Oxygen

Mike had never felt so cold and fragile. He thought he had known heart break but this was unbearable. Even wrapped tight in his heavy duvet, he could still feel the piercing chill coming from the open window. It was the only thing he could feel.
His cerulean eyes stared at the mirror across from where he lay. He watched his own pale reflection and searched his eyes for any sign of life. Was he even still breathing?

His Billie Joe had left him; his oxygen was gone.

A year ago they were happily enjoying a break from recording, with their band's drummer, one Tre Cool, and the two Jason's. Just a month later Billie was struck down with cancer. They were told that it was caught early and that he had a good chance of making it through.

God, Mike wanted to scream at the fucker who told them that.

Billie had been so positive through the whole god-damn thing and Mike had supported all of Billie's decisions. He had sat with him during chemo and held him when his fear took over. And then he just slipped away. He closed his emerald eyes and drifted away.

Mike hadn't cried, after a total of 3 weeks he still hadn't cried. Everyone had been shut out of his life; he refused everyone's comfort and hadn't answered his telephone since the funeral. He had taken to wearing Billie Joe's shirts, which were much too short on the taller man, and only left the bed to use the bathroom. Food wasn't a priority and most of the items in the cupboards and fridge had long gone off. His coffee addiction had even taken a back seat.

All that existed, in Mike's mind, was him, the chilling breeze and the ache in his chest.

*****

The sun peeked through the blinds creating strips of orange on the carpet. Mike pulled the duvet up to his chin and continued to gaze at his own reflection. He hugged his arms around his chest.

At the beginning the ache was all he could think about it. His heart was shattering to pieces over and over. He kept playing their last night together around in his mind until it made him physically ill. Had he held him tight enough? Had be told him how much he had loved him?

He heard a car pull up onto the driveway and waited for the inevitable shriek of the doorbell. Instead his front door was being unlocked and the sound of voices carried up the stairs.

"Mike!" he heard Tre call, "Mike! Where are you buddy?!"

The bassist didn't reply. He pulled the covers over his head and curled into a ball. There was a knock on the bedroom door and the sound of shuffling feet.

"Is he in there?" He heard a woman whisper.

"I think so. Should we just go on in?" Tre replied.

Instead of an answer the door was pushed open. Mike remained where he was with the duvet covering his grief stricken body. He pulled the fabric of Billie Joe's shirt up around his nose and searched for the comforting smell of his late lover; but he could only smell his own sweat.

"Oh Mikey." The bed dipped as the woman, whose voice he recognised as that of Billie Joe's ex wife, sat down at his feet. She gently placed a hand on the area where his shoulders were, "Come on now."

"Leave me alone." Mike answered, his own voice seemed so distant to him.

"We haven't heard from you since the funeral." Tre whispered as he knelt at the edge of the bed.

Adrienne pulled the covers from Mikes face and tucked it around his waist.

"When was the last time you had a bite to eat?" She asked, "Or had a shower?"

"I don't know." The man muttered.

The raven haired woman rubbed Mike's shoulder and gazed at Tre. He appeared worried, which was a strange expression not often seen on the drummer, he had dark shadows under his eyes and his face seemed older. Mike watched him as he stood up and left the room.

"Where is he going?" He asked.

"He's just going to fetch you a coffee and something to eat." Adrienne attempted a smile, "Remember how you love coffee."

Mike nodded and closed his eyes. Billie Joe always complained about his coffee intake but still managed to have the pot brewed waiting for his lover every morning. The thought brought tears to Mike's eyes.

"It'll be okay honey." Adrienne cooed.

"I can't breathe Adi." Mike sobbed, "I can't seem to get any air into my lungs. My oxygen gone."

He curled tighter into his ball and sobbed. He cried for how unfair the whole ordeal was. He cried for Adi and Tre and everyone else who knew and loved the raven haired singer. He wailed his apologies to Adrienne for what he had done to their marriage and she cried. Seeing the once strong and unbreakable man she had known for so long just break down in front of her was agonizing. She lay down next to his body and wrapped her arms around him.

"It's okay Mike. Just try to breath. Try to calm down." She sobbed.

"He didn't deserve it! He's never hurt anybody!"

"I know but I don't think God works like that Mikey."

Tre returned with a sandwich and a large mug of caffeine. He sat at the end of the bed as the man gingerly ate and drank. Adrienne had her arm around his shoulders to support him. He stank of 3 weeks' worth of sweat and cigarettes.

When he was done, he handed the plate and mug back to the drummer whom hurryingly left it downstairs.

"I didn't think a heart could break this much." Mike whispered, "My stomach even hurts with grief." He stretched out his arms and gazed at his hands, "Nothing seems real. I feel as if I am watching it all happen from above, like I am not even in my own body. I am still waiting for him to call me, " He looked to Adrienne, "I still check my phone for messages from him."

Adrienne gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Life goes on Mike. People die. It's the world."

"If this is the world; I don't want to live in it."

With that, he climbed out of his bed and disappeared into the bathroom.