Edenham Comprehensive

Reuben trudges out of his bedroom the next morning, his empty stomach leading him to the kitchen. His mum’s already sitting at the table, sipping her tea and reading a book, when he gets there.

She looks up and smiles at him as he approaches, and gestures for him to sit down. “’Morning sleepyhead.”

“’Morning,” he mutters, stifling a yawn. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Hospital’s got me on night shifts this week,” she reminds him.

“Oh yeah,” he murmurs, shaking his head as if to clear it. “I forgot.”

“It’s like you’ve been in a daze these past few days,” she muses. “I guess holidays do that to you. You should be revising, keeping your brain busy.”

He half-smiles, half-grimaces. “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is my break, remember?”

She smiles back. “Yeah. And if you’re not going to work you should be enjoying yourself instead of moping around inside doing nothing. Why don’t you go out with your girlfriend or something?”

At the mention of Casey, Reuben tenses. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he mutters.

His mum frowns. “Sorry?”

“We only went out to make her ex jealous,” he confesses, deciding a half-truth is better than a lie. “And now I’ve ruined everything.”

She leans forward, curiosity mixed in with the motherly concern on her face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He hesitates for a second, but then the words start spilling out of his mouth and he doesn’t try and stop them. “It was never real, it was never meant to be, but sometimes... it just felt like there was something there, you know? Like maybe we weren’t meant to be just friends. But we had an argument a few days ago and we fell out. I went to see her yesterday to try and make it up with her but we ended up arguing again and I... I told her I loved her and she just looked at me. She just looked at me, Mum, like... like I don’t even know what.” He drops his head to the table and starts banging it gently. “It hurts so much because I care about her so, so much and she just... doesn’t.”

“Oh Reuben,” his mum sighs, holding his head in her firm but gentle grip. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

He raises his head, shaking it free from her fingers. “I’m already hurt. In here.” He taps his chest just above his heart, a pained look on his face.

His mum sighs again. “Reuben, you don’t love with your heart. You love with your head. Your heart’s just a pump; it can’t feel.”

He rolls his eyes at her. “This’ll be your medical side talking. Oh, you’re putting it to such good use.”

She smiles at him affectionately. “Sweetie, I don’t want to sound condescending but this girl... she’s just a girl. You’ll get over her. It might not seem like it now, but you will. All things must pass.”

“But I don’t want to get over her,” he says in a small voice. “I love her.”

Shuffling her chair over to him, she puts her arms around him like a mother should. “Oh sweetheart. This girl must be really special.”

“Yeah,” he whispers, almost too quietly for her to hear. “She is.”

His mum smiles, staring into the far-off distance. “Tell me about her.”

And so Reuben does. He tells his mum about Casey’s smile, the way it’s slightly crooked on one side, the way her clear grey eyes light up with renewed energy. He tells her how she’s sarcastic and defensive and stubborn and irritating but so, so lovely it hurts sometimes. He tells her how the world just seems that little bit kinder and that little bit brighter and that little bit better when he’s with her.

He finally finishes with a sigh, dredged up from somewhere deep inside of him. Cradling his head in his hands, he stares at the mahogany table, a small, tear-stained smile hovering on his lips despite it all.

“Well I’ll say this,” his mum says matter-of-factly, “I think you’re crazy. Stark-raving bonkers, you are.”

Reuben smiles. “I guess I am.”

“Do you know she doesn’t feel the same way about you?” she asks sharply. “Did she actually say it?”

“Well, no, but-”

“But nothing,” she says, her arms folded firmly across her chest. “If you care about this girl as much as I think you do, you won’t just let her slip through your fingers. Talk to her. I don’t care how hard it is. If she’s worth it, you won’t regret it.”

He still isn’t convinced. And he’s starting to regret telling her anything. “But-”

“Reuben, sweetie, life’s too short. Things don’t just happen, you have to make them happen. You have to fight for what you want or die trying.” She smiles. “So what are you going to do?”

He mutters something barely audible under his breath. She puts a finger to her ear, looking at him expectantly.

“Talk to Casey,” he repeats, loud enough for her to hear this time.

Nodding, his mum gets to her feet, places a kiss on his forehead and pats his shoulder. “Good boy. I’m off out. Martha wanted to meet up and do some shopping or something. Will you be all right here on your own?”

“I’m always all right,” he assures her. “Go, have fun. I’ll go and be boring and do homework or revision or something equally geeky.”

She gives him an affectionate smile. “That’s my boy. See you later, Reuben.”

