Your Eyes Tell Me What I Need to Know

You'd think that the Caitlin fiasco was the couples downfall, but it was Hank that destroyed things all by himself. As the clock ticked down and Sweden lost their shot at a medal, Katrina's heart broke for Hank, it truly did. She remembered how it felt to come so close to something so big only to fall short. He had been great which was no surprise to her, he always preformed spectacularly. It was who he was, when he was on his game he was on it. There were never any doubts about it. When he had left the hotel he seemed so ready and now she knew he was defeated. There wouldn't be a repeat of the gold medal for his home country.

Getting out of her seat, Katrina made her way out of the stands and to where she had met up with Hank the last time when he had asked to see her after the game. Taking a seat on the bench, she ran a hand through her hair as she waited. She knew that she didn't have to get to the spot so fast, but sometimes when Hank was in a bad mood after a loss, he would rush through everything so that he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. When that happened, they usually would find their way to one of their apartments and work out the disappointing loss. But Hank wasn't the only one that was feeling the disappointing loss. Katrina wanted him and his team to do well, but there was nothing she could do about what happened.

Sitting on the bench, she waited for Hank. And she waited and waited. Grabbing her phone out of her bag, she turned it on and looked at the time. Instead of putting it away, she went through the pictures she had on the phone. She had taken some of the sights and some of her and Hank and sent them to Shannon. Katrina couldn't remember the last man that made her as happy as Hank made her feel without even trying. It was so refreshing to know that Hank loved her without a doubt, without a question in his mind. It was something new to her, but it was something she would never get tired of hearing.

After sitting for three hours, she stood up so that she could stretch her legs. She was getting tired, it wasn't like Hank to take this long. All she wanted to do was make him feel better about what had happened, but taking this long was ridiculous. Seeing someone walk out of the locker room she took in what they were wearing. It was the clean-up crew. Confusion grew in her mind and across her face. The man looked upon her face and said the one thing that she didn't think she would hear. “They've all gone. Locker room is empty.”

Nodding her head in understanding, she grabbed her stuff and walked towards the exit. She couldn't believe that Hank had left her waiting for him. Checking her phone, she saw there were no messages or missed calls from Hank. So basically he didn't care that she was waiting for him. She could understand how upset he was, but he could have at least told her that he was leaving or something. Was it so hard to say that he wanted to be left alone? Not in her opinion it wasn't. Try as she might, she couldn't get mad at him. All she wanted to do was give him a hug. That would be what she wanted to do, instead she was hoping to catch a bus so that she could get back to her hotel room and pack things up. She figured that Hank wouldn't want to stay around for too long and that was okay with her.

The bus ride was long, longer than the one on the way to the arena. That could have been since she was tired and sad with a twinge bit of upset mixed in. She really wanted to know what was going through Hank's head that he would just leave her waiting for him. Understanding that he was upset, she got that, but to leave someone that was there for you waiting for three and a half hours, just didn't make sense to her. She had bad losses before and not once did she forget someone that was there for her. She might not have been in the best mood, especially after the post game interview, but she never ever left someone.

Watching the scenery from the window seat, she took it all in. It was a sight she probably wouldn't be seeing again, at least not for some time. The only reason she had come was because it meant so much to Hank. She might he a proud American, but she was very proud of what Hank had been able to accomplish in his time out here. He might not have gotten the result that he wanted, but he was still young and that meant he could have another chance at it.

The halting of the bus, jarred her out of her thoughts. Standing up, she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder as she walked towards the front of the bus. Stepping out of the bus, she started walking towards the hotel. It was only a few blocks away, so instead of grabbing a cab, she decided to take in the cool night air. There was no way she could walk at night at home, not by herself when it was this late at night.

The cool night air was truly refreshing. Walking always seemed to clear her mind, well walking and running, but she couldn't do that here. The time here was to support the love of her life, but she did make sure that she got plenty of exercise in.

