Dear You: Sincerely, Me
Dear Mirror
Ann picked up the next letter as soon as she put the other one down. She glanced at the clock and sighed. She had three minutes to read it and then get ready for her next lesson, which didn't leave her much time to reflect on what was written. She was okay with that, she just wanted to get home to the love of her life and her daughter.
Dear Mirror,
God, this is stupid. This whole writing-a-letter thing. You don’t even exist, at least not in the flesh, the way I do. The way you make me. I hate you. I fucking hate everything about you. Your flawless cut and smooth surface. And I fucking hate that I’m too superstitious to break you. I want to break you. I want to destroy you into fragments that can cut deeper than ever before. And I want to watch as you shatter.
Man, I’m messed up. I’m sitting here fucking ranting about a mirror. You know you did this, right? If you had just stayed in that store where Mom found you, I would be okay right now. But you came into the house, into my house, and you fucked everything up. I remember the day you were hung in my bathroom. I remember thinking that I would spend hours in front of you, perfecting every inch of myself until you deemed me presentable. I remember thinking that it would all be too easy because how could you not love me as much as I loved myself. I remember thinking how beautiful I was and how you would show me that every time I graced your presence. I remember loving you. But now I fucking hate you.
I did spend hours in front of you, perfecting every inch of myself. But nothing ever changed. And you showed me that nothing ever mattered, that I never mattered. I was fat and ugly and you shoved that right in front of my face every God damn day of my life. I still see that every day when I wake up. I still see a fat chick with no beauty or hope for any. And that’s sick because, as of right now, I weigh 80 pounds. 80 fucking pounds! I don’t even weigh as much as my fucking 12-year-old brother. And I can’t even fucking enjoy it! You’ve ruined everything for me! You’ve ruined my entire life!
I’ve done nothing but yo-yo diet and starve myself and force my own stomach acid out of my throat. I spent my weekends at the fucking gym, running lap after fucking lap praying to look down and not see those few jiggles of fat encasing my legs. I haven’t had a boyfriend since you came along. I haven’t had any fucking sex because no one wants to sleep with someone whose ribs they can individually count!
I HATE YOU! I hate what you’ve done to me! I hate that I can’t fix it! I hate that I can’t ruin you, destroy you, rip you to shreds the way you did to me. I hate that I’m going to have to live like this! I’ve spent years obsessing about you and me and what you show me. Now it’s too late to go back and change things. I’m too far gone. You’ve taken too much of me away and there’s no way to find it again.
And the worst fucking part? You don’t even give a shit because…YOU’RE A FUCKING MIRROR!
~Bones
She wiped the tears that'd escaped from her eyes and stood up just at her first student came inside. She put on her fake smile and started the day.
Dear Mirror,
God, this is stupid. This whole writing-a-letter thing. You don’t even exist, at least not in the flesh, the way I do. The way you make me. I hate you. I fucking hate everything about you. Your flawless cut and smooth surface. And I fucking hate that I’m too superstitious to break you. I want to break you. I want to destroy you into fragments that can cut deeper than ever before. And I want to watch as you shatter.
Man, I’m messed up. I’m sitting here fucking ranting about a mirror. You know you did this, right? If you had just stayed in that store where Mom found you, I would be okay right now. But you came into the house, into my house, and you fucked everything up. I remember the day you were hung in my bathroom. I remember thinking that I would spend hours in front of you, perfecting every inch of myself until you deemed me presentable. I remember thinking that it would all be too easy because how could you not love me as much as I loved myself. I remember thinking how beautiful I was and how you would show me that every time I graced your presence. I remember loving you. But now I fucking hate you.
I did spend hours in front of you, perfecting every inch of myself. But nothing ever changed. And you showed me that nothing ever mattered, that I never mattered. I was fat and ugly and you shoved that right in front of my face every God damn day of my life. I still see that every day when I wake up. I still see a fat chick with no beauty or hope for any. And that’s sick because, as of right now, I weigh 80 pounds. 80 fucking pounds! I don’t even weigh as much as my fucking 12-year-old brother. And I can’t even fucking enjoy it! You’ve ruined everything for me! You’ve ruined my entire life!
I’ve done nothing but yo-yo diet and starve myself and force my own stomach acid out of my throat. I spent my weekends at the fucking gym, running lap after fucking lap praying to look down and not see those few jiggles of fat encasing my legs. I haven’t had a boyfriend since you came along. I haven’t had any fucking sex because no one wants to sleep with someone whose ribs they can individually count!
I HATE YOU! I hate what you’ve done to me! I hate that I can’t fix it! I hate that I can’t ruin you, destroy you, rip you to shreds the way you did to me. I hate that I’m going to have to live like this! I’ve spent years obsessing about you and me and what you show me. Now it’s too late to go back and change things. I’m too far gone. You’ve taken too much of me away and there’s no way to find it again.
And the worst fucking part? You don’t even give a shit because…YOU’RE A FUCKING MIRROR!
~Bones
She wiped the tears that'd escaped from her eyes and stood up just at her first student came inside. She put on her fake smile and started the day.
♠ ♠ ♠
Madalinaballerina: I didn't want to erase anything in this letter because it was such raw emotion that it was perfect for this story. Sorry to anyone who's... offended... I thought it was amazing. Thank you!!!!!-kayt