Goin' Out Swingin'

My pulse is racing and my head is spinning. Mikey thinks he’s so right in everything. Just ‘cause he’s the sensible little brother he’s always been. I could tell him I’ve never felt better in my life right at this moment! Him, him telling me that these drugs would kill me. What a fucking douche. He tells me everyone else can take one drink and still have fun, but oh no, not me. I have to have four more and get drunk - that’s how I have fun.
Fuck him, I can be sober and have fun! I just choose to drink and have fun. And so what if occasionally I like to smoke some pot, or kick back with some acid. I can stop anytime I want. I have control. I’m not some addicted druggie and alcoholic. I’m not one of those dicks who injects heroin. I’m scared of needles. I just snort it, or you know chase the dragon. I mean, people say it’s just as bad as injecting it into the bloodstream, but fuck them. What do they know? People say the strangest things.
Then he goes and gives me shit just for rolling a joint in the middle of a family reunion. It’s not like anyone else noticed. He’s just to preoccupied with my well-being. I’m fine! I’m as high as a kite, I’m by far happy. Yet he tries and steals that away from me. Doesn’t he understand I wouldn’t be the same without the drugs? Or the alcohol? He tells me to go to rehab, or cold turkey. I did think about it. But then realised; I could get fat if I did that, what’s worse? Being fat or being an addict? It’s not like I can’t control myself, like I said, I do have control. I think that kid just needs to lighten up, spin loose and have a drink. But since I’m lonely now, since my girlfriend left me because while I was at her house, cocaine fell from my jacket pocket and her mother saw it. Dear Lord! Doesn’t anyone know how to have a little fun? If she knew the feeling you get when you snort that shit, the rush that goes straight to your head. No one would complain then if they knew that feeling, that’s why no drug user is willing to quit, it’s the feeling you get, the rush of adrenaline. Then there Frank goes and tells me to stop. Him, telling me to stop. What a muppet! It’s not like I haven’t saw him roll the odd joint every now and then.
I mean, it may not be as bad as, say Heroin but it’s a drug nonetheless isn’t it? They’re all hypocrites, the lot of them. I’ve been thinking about heroin for a long time. A lot of people have been telling me how much better it is to inject it. Though I just don’t think I could put a needle into my arm. I couldn’t. But here I am, spoon in hand. Waving the lighter under the spoon waiting for it to dissolve. Putting it into the needle, I tie my belt around my left arm and slowly infuse the drug into my body. I won’t lie, this isn’t the first time I’ve injected. It’s maybe, say, well I don’t know anymore. And it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. But then they come back, those little yellow creatures! Waving their guns with their little smock hats! They’re coming to get me again. I panic and flush the rest of the drugs down the toilet. Everyone’s coming to get me! I’ve tried telling Mikey about them but he never listens. He says they’re a fragment of my imagination. But he doesn’t see them! He doesn’t understand.
Dave phoned me and asked if I would come over. Of course I knew what we were going to do. He’s my dealer. He introduced me to a little thing called ’speedballing’. After putting the cocaine and heroin in to the needle, I inject and look over at Dave. I give a drooping smirk and close my eyes. My phone rang, it was Mikey, I answered and told him I was at Dave’s and to fuck off. I stood up and tried to walk, I feel to the ground and my mind went fuzzy. I felt like I was going to die. “Fuck sake, fuck, fuck, fuck! Gerard? Gerard? Fucking dickhead I knew that bastard wouldn’t be able to handle this shit!” I heard loud footsteps run out of the room and as I slowly slipped away, I felt my phone buzz, buzz…buzzing. My mind went blank.
I can feel myself drifting out of my body, I look down and I see my body laying limp, paramedics and the police were running in and out. Then, I see my litle brother and best friends run in, the police trying to hold them back, my brother gives a strangled cry and then I see something, and drift away.