Shadow Dreams

Daniella

Carmen and I sat on her bed, legs crossed Indian style, and eating huge bowls of ice cream. She listened to my story with wide eyes and rapt attention. I think she was having a tough time believing. I didn’t blame her. There was a long bout of silence when I’d finished my story.

“Seriously?” She finally asked.

“Seriously.”

“No joke?” I shook my head and she let out a breath. “That’s some pretty serious stuff, Dani.”

“I know.”

“You definitely can’t tell Kathie. She’d have a cow if you kept talking about this stuff.”

“I know.” I said. I set aside my empty bowl and pulled my legs up against my chest. We’d changed out of the dresses a while back. My hair was still up and the make-up was still on because I was too lazy to do anything about it. “I feel like I’m losing it. But honestly, this isn’t the first time this has happened.”

“Its not?”

I shook my head no. “Remember at the mall, how I freaked when you touched my shoulder?” When she said she remembered I took in a deep breath and let it out. “Someone was talking inside my head.” She gave me a weird look. “I know it sounds crazy, but I’m not joking. It scared me. Carma.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, hon. Except that maybe your mom wasn’t so crazy after all.” When I gave her a puzzled look, she finished explaining. “There for a while, she’d say weird things out loud and tell your grandma weird stuff. Remember? I was over one day and we were making cookies. She started calling us someone else and asking all these questions.”

It took me a minute but then I remembered. That’s what my grandma must have meant when she said my mom was sick. “Yeah, I remember. That was right before everything went down hill. Now that I think about it, I can remember a few times when mom and dad were arguing. He said she needed to be in the hospital. It was right before he went off on that last trip.” I thought about it for a long time and then sat up so my legs could dangle over the side of the bed. “Actually, I caught her talking to herself several times before my dad split. If I asked her about it, she’d pretend it was nothing, but she watched me really close.

“There was a time when I repeated a full conversation she’d had when I’d been playing with my dolls. My dad heard me and asked where I’d heard all that stuff. When I told him ‘from mommy’ he had freaked out and started a fight.” I shook my head in confusion. “I wish she was still alive. Then I could talk to her about it. Maybe things started out like this for her.”

“You know what you could do?” Carmen asked after sitting there quietly. I shook my head. She opened her mouth to answer, but her little brother Gabriel burst into the room.

“Sissy! Mama says you and Dani need to come eat.” He was back out in a flash.

Carmen pointed at me. “We’ll finish this after dinner.

Dinner with Carmen’s family was always entertaining. They all got along, for the most part. I definitely preferred this to the cold atmosphere at home. I smiled brightly as Mr. Martinez’s boisterous laughter filled the room. It was then that he turned his sparkling brown eyes on me.

“Ah! Dani! My second, calmer, more polite daughter.” He stated, shooting a playful glance at Carmen, and a goofy smile at me. “How are you?”

“I’m alright.” I stated with a genuine smile. The boys had finally calmed down, all five of them, so that we could easily hear each other. It was an odd change, but also a welcome one.

“And how is your aunt? I heard from my Carmita that she’s got a new job.”

“She’s doing great, actually. More laid back than usual, which is a nice change. The job is great for her. She gets out a lot.”

“Ah! Sounds good, except I can hear a ‘but’ coming on.” Carmen’s dad was so intuitive that I didn’t understand how she got away with everything she did.

“But,” I started with a smile, “I think she keeps running into business that has to do with my dad. She’s been grumbling about him a lot lately. I don’t think she realizes it.”

I watched as his expression darkened, his laugh lines disappearing from his face, at the mention of dad. “I see.”

I could feel the tension fill up the room. I regretted even bringing it up. But, Mrs. Martinez came to the rescue.

“All right, all my favorite men, meet in the den for movies! Girls, you’re free to go have a chat or whatever it is you do.” She stated with a wink.

I had hoped that Carmen had forgotten our earlier conversation. Of course I was wrong.

“What I was saying before,” She stated seriously, “is that you could start asking questions.” When she glanced at me, her gaze seemed to look right through me. “I know you hate the idea, but maybe you should ask Kathie about your mom.” Her gaze slid away. “Or, you could ask your dad.”

“No way am I doing that! If I call him, he’ll automatically think I’m on his side. He’ll try to suck me into his superficial, robotic world.” I stated defensively, making a disgusted face.

“Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

I let my mouth drop open in obvious horror at the idea. “Excuse me?”

“Dani! I’m serious. Before you jump to conclusions, just hear me out.”

I glared at her but said nothing.

Carmen took in a deep breath. “I think, that what you need most right now is a change of scenery. That’s what you could get with your dad.” She ignored my glare. “I mean it! It’d be a change of pace. And you could get some answers. Ignore your step mom and her kids. Be yourself. But go. You need these answers.

I hated to, but I agreed. She was right. I called my dad the next day when I got home.