Entering the hotel lobby she walked right over to the elevator and punched the call button for the car. Grabbing her phone out of her bag once again, she checked for any messages, but there was still nothing there, much to her disappointment. Stepping into the car, she pushed her floor number as she waited for the doors to close and crossed her arms and took a deep breath. The elevator doors opened half way up and she moved out of the way for the person to pick the floor they needed to get to. Once she reached her floor she stepped off and headed straight to her hotel room.

Opening the door she walked in and shut the door behind her and locked it and put the chain on the door. Dropping her bag on the chair by the table, she saw Hank walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. His eyes met hers before he walked over to his suitcase. “Hey.”

She didn't really know what to say, but she knew she had to say something. He didn't look her way at all. With a sigh, she took off her jacket and then the jersey he had given to her. Tossing the articles of clothing on the bed near Hank, she watched him and waited for him to say something, anything. He said nothing. So she tried another approach. “Did you take another shower?”

“Yeah.”

At least he said something. A one word answer wasn't what she wanted from him. It was easy for her to tell that he was hurting. This was a time that she was at a loss of what to do. She wanted to be there for him, but she also didn't want to over step something and upset him more than he already was. This was why she didn't date back in California, she wasn't sure how to handle someone else losing something that they wanted so bad. Another reason was because she was doing her best to prove that she belonged there and at times she wished she was still there, but there was good in her trade.

“Do you-”

“No, I don't.” Hank said cutting her off.

“You don't know what I was going to say. You don't have to cut me off.”

“I can't do this.” Hank said, his voice low.

“So we can get a flight out tonight and go home or-”

“That's not what I'm talking about.”

“I guess we could get a hotel and hide out for a bit or even go to LA if you want.”

“That's not what I meant.”

Stripping down to her bra and underwear and he was in his boxers pulling up his pajama bottoms. She went over to her suitcase and grabbed her bottoms and a hair tie. Grabbing the black elastic band she grabbed her hair and put it into a high ponytail. “Okay so no LA.”

“I've been too distracted lately.”

“You can't-”

“YES I HAVE!”

Hearing him scream at her startled her. Katrina looked into his eyes, she could see the tears in them. It matched the ones in her eyes. She didn't know what to say. His raised voice at her scared her. Biting down on her lip, she just looked at him as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say to her. The woman that he said he wanted a commitment from. She willingly had given it to him and he thought that was the right thing to do at the time, now he wasn't so sure.

“Hank, I-” Katrina said, her voice shaky and unsure of what to do.

“I can't do this.”

“Do what?” she asked. “Hank, your-”

“Do you really think I care right now?”

“Hank...”

“You and I can't-”

“Can't what?”

“I can't be with someone who doesn't bring me the luck I need.”

“Luck?”

“You aren't good for me.”

“I can't believe your calling me a jinx. I don't believe you,” Katrina said letting the tears fall. “I did not just put plans on hold to come here and support you. I didn't come here to watch you gawk over the slut that you wished you would be with instead of being me! I didn't let you back into my life so I could feel what heartbreak is like!”

“Kitty...”

“Don't you fucking call me that you ass,” she glared at him. “I trusted you! I believed you when you said things would be different! I fell in love you you. I gave you my heart. And you left me at the arena waiting for you so that you could do this here?”

“I just-”

“No! You don't get to talk! You listen to me now!” Katrina yelled. “You promised things would be different and I can't believe that I thought you could be true to your word. I think I'm going to get dressed and leave. Don't bother looking for me ever again. I wouldn't want to jinx your life or your career.”

Grabbing her pants, she pulled them back on before grabbing her shirt and pulling it on over her head. Slipping her boots on, she tossed the rest of her things into her open suitcase and just zipped it up. Pulling on her jacket, she took the handle of the suitcase and pulled it towards the door. Taking her messenger bag, she slung it over her shoulder and across her chest before wiping the tears that had fallen from her eyes. Looking back at him, she saw he was hurting, but at least he had a chance to get rid of the hurt in time, but hers would be ever present in her mind. Her heart hurt more now than the first time Hank broke it. Walking out felt so much harder than she wanted it to be.

Closing the door she took a deep breath and walked away. Walked away from the love she thought couldn't go wrong and walked away from the man that still had her heart and she didn't think she'd get it back anytime soon.