With that, she leaves the kitchen, her heels clacking on the floor as she goes. He sits back in his chair, exhaling slowly, and closes his eyes. It seems to him that he sits there for a lifetime, enclosed in his own bubble, while the rest of the world passes him by.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he jumps, fumbling for it, praying under his breath as he slides up the screen, not even looking at it.

“Hello?” he says, a tad breathlessly.

“It’s me, mate. Lenny. You called me for something?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Reuben visibly droops. This is the last thing he wants to think about right now. The plan has taken a back-seat in his mind since what happened with Casey. But maybe a distraction is exactly what he needs right now. “About that. I was wondering if you could do me a favour.”

“Another favour?” Lenny sounds incredulous. “The last favour I did you put me out nearly a grand.”

“Yeah, I know, and I’m grateful, but I really need your help.” Reuben swallows hard. “I haven’t got anyone else.”

“Right.” Lenny doesn’t sound convinced. “What is it you want me to do, exactly?”

“I’m having trouble with this guy at school,” Reuben says, and starts filling him in on the Tyler situation. When he’s finished, there’s a long silence on the other end of the phone.

“That sounds pretty shit, and I feel bad for you and all,” Lenny says eventually, “but I still don’t get what you want me to do about it.”

“I don’t want you to do anything, strictly speaking. Not directly anyway. I just need to know things about him. His bank details, for instance. Where he gets his supplies from. Stuff like that, just business. I don’t- I don’t need you to hurt him.”

Lenny senses the hesitance in his voice. “Would you like me to?”

The urge to just say yes and have done with it is almost unbearable, but he can’t. It’s not part of the plan. It could sabotage everything.

Although, it would be easier to just kill him than to go to all this trouble, that treacherous voice pipes up again.

Reuben shakes his head firmly, trying to rid himself of the gratifying image of Tyler sprawled on the floor, blood pouring out of him.

“Don’t hurt him,” he says reluctantly. “I just need information. And if anyone could find it out for me, it’s you. You know every dealer in a five-hundred-mile radius, and you’ve got connections everywhere.”

Lenny seems to take an eternity to think it over, to decide. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Reuben lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Great. I knew you were the one to call. I can make it worth your while, if you want-”

“Reuben, I don’t want your money,” Lenny says, his voice soft. “And, let’s face it, you haven’t got anything I want. This is a favour. I’m doing this for- for free.” The word seems to get stuck in his throat, like he half doesn’t want to get it out. “You’re a mate. But if I ever need someone-”

“You know who to call,” Reuben finishes for him. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Lenny says easily. “You got an address for this bloke?”

“Um...” He grimaces. “Nope. I got nothing.”

“Great. You don’t like to make things easy for me, do you?” Lenny mutters. “Don’t matter, I like a challenge. Tyler Westwood, right?”

“Tyler Westwood,” Reuben repeats.

“Sounds like someone out of a gangster movie. I’ll see what I can do,” the older man promises. “I’ll give you a call in the next few days and let you know what I find.”

“Thanks, Len,” Reuben says quietly. “I’m really grateful for this.”

He hangs up, placing the phone on the table, and returns his gaze to the table. A deep breath heaves up from his lungs and he’s grabbing his phone, calling up Casey’s number before he really knows what he’s doing.

It rings once, twice, three times, and then it pauses for what seems like forever-

Sorry, but the person you have called is unavailable.

He doesn’t even have the energy to hurl the phone at the wall like he wants to. Instead he just puts it calmly back in his pocket and takes a few deep breaths. His head ducks under his hands and rests on the table, and he closes his eyes to the world.

***

Casey jumps as her phone rings on her bed beside her, but doesn’t make any move to answer it. She knows who it is without even looking at the screen. Reuben hasn’t stopped calling her since- since it happened.

She doesn’t like to think about it. It hurts too much, knowing how Reuben feels about her and being too confused to have a clue what she feels for him.

She covers her ears with her hands as the phone only gets louder and more insistent. But then, at long last, it stops, only to be replaced with the suffocating silence. She’s not sure which is worse.

The silence is almost accusatory. It kinda sounds like Reuben when he’s brooding. It’s disappointed in her. It’s angry with her. It hates her.

And if it hates her, then so must Reuben.

Burying her head in her pillow, she rocks slowly, playing back the events of the other day whilst trying her hardest not to. She sees him walking in, demanding they talk about the stupid, stupid argument they’d had, trying to make her see sense when all she could see was him and Georgia holding each other like they needed no one else. It had been her pain more than her anger that had made her lash out at him and want to hurt him like he’d hurt her.

