Studying the Dead

I sat on my bed; the funeral had been an hour earlier. I could hardly believe there’d been a funeral. Part of me was waiting to wake up and realize it was all just a horrible nightmare. I knew it wasn’t though; this was real. His bed was still unmade, just as he’d left it that day. By the end of the week I expected it to be completely empty and unmade or filled with another student.

Sighing, my eyes traveled to the laptop on my desk, my screensaver, a slideshow, showed a momentary picture of some party we’d been to a year ago. I quickly stood up and shut it. Running a hand through my neatly combed hair, I looked around the room. Too much stuff, but I didn’t want to get rid of it. Closing my eyes, I could hear the preacher in my head.

”We’re gathered here today to honor the memory of Trent Clyburn, a good son and a loyal friend. He was a boy all loved and cherished.” I shook my head as I opened my eyes. The man hadn’t even known him, he’d simply been spouting off what he thought people would want to hear.

Sighing I sat back down on my bed and placed my head in my hands. They’d given me the chance to say something, I’d declined. The Clyburns said they understood, I’m not sure they did.

How was I supposed to say something when I’d yet to cry a single tear? It had been four days since his death and I haven’t cried, at all. He was my best friend, my roommate and I couldn’t even fucking mourn. How fucked up is that?

I looked up as someone knocked on my door.

“Open.” I mumbled, not sure if they’d hear or not. They did.

“Hey.” It was Jacqueline. I nodded.

“Hey.” She looked around the room for a moment before stepping in and sitting next to me. I watched her, but otherwise stayed silent. She looked over to the bed. It really was a mess. A pair of jeans sat at the end along with a couple shirts. I’d seen them on him about a dozen times.

“When are they getting here?” I looked over to her, momentarily confused before it clicked. His parents. They’d be coming to gather his stuff, to change it all. By the end of the night the other side of the room would be empty, no more mess, no more books, no little reminder saying it was his side of the room, nothing.

“Soon.” She nodded before taking my hand. Swallowing, I closed my eyes. When I did cry, I didn’t want it to be in front of her. After a moment I pulled away and stood.

“I should, um, probably get things ready for them…” She looked up and nodded before standing.

“I’ll see you later, Cole.” I felt as she kissed my cheek and then watched as she left before looking around the room. I didn’t want to do this.