'Cause I'd Rather Just Be Alone if I Know that I Can't Have You
1/1
She stood five foot two, cranberry lipstick blended perfectly with her naturally puffed lips. Foundation slightly there, taking the hint of redness from her nose and cheek. Her dark hair –a similar shade to mine now- adorning her pale skin.. She was perfect.
Her hair was perfectly straightened; I can tell that it's not left on its nature status. See, when you've been living with someone for years, and day after day you wake up to them then fall asleep to their face, you don’t miss such things.
'Mouth Shut' started blasting from the speakers. I gulped. That song always gave me heartache. To think that it's that song that should've opened my brother's eyes, but instead it got to me. The girls always knew how to toy with our feelings even if they didn’t intend it.
I didn’t know for how long would she still dance, drink and chat until she sees me. I wondered for a second what her reaction would be. Not long after, I found myself heading out of the club and decided to pay Kevin a little visit.
I got in my car and quickly rushed to get to the apartment he had picked with Lauren a year and a few months. Little did she know that he wouldn’t be using it on his own. My older brother, same old bubbly Kevin that we all love and go to whenever we needed advice, wasn’t the same anymore. He doesn’t have dinner with us, hardly comes to the Jonas household, most of all, as he puts it, he'd now rather chill at home than go out. Not even to Starbucks… All that ever since he proposed to Danielle.
At first, we thought that he'd want to stay with his new fiancé, seeing as Nick and Jordan were inseparable. But that was before we learned that Danielle has been going out every night. It's not unbelievable to me, seeing as she never left Claire's side anymore.
I arrived to Kevin's place not long later and knocked on the door twice. I heard a faint coming and had to wait a good five minutes before he did come. I entered immediately and started going on about my night. The stairwell creaked a bit and we both looked up.
"Whoa, Lauren! You didn’t tell me you were coming." I exclaimed.
"Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly know I was coming." She smiled, a smile I haven't been able to get out of her for so many, I lost count. That’s when it all hit me.
"No, no, no, no!" I screamed. My face must've shown how much I was panicking and what I had in mind because the minute I looked at Kevin, his face fell and turned sickly white. "No." I looked back down at his left hand; he didn’t have his engagement ring on, neither his purity ring. That's what had taken him long to answer the door.
I must've not noticed Lauren approaching me and when she placed her hand on my shoulder I jumped up. She knew better than to say anything. "How long?" I asked, startled.
"How long what? Dude the girl just got here from the airport!" Kevin answered.
"Look Joe, don't you trust me? We haven't done anything and we won't, I promise."
"Then how do you explain that he doesn’t have any rings on?"
"Well, we might have gotten caught in the moment a bit and he realized it's not good for his promise, even though it was nothing." She sent Kevin a look as if telling him to stop acting childish.
"And," He cut her off. "Everybody needs 'New Year's Resolutions'." He glanced at her. "You might have found out mine a little earlier than supposed."
"Danielle is supposed to know too. As much as I can't stand her much."
"Look, Joe, we know. Even Lauren wants me to tell her. I know it's bad to cheat."
I chuckled; the only reason Lauren wanted to tell her is because she wanted to see the look on her face and she wanted to see her suffer the way she did.
"Well, it's your life. Lauren, have you talked to Claire already?"
She shook her head. "Not after last time. I don’t think she cares anyways. I'm not here to bother, either; I'm here for Jordan."
Jordan and Nick were having their first baby girl. Everyone was ecstatic, even Claire who hasn’t talked to her in a while. She hasn’t talked to any of us but Kevin and Danielle, in fact. Jordan was in her eighth month now.
"She's changed, a lot." I said. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and continued. "I miss her."
"I know, Joe. We all do too." Lauren replied. "I'm going to be heading to Jordan's and Nick's now; an innocent and fragile girl like me shouldn’t stay out this late." She smirked at Kevin. I wanted to groan so badly but didn’t want to hurt them. They've gone through so much, especially Lauren…
Lauren left and I asked Kevin if I could stay with him and Danielle tonight. I couldn’t be bothered to go home. I know Frankie would be lonely.
The minute I had laid my head on the pillow, her laughter rang in my ears. Moments later, Danielle was talking to Kevin…
"Babe, why don’t you have your ring on?" she asked.
"Oh, I was in the shower. Don’t worry, I'll put it now." He replied in a flat voice.
"Oh honey, by the way, Claire's staying. I'll take her now to the guest room."
"Um, but Joe is already in the guest room."
She raised her voice. "You didn’t tell me you were having guests."
"Well neither did you!" He spat back. "And it's my apartment!"
"If that’s the case, then I'm leaving!" I heard her thump her feet on the stairwell.
"Well, that'd be like heaven! And you know what? I kissed Lauren, more than kissed actually! I'm a cheater!"
When I arrived in the room they were in, Claire and Kevin now, I saw that Claire's jaw was hanging and she seemed so out of it that she didn’t even notice me coming. Danielle soon came down the stairs with two bags in her hands and headed directly to the door. She called out for Claire who had snapped out of it now, but she didn’t answer her.
