Breathe

"Sarah."

The voice sent shivers down my spine. I recognized it immediately, and was reluctant to turn and face him, but there was some other force that pulled me towards him. I studied his face. He had lost weight, which made him look even older than he already did. His dark, curly hair had grown out, reaching his ears. I wanted to touch him, to see if he was real. He read my mind.

He gently rubbed his thumb across my cheek, without even the slightest flinch from me. "How are you?"

"What are you doing here, Peter?"

"I heard you were back in town. This seemed like the perfect opportunity. I mean, it's a party. Of course you'd be here." He smiled. My knees buckled.

"The perfect opportunity for what?"

He sighed, and licked his lips. "To say I'm sorry."

I scoffed, and turned to walk away. He caught my arm. "You can't," I said. "I hate you for what you did to me, Peter."

"I know. I know, and I know that it's not going to take just a simple apology." He wrapped his arm around my waist. "I want to talk to you."

I sighed, my back tense. It felt wrong.

"You know, I'm not here permanently," I said, letting myself go limp. "Just until things are better."

His hands traced my skin, all the way to my fingers. Peter knew every inch of me. He took my hand, and kissed my fingertips. I shivered, and tried to pull away. This felt wrong.

"Sarah," he whispered, pushing me against the wall. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn't do anything about it. Peter, besides being ten times stronger than me, was also the first person I'd fallen in love with. I still did love him, even if it was deep down where I couldn't find it.

My skin broke into goosebumps as he kissed my jaw, and all the way to my collarbone. If it hadn't been for this stupid party that Julia had dragged me to, maybe this wouldn't have happened. I could hear the music downstairs. It made the floor vibrate. "I'm sorry, Sarah," Peter whispered. "I'm so sorry."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and let my mind take over. Pressing my lips feverishly to his, I tugged at his hair. He pushed the hem of my teeshirt up, brushing his fingers against my belly. There were doors upon doors up here, and I knew it wouldn't be long before we were searching through him, like we used to do.

Peter pushed into me, making the force of our kiss even harder. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be wanted like this. Jacob and I had never done anything remotely close to this. I hated myself for what I was doing, but I couldn't stop.

Peter fumbled with the door behind me, only breaking himself off to close and lock it. I pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it across the room. He grabbed at my jeans, pushing his fingers over the hem and reaching the baby soft skin that was hardly touched.

We lied down on the floor, lips melted together, as we tried to snake out of the rest of our clothing. It didn't take very long at all.

And I didn't care anymore.

Peter knew how to make me feel beautiful. He knew how to love me. It was all that I needed right now.

*

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Are you fucking serious?" Julia glared at me, her eyes shimmering in the sunlight. "You can't be serious."

"I am."

"Why would you do that, Sarah? Because, first of all, that's nasty. And second, he fucking hurt you, and you still go and sleep with him? This is," she ranted, "unbelievable."

I sighed, and crossed my arms. "He doesn't have to know."

"Jacob? Um, yes. If you ever plan on going back there, there is no way you'll be able to have a healthy relationship with him unless you tell him what you fucking did." Julia had not taken it the way I had hoped she would, and her reaction was making me feel, well, like shit.

Why wasn't I smarter?

"I have no excuse for it, I'll be honest. But, I needed it. For closure."

"So you go and fuck him. You don't know where that's been since he broke up with you, Sarah. He could have Syphallis, or something."

I rolled my eyes, and clenched my jaw to keep from retorting. "Just, whatever you do, don't tell Anthony. Please," I whined.

"You consider yourself damn lucky, woman, that you have me as a friend. Because right now, I'd be all over your ass if it wasn't for the fact that I love you." She looked at me seriously.

"Thank you."

"You're damn welcome."

Only a few minutes had passed before Julia was channel surfing and I was wallowing in the worst guilt I'd ever felt. Peter used me. There was no other intention for him to apologize than to get laid, and I despised him for that. I loathed myself.

"Sarah?" Julia whispered. "Do you love him?"

"Peter?"

"Jacob."

My heart skipped a beat, and I looked down at my hands. It had been the last thing that he had said to me. I love you. I won't let anything happen to you. It had nothing to do with his imprint, or with the fact that I'm supposed to be with him. That we were fate. That was Jacob speaking. I knew that only because Jacob never said anything he didn't mean. I missed him.

"Yes. Of course."

I looked at my friend.

"Then why won't you go back?"

I sighed, and bit my lip. I had been trying to find the answer for two months. He hadn't hurt me. There was absolutely nothing about him that I used as an excuse to leave. It wasn't his heritage, or his friends.

"I don't know, Julia."