She never expected him to tell her he’s in love with her. That’s the last thing she ever imagined. How could someone like him even think of her that way? He’s everything she isn’t, everything she wishes she was: strong, brave, kind... Why would he want her? For that matter, why would anyone want her?

There’s a knock at the door, forcing her to stop wallowing in her own self-pity. She scrambles to her feet, swiping at her tear-streaked face, before it opens and Ian walks in.

“Hey,” he says softly, smiling at her. “Can I come in?”

“You kind of already have,” Casey mutters, but she isn’t angry. In all honesty, she’d quite like some company right now. Even if that company is her mother’s boyfriend, the one she’s supposed to hate.

He smiles at her, perching on the end of her bed. “Your mum just went out to get something from the shops,” he informs her, answering her unasked question. “I thought we could talk. It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he says hastily, as if pre-empting her refusal. “I just thought it would be... nice.”

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I’d like that.”

Ian’s clearly surprised by her response, but his wide grin shows he’s not dwelling on that fact. “Great,” he says enthusiastically. “So what do you want to talk about? What do girls normally talk about? Clothes? Make-up?”

“I figure clothes and make-up aren’t really on your list of favourite conversational topics,” Casey says dryly, “but they’re not on mine either. We could talk about cars and football if you want.”

His face lights up with relief, but then he smiles sheepishly. “Hey, this isn’t for me. This is for you. I just... I know you don’t like me, and that’s probably my fault-”

“It’s not your fault,” she mutters, uncrossing her legs.

“You’re just genetically designed to hate your mum’s boyfriends, eh?” He smiles light-heartedly, and she can’t help but smile back.

“Maybe.” She looks away, at her fingers twisting themselves together in her lap to give them something to do. “How did you two meet?”

He seems surprised at first, but then he nods. “It was a few months ago now,” he recalls. “At the bar she works at, Riley’s. I’d never been there before, but I’d heard it wasn’t too bad. Anyway, it was my turn to get the drinks so I went up to the bar and there she was.” His eyes take on a faraway look, like he’s back there in that very moment. “I tell you, she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I kept coming back just to look her and try to talk to her, but it took me ages before I got up the courage to ask her out. Turned out, she saw me looking at her and wondered if I ever would. She said yes, and that first date turned into two dates, which turned into three dates, which turned into a proper relationship. And now, here we are.”

Casey smiles involuntarily. “That is just about the cheesiest thing I have ever heard.”

“Cheesy it may be,” he chuckles, “but it’s all true.”

“Sounds like something out of a fairytale,” she says softly. “Stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life.”

“It does,” he replies matter-of-factly. “Just not very often. And that’s why when it does happen, you can’t just let it go. Not for anything.”

Guilt stabs at her stomach and she glances away. She’d noticed her mum was happier these past few months. She’d noticed she’d been crying less. And what did she do? She gave her hell for it. She made her feel bad about dating someone when that someone was everything she wanted, everything she deserved. Casey couldn’t feel worse right now.

“Casey?” Ian sounds concerned. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she lies, smiling brightly. “Look, Ian... I’m- I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you and Mum.”

“It’s fine,” he assures her. “You were just worried about your mum, worried she would get hurt.”

“But that’s not it,” she mutters, too ashamed to look him in the eye. “I was jealous. I was jealous that my mum was happy and I wasn’t. What does that make me?”

“Human,” is his only reply. And somehow, she knows he isn’t just saying this stuff to make her feel better. He genuinely means it. And that just makes the guilty feeling in her gut grow astronomically.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, swallowing hard.

“You said that already.”

“It seemed important enough to warrant repeating,” she replies. “You know, there’s still a few days left of the holiday. We could- we could do something together. If you and Mum haven’t got anything planned.”

Ian’s grin threatens to split his face. “That would be great. No, that would be better than great. Your mum’s going to be thrilled.”

She smiles. “Good.”

He gets up off her bed, still smiling at her. “I’ll leave you be now. Figure you like your privacy. Bye Casey.”

“Bye,” she replies. “Oh, and Ian?”

He stops halfway to the door and turns, an eyebrow raised in question.

“If you hurt her,” she says seriously, “I will kill you. Painfully.”

He smiles. “I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

She watches him leave, shutting the door gently behind him, still playing with her fingers. An involuntary smile crosses her face and she leans back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.