Her flight home had been extremely long and tiring. Each time she closed her eyes and tried to get some rest she would see Hank's face. A face she couldn't look at without having tears fall from her eyes. And it wasn't like she could hide her eyes behind her sunglasses since she left those at the hotel when she had left Hank after the fight they had the night before she left and didn't tell any of her friends what had happened. She ended up having to call Abby to pick her up from the airport to drive her home. That's how she found herself in the car with Abby with having said barely two words since they found one another.

“There won't be any practices until next week, but if you wanna kick a ball around-”

“I don't.”

Wiping her eyes with the palms of her hands, Katrina continued to stare out the window as Checkers stayed curled in her lap. The traffic was just as bad as the day she had left it.

“That's a beautiful ring.” Abby commented.

Katrina's eyes went down to her hand and saw she was still wearing the ring Hank had given to her. Her eyes felt more tears in her eyes. Closing her eyes, she forgot she was still wearing the ring Hank gave to her in Vancouver when he said that he wanted a commitment from her. He didn't want her with other guys and he didn't want other women, just her. But now he was singing a different tune. A tune that she wasn't liking.

She felt weird leaving New York with a boyfriend and telling him while in Vancouver that she loved him only to come with a broken heart. Vancouver was supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing and it was something she wouldn't forget for a long time.

Once Abby pulled up in front of Katrina's apartment, she unbuckled her seatbelt and placed Checkers back in his traveling cage. Surprisingly he didn't fight it. Grabbing the carrier along with her messenger bag she met Abby at the back of her car to get her suitcase. Placing the luggage on the sidewalk next to Katrina, Abby closed the trunk slowly.

“Katrina, I know somethings wrong, but just know that if you need anything I'm here for you.”

“I just-”

“I know,” Abby said cutting her off. “But I just want you to know that if you need me, I'll be here. Take your time. I can see that your hurting.”

“Thanks Abby.” Katrina said as she pulled her luggage behind her and heading into the apartment building.

Walking inside her apartment, she dropped her bag next to her luggage after pocketing her cell phone. Closing the door, she locked the deadbolt and then placed the chain on the door. Kneeling down to where she had set Checkers cage down and opened it up and let him out. She watched him take off towards his food and water bowl that was in the kitchen. Placing the cage on the couch, she took out her phone to check any messages she might have gotten. Three voicemails. One from Marc, one from Sam and one from Hank. With a heavy sigh she walked to her bedroom and tossed her phone on the bedside table.

Taking off her shoes, she tossed them over towards the closet before taking off her pants and shirt and tossing them towards her hamper. Knowing she missed the hamper she walked over and tossed the dirty clothes into the hamper before going over to her dresser. Pulling out a pair of running shorts, she adjusted them before grabbing a tank top out of the top drawer. Peeling her socks off, she walked over to the hamper and tossed them into the hamper before walking towards the kitchen.

Grabbing the scoop she poured more cat food into Checkers bowl before filling the water bowl up. Then she opened the fridge and taking out the half bottle of red wine. Moving towards the cabinet she took out a wine class and started filling it up. Placing the bottle back into the fridge, she took the glass back to her room and drank the wine rather quickly before she let the tears really fall from her eyes. She felt Checker jump onto the bed and she turned and the kitten snuggled into her. The tears fell freely. She wanted Hank so badly, but she knew she would never be able to have him and that hurt. She didn't think that he could be like that to her. Her eyes stung from all the tears she had shed since leaving the hotel the night before. She should have known something was up when he didn't meet up with her after the game.

The wine helped to numb the pain, but when she woke up and realized he wasn't in bed beside her and wouldn't be, the pain would come back and so would the tears. The memories of the fight would replay over and over in her head. Would she ever be able to get over the fact that she trusted him not to break her heart, but he did anyways? Maybe it was the way things were supposed to be. Perhaps fate was telling her that she and Hank truly could never be together. Even thinking that made the tears fall even harder than before. After this how was she supposed to believe in love? That had an easy answer, she couldn't.

“You lied to me Henrik Lundqvist and I hope it comes back at you. No one deserved what you have done to me.”