On the Surface I Have the Perfect Life, But My Life Isn't Surfacing

I lay in bed, feeling sleepless yet exhausted at the same time. My head was throbbing with stress and my room was too stuffy.

I stood up, feeling the fluffy carpet beneath my feet.

I walked downstairs and into the kitchen, the soft light of the moon guiding me. I slid the light on low and grabbed a glass and filled it with whisky.
Staring at the amber coloured substance, I knew it would do nothing for my head but hopefully it would lull me to sleep.

Over the last couple of days, or at the days that had passed since I saw Maggie, I had tried my best to work things out with Marcus.
I tried to speak to him alone but he brushed me off with a sad sigh, I tried desperately to get his attention to do anything that would captivate him for just a moment. I only need a moment, a second to talk to him, to apologise. But I had hurt him too bad.

I slumped back in my chair and let out a frustrated groan, rubbing my temple’s, I nursed my whisky.

When I finished my drink, I rinsed my cup out. As I stared out the window I could see a light, coming from an unfamiliar room in the house. Slowly and quietly I tiptoed out of the kitchen and round a corner and down a short hallway. Soon enough I came face to face with a door, a door which was slightly ajar. Making the most of my situation I nudged the door open a crack, the room was large and open plan. I saw a desk in a far corner with someone slumped asleep on it.

I walked over to the person, careful not to be too noise. As I got closer I could see the familiar strands of dark hair covering tanned skin.

CRAP. ITS MARCUS.

I turned around, quietly and began tiptoeing out, only this time I knocked into a big brass lamp and hurtled to the ground.

“CJ, what are you doing” I heard a sleepy Marcus ask.

CRAP. CRAP. DOUBLEY CRAP.

I rubbed my foot and inhaled sharply. “I saw the light on in here, I just came to see who was in here and if they were okay”

Slowly and not caring what Marcus thought, I slid off my sock which had become moist with blood or sweat, I couldn’t tell.

“oh my god, CJ. What did you do?!”

My foot had swelled, and was cut and now I could easily tell it was blood.

“I banged into the big lamp” I pointed to the lamp.

I attempted to stand up, but as I put my toes on the ground it became clear that I had broken a few toes. I cringed from the pain, I gripped on the sofa and turned to Marcus who had a pained expression.

I tried to walk, but the pain was intense I almost fell back until I felt a pair of arms catch me. With this before I could protest, I had been scooped up and was being carried to the bathroom.

“Seriously, Marcus I can walk”

“Whatever we’re here now” Marcus plopped me onto a chair in the bathroom as he began searching for something.

I examined my foot again, it had turned an awful purpley-yellow colour and had swelled, I also had a gashed across the fronts of my toes. I groaned in horror at my feet.

Marcus returned to me, with a bottle of antiseptic, cotton buds, bandages and plasters.

“Thanks.. Erm you can back to sleep now I can sort my foot out” I motioned towards Marcus to give me the medical equipment but he refused.

“I’m up now” Taking my foot in his hand, he delicately swabbed at the sores with a sterile cotton pad. I cringed at the pain, my face crumbling.

“I know, I’m sorry ” I said towards Marcus.

“For me mending your foot or for you kissing my brother” He said the last part quietly.

I sighed and shut my eyes. “well for both” I slowly opened them as he stopped dabbing at my foot.

“Yeah well, CJ sometimes sorry isn’t enough”

I crinkled my forehead, partly in agony from foot partly from the guilt.

“I know, I know” I pulled my foot away sharply as he cleaned my toes, which stung as did my eyes which I was now aware were streaming.

He gently pulled my foot back, as I dug my nails into the bed to shield the pain.

“Maybe next time you want to get my attention to apologise, you don’t cut your toes open and bleed all over” Marcus said, concentrating on sterilising my feet.

“ I know, I’m so clumsy lately” I breathed sharply as he bandaged my cut feet up.

After a while, he finished and turned to me. “Finished CJ”

“Are we?” I said to him without thinking.

I turned my head slowly, to catch his gaze.

He stared at me with his beautiful eyes and lifted a thumb to my face, tenderly wiping the tears away. “Yes CJ” He sighed and stood up.

“It doesn’t have to be, Marcus” I grabbed his hands and pulled him down to face level.

“Yes it does CJ, you already made it harder than it had to be” he bit his lip and stared to the ground.

“I know and I know how hurtful I was, but please”

Marcus let go of my hands, and shook his head. “No CJ, No amount of pleading or crying is going to amend what happened”

That’s when he stood up and left.

I stared at the door hoping he would re-appear but he never did so.