Beautiful Deception

"Brian, leave," Nick hisses forcefully.

I'll be honest, the way Nick sounded, if I were Brian, I'd high tail it the Hell out of there. Well, in my current position, that's definitely not on the list.

Every perfect moment that just happened completely vanishes from my mind. As I clutch the covers to me, I feel ashamed, and I hate that. What Nick and I just shared was beautiful. I should feel as if I'm on top of the
world right now. Being connected to Nick like that nearly erased everything that Jack had done to me.

But, then in comes Brian, and that self loathing comes back again. The feeling of being exposed, having everything laid out in front of an older guy. It's obvious I can't just forget everything that happened. I can't expect to hide behind Nick and hope that what we have will shield me from the rest of the world. Suddenly, I feel as if having sex so soon after being assaulted by Jack was a bad thing.

"Aw, are you crying?" Brian asks with mock affection. I see the muscles in Nick's shoulder tense and he slowly turns to look at me. His eyes are a blue sea of guilt as they take in the tears already staining my cheeks.

Inside my mind, I start to panic. I can't let Nick catch on that I'm regretting what we've just done! He'll literally beat himself up for that.

"Riley...-" He says dejectedly. He reaches out to touch me hesitantly, but thinks better of it and drops his hand. For the first time, after all we've been through together, things are awkward for us.

Brian shakes his head at us as if we're two stupid teenagers who've just seriously fucked up. "Sex changes things, kids," Brian tells us.

The way he called us kids makes me really thing that that's all we are. Two kids who wanted to take a relationship too far too quickly. I can tell Nick is thinking the same thing as he turns back to Brian.

"Sex isn't like kissing, you know. It's not all butterflies and rainbows and whatever the fuck else you probably thought it was. It's something much more serious." The look on Brian's face conveys to me that he's enjoying this little lecture.

"Brian...-" Nick mumbles, a silent plea for him to stop. I'm close to begging Brian to quit it too. Each word he utters makes me literally cringe at what Nick and I just did. We had such a pure relationship, and now... it just got contemplated.

"No, Nick! Someone's got to tell you this," Brian insists. "You guys are fourteen!"

"I'm fifteen," Nick mutters to himself rather than to Brian.

"Kids your age shouldn't be doing this. Is this the reason you guys ran away, huh? You wanted to be little adults?" Brian taunts.

I see the back of Nick's neck go red. Before I know it, Nick jumps out of the bed, clutching a sheet around his waist. I gasp at the sudden movement and hasten to recover myself with the comforter. For the briefest second, I was exposed, and I saw- and felt- Brian's stare all over my naked body. But, I couldn't blame Nick for his sudden actions... I couldn't.

"You don't know shit about us!" Nick yells at Brian, stepping right up to his towering form. "How could you say something like that? I thought you were my friend!"

"I am!" Brian answers, not skipping a beat. "But, I was your brother's friend first. How would he feel, knowing his little brother is screwing around with some girl, huh?"

A pang went threw my chest. Brian's words were like a bullet straight to my heart, ripping through the last bit of it that was still intact. I wanted to speak up and defend Nick and I, but I couldn't will myself to speak- or move.

"She's not just some girl," Nick tells Brian angrily.

"But, maybe one day she will be," Brian counters. "Do you expect you two to stay together forever, Nicky? It's the beginning of high school, for God's sake. You're going to meet new people, things are going to change, and who says that you two are going to be together forever?"

Nick is struck speechless, and I think I've just lost everything to live for. Brian's absolutely right. This is only the beginning. Nick will soon realize that he wants someone more stable than me.

"How dare you?" Nick growls.

Brian throws his hands up in surrender. "I'm just telling it like it is. I was your age too once. I was a hormonal boy, who wanted to get into the pants of the first girl I thought I loved. And, I'm glad I didn't. We broke up after a year and a half of dating. And, you know what, I haven't spoken to her since."

Nick steps back as if he's been slapped, and I fight to hold back a large sob. I lose that fight miserably. Just the thought of being just another girl to Nick nearly destroyed me.
Brian's right again. We're in too deep. Look how emotional I'm getting... over a guy.
About a month ago, Nick was just some attractive boy sitting in the office, joking around with a secretary. He was just the boy showing me around to my classes, bandaging up a cut for me, taking me to my first school dance. I wish I could go back to all those innocent moments.

Nick just looks at Brian, before side-stepping him and walking out of the room. My mouth drops open, is he just leaving me here.

"Where are you going?" Brian shouts over his shoulder at him.

"For a walk, I need to think..." About us, I bet that is the unsaid end of his sentence.

Brian shrugs as if he's done nothing wrong and turns back to me. I half expect Brian to unleash another lecture on me. Perhaps this one telling me how I've fucked with the mind of his dead best friend's little brother.

But, Brian doesn't do that. Instead, he smiles slightly at me.

"You have a beautiful body," Brian comments. My stomach roils at that. Not again! I can't take another guy like Jack. I clench the covers tightly, my knuckles losing color from the force. I remember the last time I was in a similar position. Standing in front of Jack, clutching covers like they were my only life line.

He must've noticed my horrified expression because he shakes his head. "I'm not trying to hit on you just because Nick's gone," he says with a laugh. "I'm merely stating a fact."

I take in a shakey breath, but my body is still tense. It's the mere fact that I have no clothes on underneath the blanket. To make matters worse, Brian steps further into the room thus moving closer to me. I close in on myself, curling up into a ball.

Brian doesn't break eye contact with me as he sits down on the bed.

"What are you...-"

"Calm down, love, I'm not going to hurt you."

That's exactly what Jack said too.