Breathe

A month passed.

Then two.

When February rolled in, I had given almost everything I had to feed the fire that was Liz. She seemed determined as ever, though, and so the more I let it drag out, the more exhausted I became.

"You should really stop this thing with Liz," Jacob murmured, brushing his fingers across my shoulder. I sighed, and pushed him away so that I could sit up. "It's not healthy."

"I know this, Jake," I said. "I really don't want to talk about her right now, mmk?"

"Fine." He lied back against the wall, the dark color of his skin contrasting dramatically with the white. We had spent most of the day at his house, messing around and watching movies (well, sort of). It didn't matter what the weather was like most of the time - Jacob hardly ever wore a shirt. Not when he was home, anyway.

However, I tugged my shirt over my head and slid off of his bed. He had a small bedroom, and I couldn't imagine how he could sleep in here comfortably, considering his size. "What time is it?" I asked, picking my jeans up off the floor to find my phone.

"Eight."

I looked at him, and sighed. "What's wrong?"

Jacob shook his head, shrugging. "Nothing." I dropped my jeans on the floor, and crawled onto the bed, snuggling up against him.

"Tell me."

"I have a lot on my mind, Sarah, that's all."

Jacob wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me on top of him. I kissed him, cupping his face with my tiny hands. "You always do. Is there something I should know about?"

"Nope." Another kiss. "Just been thinking about a lot. Trust me." We stared at each other for a long time, until I got impatient and started to kiss his cheeks, his jaw, his neck. "Sarah," he said, pushing me back. I slid off of him, falling onto his mattress with a quiet squeak from the springs. "I love you."

"I know," I said, a small smile dancing across my lips. "I love you, too."

"Sam and Emily's wedding is coming up. Next week, I think."

"Yeah, I know."

Jacob looked at me, his eyes glistening. "Will you go with me?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I?"

He sat up, and rubbed his face. "I don't know. I just wanted to make sure I was going with a date." Jacob smiled, and I rolled my eyes.

"So," I said, pushing myself up into a sitting position, "how long did they wait before getting married?"

"Forever." Jacob laughed.

I hugged my knees. "Why are they doing it though? I mean, they're going to be together forever anyway."

"It's not like we can go to the government and say, hey, we promise we won't break up because we know for sure that they're our soul mate. Please give us the same benefits that married people have." Jacob looked at me. "Even if we tried, they wouldn't believe us."

"Oh." I rested my chin on my knees, and curled my toes. "Are we ever going to get married?"

Jacob stared at me, the smallest hint of a smile on his face. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

I blushed. "I - no, not really. I just want to know if it'll ever happen."

He grinned. "Only if you want to."

"Oh, Jake, don't tell me that! I never know what I want." I pouted.

"We're only eighteen, Sarah. It's not a life or death decision." Jacob laughed at me, rubbing my shoulder gently. "We've got plenty of time." He kissed the top of my head. "Come on, you need to go home."

"I respectfully refuse." I looked at him, trying my best to keep my expression serious, but that only lasted about a minute. "Do I have to?"

"You're like a five year old, Sarah." Jacob tugged me off of the bed and I reluctantly pulled the rest of my clothes on. 'Speak' was still playing on his television, one of the four or five movies that neither one of us had paid attention to.

"Yeah, so?" I responded, following him into the living room. Billy was nowhere to be seen - probably already asleep.

*

Brenda and Dad were seated side by side in the living room when I got home. "Well, shit," I said, kicking off my shoes. Dad stood up, crossing his arms. I had seriously done something wrong.

"Sit down, Sarah."

I obliged, and grabbed one of the pillows from the end of the couch. Dad reclaimed his seat and I received strange looks from both of them. "We're worried about you," Brenda finally said after what felt like an ice age of silence.

"I'm fine." I swallowed something hard.

Dad sighed. "Your mother and I have noticed strange behavioral patterns with you lately. You're different."

"Is being happy a crime?" I asked, starting to get a little irritated.

"No one said it was," Brenda piped. She folded her hands in her lap.

"Then why are you making a big deal out of it?" I asked, my voice raising. "I thought you wanted me to be happy."

"Sarah, listen," Dad said. "We're worried, that's all. We're afraid that something could happen."

I groaned, throwing my head back. "Nothing is going to happen."

"You don't know that for sure. You say that now, but when you get hurt again, I want to know that we're all prepared for it."

"This is unbelievable," I said, standing. "You're worried about my getting hurt so that you know how to deal with it when it happens? God forbid you worry about my feelings first."

Brenda followed me into my bedroom. "I know it sounds that way, sweetie, but you have to realize that we care about you."

"Jacob isn't going to hurt me. You don't understand our relationship, and you won't ever. Leave me alone." I held the door open for her, but she refused to move.

"Sarah, it doesn't do you any good to be so defiant. Let's talk about this, alright?"

"Let's not."

"Sarah."

"No."

"I don't understand why this -"

"If Liz had anything to do with this, I am going to kill her."

"She's only concerned about you."

"Fuck!" Why wouldn't she understand? "No, Brenda! She wants to sabotage my relationship with Jacob because she's jealous!"

"That's an awfully loose statement, Sarah."

"I spoke to her about it myself. Go talk to her."

Brenda sighed in defeat, and left the room, turning around the corner to go back downstairs. I hated it here, and wanted to get out as much as possible. But where else was I supposed to go?