Dear You: Sincerely, Me

Ann got up early the next morning to read the rest of her letters. But Adabella was already up and sitting in the playroom when she padded out to the kitchen with her folder. She smiled and kissed the small blonde girl on her forehead before pulling herself onto a bar stool and started to read.

Dear Heartbreaker,

Before we start over, I have one thing to say. But it can't be anything too terribly dramatic. It can't be understood. It can't have meaning. It has to be a simple string of words that has no underlying contest or hidden message. Nothing special, just three words. Three syllables. Eight letters. Can you guess? That's not hard, is it? Saying those three words, right? But somehow.... it is. I can't bring myself to write them. And you? You can't speak them. I've seen you try. You get to "I l-" and freeze. Like going any farther might hurt you. It's almost like "ove you" is poison, never to cross your lips. Of course, I can't write it together either. It's hard. Telling you that I might have fell for you, that is.I wasn't supposed to. I didn't mean to. You were off limits. That's what they told me, anyway. Did they tell you that too? That you couldn't even think about someone like me?I doubt it though. You were the school's golden student and I'm just a pathetic loner left to my own survival. We were from two different worlds. And once we're fit for a cast, there ain't no going back. Don't change who you are. Don't break the mold you are given. You can't change. No one bit. They act like it's a crime, growing up. But really, it should be rejoiced. You're learning, becoming a better person. But they don't see it that way. You have to be the same person you have always been. But you aren't, are you? You changed. They didn't like that. They tried to stop you. But you didn't care, I swear. You walked over there, to where I sat in the cafeteria. You sat down and introduced yourself, looking just at me. I swear my heart beat skipped a beat.

"Hi."

One word.

My heart stopped and my breath hitched in my chest.

I'd never seen anyone who could look so good in jeans and a t-shirt, sitting in a school cafeteria, with that look in their eyes. Only you. My friends stared at you, because you never even looked at us before, let alone sat down at our table and said hello. To me. I didn't think you knew I existed. We've been in the same homeroom since 5th grade, sure but you never looked at me. I was okay with that, for the most part. I liked watching you interact with the teachers and the people around you. You're very vivacious and it's ironic that on our first date, you weren't talkative at all but rather shy and reserved. Your palms were sweaty, I noticed as we walked through town, trying to ignore the stares, the points, the whispers. I tried to forget the looks my friends gave me when I told them about you. They didn't believe me, they thought it was some kind of joke. I told them that you were for real, that you wouldn't hurt me. I guess I was wrong.

Months passed and I knew more about you by the day. Your favorite color and music came the first week. The came who you want to be and who you've been a week after that. Your fears showed one by one and that last week that I thought I knew you, I learned that you weren't the golden child all your life.

But then, whatever we had, everything we had, was suddenly over, randomly gone. I don't mean to sound too oblivious to our situation but I still don't understand what happened. It was amazing starry night, the night before our.... falling out. We lay in your trampoline, counting as many stars as we could. We gave yo around 30. I laughed at your cat jumping up with us and curling up on our arms with his body heat. You pushed him off and told me you're allergic. I reply with, "I am too," a smile lighting my face.

That's when you kissed me and I swore my life could end right there and I wouldn't care. I would've died happy. I had to go home so you walked me there, kissed me by the door and started to say it, those eight letters. You started and froze. I shrugged it off, saying you thought it was too soon. I kissed you back and smiled, heading inside. You stayed on the street until I turned my light on. I saw you smile, wave and walk away, a sad beat to your steps. I couldn't tell then, I was on Cloud Nine. Now, looking back, I was stupid to miss it, almost naive. But honestly, I had fallen for you. I didn't want to see it, that depressed gate away from me. So I merely didn't. I simple erased it. I should've paid attention. That way I wasn't blindsided.

The next day, I walked to my locker as always and found you leaning against it, looking the saddest I'd ever seen. I asked, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just... read this." you kissed me and left, that sad lope leading you away from me again.

I opened the note and took a deep breath as I read it to myself. The contents broke my heart. I couldn't breathe, as I felt the tears in my eyes. But I wasn't going to cry. I put my bag in my locker and went to the bathroom, heading to the last stall. I sat in the corner and cried to myself, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. You'd broken up with me. And I felt lost. I sat there all day, just thinking and crying. I never was hungry or thirsty or tired. I was numb to everything. Numb to it all except to my breaking heart. I wouldn't get used to that. I heard the last bell sound but I stayed until the janitor turned off the lights, thinking the school was vacant. It might well have been, in all honesty. I got up some hours later, finding myself in the empty building. I roamed the halls and decided it was was time for something to eat.

Vacant. It describes everything about me. No. Not everything. Just about though. I had too many pains to be vacant.

But I was heartbroken.
I was alone.
I was in love.
And you.
You made me this way.

Yours In The Pursuit of Purpose,
Broken & Alone.

Ann took a deep breath and brushed the tear away from her cheek, turning her attention back to her daughter and her fiance who sat side by side. She tried to forget what happened to that poor student but she couldn't. Not yet.