"Claire, are you coming?" She asked again, now more demanding.
"Hold on." She turned to Kevin. "Lauren was here?" he nodded. With no hesitation, she ran through the front door and obviously past Danielle who yelled at her "where are you going? Wait up, I'm still here." She then groaned.
I went back to the room I was staying in. Claire didn’t even notice me being there. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was in a deep sleep.
I kept running after her. It isn't the first time that I've done so. She wouldn’t turn. 'Please turn around' I begged in my head. She came to a halt and I noticed where we had stopped. She had led me back to the same club that she'd go to every night.
She took my hand in hers, still not showing her face. Who was she?
She kept buying me drinks but never once talked to me.
On my eleventh drink, I decided to make her look at me. I took her head in my hands and looked straight it her eyes. I still couldn’t tell who she was.
"Have I seen you before?" I whispered huskily in her ear. She pulled away looking up at me.
"Only in your dreams." She smirked.
I woke up. It wasn’t the first time that I had such dreams, and they were all about the same person. Claire.
I decided to go get some water from downstairs when I saw Kevin talking on his phone. He had a worried expression on his face.
"Alright Nick, toughen up. We'll be right there." He shut his phone. "Good you're awake. We should go to the hospital. Claire, Lauren and Nick are already there. Mom and dad are coming." I concluded that Jordan was early.
When we arrived there we saw mom crying in a corner, Nick banging his head softly with tears streaming down his face. Lauren and Claire holding each other, also crying… they must've made up. That's good.
I went next to them. Claire spoke first "One of them might not make it." She said. She looked me up and down "And you might want to do something about this." She motioned with her eyes.
I looked down and knew what she meant. Even when I didn’t know who she was, she could do this to me. I blushed but reminded myself of what she said first. I just sat and prayed.
Seven hours later, three doctors came and asked if we were here for Jordan. They started telling us how surprised they were to see that both she and the baby girl are in a healthy state. Everyone was beaming with happiness and they rushed to the room, once they were allowed, leaving me and Claire.
She slowly approached me and wrapped her arms around me. I couldn’t help but do the same. I finally let out the long awaited tears.
"Hush, everything's going to be ok." She said whilst patting my back.
"Claire, you don’t know how much I've missed you. How much they missed you. Please come back."
"I know; we've talked about it. No more Danielle. I finally can see how much of a bad influence she is."
I hugged her one more time.
She pulled away "who's up for Forever True's second comeback?" I raised my hand.
"I just want to do this." I pressed my lips to hers. God I've missed this. <3
Her hair was perfectly straightened; I can tell that it's not left on its nature status. See, when you've been living with someone for years, and day after day you wake up to them then fall asleep to their face, you don’t miss such things.
'Mouth Shut' started blasting from the speakers. I gulped. That song always gave me heartache. To think that it's that song that should've opened my brother's eyes, but instead it got to me. The girls always knew how to toy with our feelings even if they didn’t intend it.
I didn’t know for how long would she still dance, drink and chat until she sees me. I wondered for a second what her reaction would be. Not long after, I found myself heading out of the club and decided to pay Kevin a little visit.
I got in my car and quickly rushed to get to the apartment he had picked with Lauren a year and a few months. Little did she know that he wouldn’t be using it on his own. My older brother, same old bubbly Kevin that we all love and go to whenever we needed advice, wasn’t the same anymore. He doesn’t have dinner with us, hardly comes to the Jonas household, most of all, as he puts it, he'd now rather chill at home than go out. Not even to Starbucks… All that ever since he proposed to Danielle.
At first, we thought that he'd want to stay with his new fiancé, seeing as Nick and Jordan were inseparable. But that was before we learned that Danielle has been going out every night. It's not unbelievable to me, seeing as she never left Claire's side anymore.
I arrived to Kevin's place not long later and knocked on the door twice. I heard a faint coming and had to wait a good five minutes before he did come. I entered immediately and started going on about my night. The stairwell creaked a bit and we both looked up.
"Whoa, Lauren! You didn’t tell me you were coming." I exclaimed.
"Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly know I was coming." She smiled, a smile I haven't been able to get out of her for so many, I lost count. That’s when it all hit me.
"No, no, no, no!" I screamed. My face must've shown how much I was panicking and what I had in mind because the minute I looked at Kevin, his face fell and turned sickly white. "No." I looked back down at his left hand; he didn’t have his engagement ring on, neither his purity ring. That's what had taken him long to answer the door.
I must've not noticed Lauren approaching me and when she placed her hand on my shoulder I jumped up. She knew better than to say anything. "How long?" I asked, startled.
"How long what? Dude the girl just got here from the airport!" Kevin answered.
"Look Joe, don't you trust me? We haven't done anything and we won't, I promise."
"Then how do you explain that he doesn’t have any rings on?"
