So Automatisch, Du Bist Wie'ne Maschine

An entire week had passed since the whole fiasco with the answer machine, and mostly I’ve managed to re-plaster the four walled protection I had previously built. But some of the cracks were still there, and I knew that I hadn’t managed to be quite myself since the ordeal. Sometimes I would find myself just sitting, like today for example, currently I am sitting quite alone on a bench in the snow covered park in the town. I figured that the weather would be enough to keep people away, I wasn’t going to be seen or noticed sitting here alone in the winter weather.

I couldn’t think what it was that made me sit out here alone, early December, cold, snowy, counting down to a family Christmas; but I did know that it was enough for me to forget about most of it. The falling flakes were oddly serene, a few landing on the tip of my nose, briefly I would feel like a child again. I waited for the cold to hit me as I relaxed with my arms hugged tightly around my body, legs crossed trying to conserve body heat.

I stared at the ground for a time, trying to see where flakes landed, thinking about how each one is completely different, just like people. That fact that they’re all different, and the fact that we’re all different, it gave me the tiniest bit of hope that I wasn’t going to find someone else like her again. Suddenly a pair of black boots obscured my view.

‘You look lonely.’ A voice came from the owner of the boots. I looked up at her, she wasn’t very tall, she gave a natural smile holding her hand out to me. ‘I got you a coffee, it’s a latte, hope that’s okay?’ Next thing I knew she had taken up the previously vacant seat next to me after handing me the drink from her gloved hand. She took a sip from her own drink and made an appreciative noise. I studied her as she looked out across the empty playground.

Her dark mahogany hair only reached her shoulders and was hidden by an orange beanie hat. Her cheeks were pink from the cold but her lips still looked plump and fresh, obviously being taken good care of despite the harsh weather. A grey coat was pulled tight to protect her neck, it covered most of her body ending part way down her thighs which were layered in black jeans and she finished the entire look with black boots, her thick woollen grey socks peeping out of the top. Overall I’d say it was quite cute, but with enough rock chick to keep it modern. I looked back at her face and she was looking at me with interest. I took a drink and looked away.

‘I thought I was weird for wanting to come and sit out here just looking at it, but now I know someone else is as strange as me, I don’t feel so bad.’ I could hear the smile through her voice. ‘But I only do this to think. So, what are you thinking about?’ She continued to look at me in hope as she took another sip from her coffee.

‘Just how nice it looks.’ I replied.

‘No, that’s what you’re thinking now. What did you come here to think about?’ I looked her in the eyes, and realised how easily this girl was seeing through me. Like the walls were just glass to her, she could see straight in.

‘Thanks for the coffee, but I think I should leave now.’ I stood and she looked at me bringing her eyebrows together.

‘People don’t offer to talk to you much do they?’ She asked. ‘People usually avoid the lonely looking ones. And I think that you’ve gotten used to being on your own too much.’

‘I’m sorry but, you don’t even know me.’ I said sounding unconvinced.

‘No, but I’ve seen you sitting here by yourself for the past few days, I think that really you want someone to talk to, and that’s why you come and sit out here instead of staying inside. I’m sorry about what it is that’s made you this way; someone must have really hurt you.’ She looked away taking another drink. I shuffled my feet and scanned the area, from what I could see there was no one around, so I sat again.

‘Someone did, but I was hoping that it wouldn’t bother me anymore.’

‘Well, you don’t deserve whatever she did to you.’

‘You don’t know that.’ I refrained from eye contact and instead inspected her hands, carefully painted deep purple nails at the ends of defined long thin fingers wrapped around her steaming coffee.

‘I know that no one should be made to feel the way you do right now. Unless you know, you killed someone or something, which I doubt.’ She laughed lightly, I supposed it sounded quite sweet and was a change from the cold surroundings. I looked up at her as she smiled at me, I managed to smile back weakly. ‘So, do you live around here? I haven’t seen you around.’

‘Yeah but I travel lot so, I don’t stay here for very long.’

‘I’m jealous, I’ve always wanted to travel. I really love it you know? I like seeing new places, meeting new people, plus it’d be really fun with friends. Don’t tell me you travel alone?’

‘No I have a brother and a couple of other friends, we tour a lot.’

‘That’s cool. I don’t have any brothers or sisters.’

‘It’s fun I guess, he’s there for me.’ I smiled to myself realising exactly what I was saying. He really was there for me, whenever I needed him to be, I’ve been completely dependent on him for the past two years and I didn’t even realise it. She looked at her watch and jumped up out of her seat.

‘I need to go, but you should try talking to that brother of yours, seems to me he could help. It was nice talking to you.’ She waved at me and started walking away and I watched her, she spun around briefly to shout. ‘My name’s Serena by the way!’ Then she was gone.

I sat for a while longer finishing off the Latte she’d bought for me, it wasn’t long before I noticed I’d been sat smiling to myself for the past five minutes since she left. I looked around, but no one was there to see. The cold finally took an affect as I started to lose sensitivity in the tips of my fingers by which time I decided it was probably a good idea to head back home, I could see dark clouds in the distance signalling a storm on the way. I began making my way to the gate, head down to keep the snow out of my eyes and noticed something in the snow. It was a silver chain necklace with a pendant hanging from it, it was delicate and upon closer inspection it was a key, I’d seen it hanging from Serena’s neck. I picked it up and took it with me, slipping it into my pocket.