Breathe

When I first moved to Port Angeles, Washington, I had already decided that I was going to hate it. I hadn't given it much thought as to what it was going to be like - just assumed that I would hate everyone and everything. But right off the bat, I was thrown into a strange world that I hadn't even known existed: werewolves and vampires. It's a strange thing to grasp, but anything is possible, isn't it?

Port Angeles was much different than Portland, Oregon; different people, different culture.

And when I first moved to Port Angeles, I didn't want to have anything to do with boys. Peter had broken my heart beyond repair, and I had given up all hope on trying to fix it. I loved Peter, and probably somewhere deep inside of me, I still do. But then I met Jacob Black, and he kept coming back with his glue gun, and his tape, and he tried to fix me.

I just wanted to be happy, and I was. Eventually. Jacob was everything that I ever needed, whether it was a lover, or a brother, or a protector - he was it. I hadn't asked for the commitment level that hegavegives me. I hadn't asked for any of that. But I got it anyway, despite my attempt to shut myself off from the world.

"You alright?" Jacob asked, flopping an arm lazily across my belly. We lied underneath a giant tree in the center of the park just down the block from my house, the blanket underneath us wrinkled and muddied.

It had been two months, and I was still trying to convince myself that it hadn't been my fault for Liz's death. I knew it was going to take much longer than that, but I had to start somewhere, right?

"I'm fine," I said, taking a deep breath. "Tired."

"Why?"

"Stayed up late last night."

We were quiet for a long time. There were things that I wanted to say but didn't, knowing that if I did Jacob might get upset. I watched the leaves of the tree overhead shake with the breeze, I listened to Jacob's breathing. "It's been almost a whole year since we met, Sare. Did you know that?"

His voice gave me goosebumps. "Yes," I said. "Our one year anniversary? How corny."

Jacob laughed, and leaned down to kiss me. I pushed him back, looking into his dark eyes. I adored every inch of him - all the way from his messy hair and the way that it stuck up when he woke in the morning to the tips of his toes. The way his crooked smile made me shiver. I wouldn't give him for the whole world.

"What?" He asked, smiling.

It was moments like this that I lived for. A year ago, I was a different person. I was anti-social, and unpleasant. I wasn't happy. Peter had screwed me up bad and I would never, ever forgive him for it. I suffocated on my suffering. It had become too much.

When I moved here, I had no idea what to expect.

"You sound offended," I said, sitting up. "I think you're incredibly hot, that's all."

"Oh really?" Jacob grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I let my head fall onto his shoulder. "Yes, and I wonder why someone as handsome and wonderful as you would want to waste their time on me, but we both know the answer to that one."

He sighed. "Just because I imprinted on you, that doesn't obligate us to be together. You could've completely rejected me, you know."

I looked at him, smiling. "Well I'm glad I didn't then."

"Me too."

We sat like that for a long time, listening to the leaves rustle, the children running around the park screaming at one another, and the parents' frantic cries for them to stay close. It was relaxing.

Jacob played with my hair, twirling his fingers throughout. "So, um, we talked about this a long time ago, but I've been wanting to ask you for a while now." I didn't give him a response, so he continued. "This doesn't mean that it has to be immediately. I just want to know."

I sighed, and poked his stomach gently. "Get on with it."

He dug through his pocket, and when he had retrieved it, he closed his hand around it. "I mean technically," Jacob said, stuttering, "it could happen right now. But -"

"Just say it, Jake. I hate it when you stall."

He held up a ring, a single diamond perched upon the silver band. "Will you marry me, Sarah?" I pressed my lips together, and looked at him. He stared right back, his eyes glistening. "I know you said that it seems kind of pointless because... yeah, but I love you so much and can only imagine what it will be like in twenty years."

"Jake," I said. My throat was starting to close. "Why are you asking me this now?"

He shrugged, and I watched as he bit down on his lip. "I guess I want to get it over with?"

I sighed, and turned my eyes back over to the ring he held between his thumb and index finger. Taking it from him gently, I twirled it around my fingers as I contemplated my decision. I had no idea what I wanted.

Jacob waited rather patiently while I thought about my decision. I gave him the ring, and kissed him. "Ask me again in six months." His face fell. "I'm not saying no, Jake. I just don't want to answer you right now."

I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was inevitable that we were going to. I loved him with everything I could, and sure I made mistakes in the past, but I'm human. Leaving Jacob was the worst thing that could've happened to either one of us, and I would never forgive myself.

And if there was anything that I learned after I moved here, it was how to breathe.