Dancers Mended Heart

I hate school. The teachers are all snobby and strict. The kids who I sue to hang out with are bugging the shit out of me, and I have tons of homework. Perfect.

Matt and I were walking home, cuz we didn’t feel like being squished in the car again. We kept shoving each other, and giving each other wet willies. But we were walking really slow, so it started getting really cold.

“So…do you like your new school?” Matt hasn’t spoken all afternoon. So all I did was shake my head. “why?” god matt just leave it alone! I wanted to punch his face in, I was to busy thinking about Zacky.

“Nothing, I just get tired of going to school, I’d rather dance all day. Do you know Zacky is in my first two periods?”

“He is?” Matt stopped walking, probably thinking of a way to tell me to stay away from him, that would actually work.

“Yup…he told me he was sorry.” I lowered my voice signaling him to not to raise his.

“Isn’t it a little to late for that?” he started walking again, now he was probably thinking of a way to tell Zacky to stay away from me, but he knows Zacky to well. Zacky still loves me.

“Matt….I want to talk to him, soon.”

“Uuuuummmm……aint gonna happen.” He shook his head. I stopped dead in front of him infuriated.

“Why not! You’re not the boss of me Matt! You can’t just tell me what to do, I’m 17 for crying out loud! I think I can handle it myself. So you just worry about you, not me. I’m going to talk to Zacky whether you like it or not, because Zacky is my friend and yours too! I don’t want to be the reason for your broken friendship! Got it!” I was panting as I turned and walked away leaving Matt alone in front of our house.

I ran up the stairs passing Jimmy, who sensed something was wrong. I ran into my room slamming my door. I looked around waiting for something to distract me. I picked up a book and started to read, barely paying attention to what the plot was about. I finally calmed down and laid my head down on the book. I closed my eyes thinking ‘Why did Zacky kiss me? He didn’t have to do that; I already knew he still loved me.’ I hope he still knows I don’t love him. He needs to get that across his mind, I just don’t love him the same as he does to me. I sat up deep in thought when a soft knock came to my door.

“Go away Matt.” I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, especially him. I heard the door creak open slowly. I looked up to meet the eyes of Brian.

“Hey…can I come in?” he hesitated before asking. I nodded my head. He walked in slowly and sat on the floor by my feet.

“Sooooo…..hi.”

“Hi, um are you okay?”

“Yeah, Matt and I just had a little argument.” I got down from my bed and sat in front of him on the floor.

“You wanna talk to Zacky huh? That might be a little hard, Zacky and Matt aren’t talking to each other.” He shook his head not believing his own words.

“Yeah……really bad too!” I whined then pinched myself for telling him the truth.

“He loves you a lot you know. That’s why he kissed you, to keep me away from you, he saw me as a threat…as competition,” I gave him an expression saying ‘you like me?’, “ I don’t like you like that, I said I thought you were pretty, but I don’t love you like he does, I don’t think I can ever love someone as much as he loves you.” I smiled slyly. It’s a nice thought to know someone loves you.

“I know.” I barely whispered to him, it was more of me talking to myself. I hung my head low, picturing Zacky smiling on the rooftop of the dance studio.

“You love him don’t you?” I looked up at him shaking my head slowly.

“No.”

“Yes you do, admit it.” He smiled, teasing me.

“Not like that.” I moved my eyes to the door, silently telling him to get out. He caught on and walked to the door. I sighed in relief before he turned around.

“Leena, stop pretending, stop telling yourself you don’t love him. Everyone knows you do. Even if you don’t want to believe it you know it’s true. This isn’t good Leena; you’re hurting him, bad. He loves you so much, he wants you to be his, and he can’t stay away from you. But you keep him from getting close enough to keep your own god damn secret! Leena you love him. Just stop this game your playing and face it!” he turned and walked away leaving me alone, drowning in every word he said. Because everything he said was true.