"Well, we might have gotten caught in the moment a bit and he realized it's not good for his promise, even though it was nothing." She sent Kevin a look as if telling him to stop acting childish.
"And," He cut her off. "Everybody needs 'New Year's Resolutions'." He glanced at her. "You might have found out mine a little earlier than supposed."
"Danielle is supposed to know too. As much as I can't stand her much."
"Look, Joe, we know. Even Lauren wants me to tell her. I know it's bad to cheat."
I chuckled; the only reason Lauren wanted to tell her is because she wanted to see the look on her face and she wanted to see her suffer the way she did.
"Well, it's your life. Lauren, have you talked to Claire already?"
She shook her head. "Not after last time. I don’t think she cares anyways. I'm not here to bother, either; I'm here for Jordan."
Jordan and Nick were having their first baby girl. Everyone was ecstatic, even Claire who hasn’t talked to her in a while. She hasn’t talked to any of us but Kevin and Danielle, in fact. Jordan was in her eighth month now.
"She's changed, a lot." I said. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and continued. "I miss her."
"I know, Joe. We all do too." Lauren replied. "I'm going to be heading to Jordan's and Nick's now; an innocent and fragile girl like me shouldn’t stay out this late." She smirked at Kevin. I wanted to groan so badly but didn’t want to hurt them. They've gone through so much, especially Lauren…
Lauren left and I asked Kevin if I could stay with him and Danielle tonight. I couldn’t be bothered to go home. I know Frankie would be lonely.
The minute I had laid my head on the pillow, her laughter rang in my ears. Moments later, Danielle was talking to Kevin…
"Babe, why don’t you have your ring on?" she asked.
"Oh, I was in the shower. Don’t worry, I'll put it now." He replied in a flat voice.
"Oh honey, by the way, Claire's staying. I'll take her now to the guest room."
"Um, but Joe is already in the guest room."
She raised her voice. "You didn’t tell me you were having guests."
"Well neither did you!" He spat back. "And it's my apartment!"
"If that’s the case, then I'm leaving!" I heard her thump her feet on the stairwell.
"Well, that'd be like heaven! And you know what? I kissed Lauren, more than kissed actually! I'm a cheater!"
When I arrived in the room they were in, Claire and Kevin now, I saw that Claire's jaw was hanging and she seemed so out of it that she didn’t even notice me coming. Danielle soon came down the stairs with two bags in her hands and headed directly to the door. She called out for Claire who had snapped out of it now, but she didn’t answer her.
"Claire, are you coming?" She asked again, now more demanding.
"Hold on." She turned to Kevin. "Lauren was here?" he nodded. With no hesitation, she ran through the front door and obviously past Danielle who yelled at her "where are you going? Wait up, I'm still here." She then groaned.
I went back to the room I was staying in. Claire didn’t even notice me being there. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was in a deep sleep.
I kept running after her. It isn't the first time that I've done so. She wouldn’t turn. 'Please turn around' I begged in my head. She came to a halt and I noticed where we had stopped. She had led me back to the same club that she'd go to every night.
She took my hand in hers, still not showing her face. Who was she?
She kept buying me drinks but never once talked to me.
On my eleventh drink, I decided to make her look at me. I took her head in my hands and looked straight it her eyes. I still couldn’t tell who she was.
"Have I seen you before?" I whispered huskily in her ear. She pulled away looking up at me.
"Only in your dreams." She smirked.
I woke up. It wasn’t the first time that I had such dreams, and they were all about the same person. Claire.
I decided to go get some water from downstairs when I saw Kevin talking on his phone. He had a worried expression on his face.
"Alright Nick, toughen up. We'll be right there." He shut his phone. "Good you're awake. We should go to the hospital. Claire, Lauren and Nick are already there. Mom and dad are coming." I concluded that Jordan was early.
When we arrived there we saw mom crying in a corner, Nick banging his head softly with tears streaming down his face. Lauren and Claire holding each other, also crying… they must've made up. That's good.
I went next to them. Claire spoke first "One of them might not make it." She said. She looked me up and down "And you might want to do something about this." She motioned with her eyes.
I looked down and knew what she meant. Even when I didn’t know who she was, she could do this to me. I blushed but reminded myself of what she said first. I just sat and prayed.
Seven hours later, three doctors came and asked if we were here for Jordan. They started telling us how surprised they were to see that both she and the baby girl are in a healthy state. Everyone was beaming with happiness and they rushed to the room, once they were allowed, leaving me and Claire.
She slowly approached me and wrapped her arms around me. I couldn’t help but do the same. I finally let out the long awaited tears.
"Hush, everything's going to be ok." She said whilst patting my back.
"Claire, you don’t know how much I've missed you. How much they missed you. Please come back."
"I know; we've talked about it. No more Danielle. I finally can see how much of a bad influence she is."
I hugged her one more time.
She pulled away "who's up for Forever True's second comeback?" I raised my hand.
"I just want to do this." I pressed my lips to hers. God I've missed this. <3
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Hope you like it<3