Things I never said
6053
Patient 6053 pulled herself up off the pearly sheets and curled back into a ball against the copper poll of her bed. The door of her cell opened and in stepped a tall, blonde haired and hazel eyed woman; her best friend Jane. She looked happier than the younger woman remembered her. The pain that she had once held in her eyes had shifted to a sparkle, her lips, although in a frown, still had a smile twitching at the sides and her over all posture seemed contented.
Jane moved closer to the bed and sat gently on its end. Raven curls fell around 6053's face as she leaned toward her chum. Gently she laid her own pale fingers around those of Jane's.
"Hi." Jane whispered, a forced smile creeping onto her face, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."
6053 smoothed the top of Jane's hand with her thumb and shook her head tenderly.
"I came home as soon as I heard." She waited for a response, "Are you okay?"
"If I was, I wouldn't be in here." 6053 replied morbidly.
Her voice was hoarse and barely audible. Jane searched her sapphire eyes for any sign of the friend she had known; but nothing was there. It was a sea of confusion and sadness but mostly, it was emptiness. It hurt Jane to see her friend like this. Cooped up in a 'rest home' away from humanity and away from social contact. She had been doing so well, keeping her head up and her voice down; where had it gone wrong?
"What happened?" Jane asked.
6053 gazed up at her much taller friend.
"You are possibly one of the best friends I could ever have but when I needed you, where the hell were you?"
"You never asked for my help." Jane's voice was silent and calming despite the anger that she felt.
"I can't. You know I can't. You're supposed to realise by the way I talk, by the way I text. Hell, my face would be a dead giveaway sometimes." 6053 abruptly pulled her hand form her friends grasp and wrapped her arms around her knees, "It's what friends do is."
"You should just ask if you need me. You know I am here for you and always will be; but you have to ask!" Jane snapped.
"I'm scared to ask you in case you hate me. In case you think I am being stupid.
It's not stupid you know, just because I have my antidepressants doesn't mean that I can't have bad days!" She paused and watched for a reaction, "Just because you have no sentiment."
Jane scowled, "I don't wear my heart to my sleeve so that makes me a bad person?"
"No. It makes it hard for your friends to know whether they mean anything to you, or if their just wasting their time."
Jane simply stared into her lap. It was true that she was not an emotional person and she had let a lot of things glide over her head but she had certainly always tried to show '53 some how much she meant to her. Love wasn't a word she used but she had to admit; she loved her.
She gazed back into her friends eyes, now full of ache and coldness; just like her own heart.
"I'm sorry for what you went through and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." It was the only thing she could say.
'53 began to weep. Whether it be anger of distress; Jane couldn't tell.
"All I wanted was for you to help me and tell me that you loved me. To at least show me that I mean something to you."
"I'm not like that."
"I know. But would it kill you to try?"
Jane sighed and slumped her shoulders forward.
"You're right. I swear I'll try harder from now on. I just need help." She whispered.
"So did I and even though you weren't there to give me mine, I'll be there for you."
Jane stood up, "That's means a lot to me." She gingerly backed towards the door way and rested her hand on the handle, "I should get back to work though."
'53 nodded and pulled the covers up over her body.
"I love you." Jane murmured.
'53 Smiled to herself.
"I know."
Jane moved closer to the bed and sat gently on its end. Raven curls fell around 6053's face as she leaned toward her chum. Gently she laid her own pale fingers around those of Jane's.
"Hi." Jane whispered, a forced smile creeping onto her face, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."
6053 smoothed the top of Jane's hand with her thumb and shook her head tenderly.
"I came home as soon as I heard." She waited for a response, "Are you okay?"
"If I was, I wouldn't be in here." 6053 replied morbidly.
Her voice was hoarse and barely audible. Jane searched her sapphire eyes for any sign of the friend she had known; but nothing was there. It was a sea of confusion and sadness but mostly, it was emptiness. It hurt Jane to see her friend like this. Cooped up in a 'rest home' away from humanity and away from social contact. She had been doing so well, keeping her head up and her voice down; where had it gone wrong?
"What happened?" Jane asked.
6053 gazed up at her much taller friend.
"You are possibly one of the best friends I could ever have but when I needed you, where the hell were you?"
"You never asked for my help." Jane's voice was silent and calming despite the anger that she felt.
"I can't. You know I can't. You're supposed to realise by the way I talk, by the way I text. Hell, my face would be a dead giveaway sometimes." 6053 abruptly pulled her hand form her friends grasp and wrapped her arms around her knees, "It's what friends do is."
"You should just ask if you need me. You know I am here for you and always will be; but you have to ask!" Jane snapped.
"I'm scared to ask you in case you hate me. In case you think I am being stupid.
It's not stupid you know, just because I have my antidepressants doesn't mean that I can't have bad days!" She paused and watched for a reaction, "Just because you have no sentiment."
Jane scowled, "I don't wear my heart to my sleeve so that makes me a bad person?"
"No. It makes it hard for your friends to know whether they mean anything to you, or if their just wasting their time."
Jane simply stared into her lap. It was true that she was not an emotional person and she had let a lot of things glide over her head but she had certainly always tried to show '53 some how much she meant to her. Love wasn't a word she used but she had to admit; she loved her.
She gazed back into her friends eyes, now full of ache and coldness; just like her own heart.
"I'm sorry for what you went through and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." It was the only thing she could say.
'53 began to weep. Whether it be anger of distress; Jane couldn't tell.
"All I wanted was for you to help me and tell me that you loved me. To at least show me that I mean something to you."
"I'm not like that."
"I know. But would it kill you to try?"
Jane sighed and slumped her shoulders forward.
"You're right. I swear I'll try harder from now on. I just need help." She whispered.
"So did I and even though you weren't there to give me mine, I'll be there for you."
Jane stood up, "That's means a lot to me." She gingerly backed towards the door way and rested her hand on the handle, "I should get back to work though."
'53 nodded and pulled the covers up over her body.
"I love you." Jane murmured.
'53 Smiled to herself.
"I know."