2 WEEKS LATER

I haven’t spoken to anyone since Brian spoke to me. They all tried but soon gave up, it was hopeless. They stopped taking me places, teasing me; they even stopped looking at me. It was just me and Matt home. Everyone had something to do, surprisingly. We were watching SpongeBob and Patrick take care of a baby clam. It was cute; I haven’t watched this show in forever. I really missed it. I was getting up to get a glass of water when a knock came to the door. I stopped walking to the kitchen and walked to the door. Matt already started walking to the door. I rushed past him racing him to the door. I got there first and stuck my tongue out at him. I turned back opening the door. A tall man stood there in an olive green jacket. He looked me up and down. I all of a sudden felt self-conscious. He was finished staring at my body when he looked behind me and smiled. He took something out of his jacket and pointed it at Matt. I looked behind me at Matt. He was snow white, and wide eyed. He looked as if he were going to be sick. Three loud bangs filled the air. And Matt fell. I screamed and ran to Matt. The man shot him, he took his life away. I held his hand and pushed his hair back, whispering it was going to be okay. Neighbors filed into the house, each of them calling 911.

Matt was being rushed down a long green hallway. I wanted to go with him but Jimmy held me back. Everyone was there. I sat in between my mommy and Jimmy. My mom was crying, while Brian tried to comfort her. My jaws hurt due to retelling everyone what happened. We found out it was Matt’s drug dealer. No one even knew he did drugs. I was heart broken. My Matt destroyed himself with crap he never needed. W e sat in the waiting room for the good or bad news, for almost 3 hours. Finally a tall man walked up taking my mothers hand. He told her something which led her to saying thank you over and over and over.

“He’s okay!” she cried out. All of the tension lifted from the small room. The doctor motioned for us to follow him; he was taking us to him. We all entered the room carefully. He was sleeping; I would never be able to sleep with all those tubes going into my body. We sat down away from each other. My mom sat down beside him and rubbed his forehead with the back of her hand. He looked so peaceful. I heard a phone vibrate. Brian reached into his pocket and read hi text. He got up looking at me and left the room without saying where he was going. He came back a half hour later. With someone else.

Zacky entered the room keeping his eyes on Matt. He sat straight across from me on the other side of the room. No one said anything still. I was growing tired of the silence; I got up and walked out.

I walked toward the church inside the hospital, I was going to pray for Matt. I got in and I was alone. I went to the front and sat on the bench. I bowed my head, staring at the lights glowing from the floor from the ceiling. I was like that for 15 minutes. I felt someone sit down next to me, their body heat gave it away. I looked down at the shoes, red converse. It was Zacky. He sat with me in silence, until a man and his toddler walked in. They sat a couple benches away. I could feel the little girls gaze on us. I heard them whisper to each other about her mom.

“Daddy look, lovebirds.” Zacky and I looked over at the little girl and her father, she was pointing at us smiling. Her father put her finger down and smiled apologetically. Zacky grabbed my hand and led me out of the church. We walked down the hallway hand in hand. He took me to the cafeteria. He got himself coffee and I bottled water. We sat down in the corner away from the noise. He still held my hand. We sat in silence again. Then I started crying. I don’t know why either. I didn’t want to loose my brother too. But I wasn’t going to loose him, he was going to be okay. I blame myself for Matt’s situation. If I hadn’t opened the door to a complete stranger, we wouldn’t be sitting in the hospital. Stupid me. I’m so stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!!!!! Zacky wrapped his arms around me letting me cry in his shoulder. I never noticed this before, he was so warm. His body seemed to wrap all around me. He was so much bigger than me. He was strong, and tall. He smelled good too. I rested my head on his chest, tired of crying. I drummed my fingers on his chest, which gave him goosebumps. I smiled at his reaction. And so did he. I retraced a design on his shirt gently; he picked my hand up and kissed it. He wiggled his arm around my waist, and he allowed me to rest my hand on his hip. We were getting stares and smiles from everyone. Some of the old couples nudged and pointed to us. I felt a little uncomfortable and I tensed up. Zacky rubbed my shoulder and got up. He grabbed my hand again as we walked to Matt’s room.

We heard talking so we walked faster. Matt was awake and he was talking to Johnny. When he saw us he threw his head back and laughed a single HA! He looked back at us and smiled shaking his head.

“Don’t you ever listen Aileen?” Zacky squeezed my hand and we sat down. I moved Zacky’s hand so it rested on my knee. I was glad he was okay.