he jumped to my side and held me in his arms. I clenched to his arms and cried into his chest as he rubbed my back for comfort. I saw Demi talking to the doctor before he left and she came to us, comforting me as well. No matter how much comfort I was getting and no matter who was holding me...it was Nick that I wanted.