Studying the Dead

The funeral had been all wrong. Being in black was all wrong. Trent was the kind of guy that made you happy, he was able to fill up any hole or heal any wound just with a joke or smile. I honestly felt like wearing yellow when I was getting dressed for the service, but I figured that it’d seem rude.

I was walking across campus towards my dorm, the air crisp and cold. It ran over my body, biting and clinging onto the pieces of bare skin. Unwanted freezing kisses were placed upon my uncovered legs, and I shivered, tingles racing up my spine. My thoughts traveled towards Jennifer and Cole and Trent, thinking about all of them separately, yet at the same time. My mind was so jumbled, every thought flew by in my head at a speed so quick, I wasn’t paying attention to anything around me. I saw a boy drop his books, but then I had to think about it twice to figure out if it had actually happened.

Deciding to check on Cole, I changed directions, the wind now blowing straight at me. Once I came upon his room, I knocked and waited for a response.

“Open,” his voice was so quiet; I had to strain my ears to hear it. I sympathized, knowing I’d lost a good friend, but he’d practically lost a brother.

“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me.

“Hey,” he replied. Looking around the room, I noticed it was a dump. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat when I saw some of Trent’s clothes sprinkled about as well. I sat down next to Cole on the bed, trying to ignore our surroundings.

“When are they getting here?” I asked, and I wondered if Trent’s parents would let me keep something. I shoved the thought away as quickly as it came, knowing I was being stupid. It was their son; they should be able to keep everything.

“Soon,” he said, and I nodded in reply. Grabbing his hand, I watched as he tried not to cry. It wouldn’t matter to me if he cried, that’s why I was here. To be a good friend, to comfort him if he needed it, even though this was also for my benefit. I’m a selfish person, and I know it. I was here to console him, but I needed someone to grieve with me as well. He got up, taking his hand away in the process.

“I should, um, probably get things ready for them…” I nodded again, standing up and running a hand through my hair.

“I’ll see you later, Cole.” I kissed his cheek swiftly and opened the door; all of it seemed to be in one movement. While I left, I let my thoughts wander again. I wonder how that girl Catherine, no, Caitlin is doing. Trent used to talk about her whenever the subject of work came up. He used to tell me funny stories about their shifts together, apparently, she was a good friend. Oh, and then there was Jesse. He was most likely okay with all of this, that bastard. I could feel my face soften as I reached the warm air of my own room, and I knew it was wrong of me to say that. I wasn’t exactly sorry, but I knew I shouldn’t have even let it cross my mind.

I grabbed my phone, hitting the number ‘2’ and then send. I was going to call my sister, Missy, and let her know what was going on today. When I told her about Trent’s death, she was devastated. She had never known him, but she felt sorry for me, which I laughed at.

She said she’d come down and stay with me for a while because she was worried. I told her not to, of course, but I loved the offer anyway. My sister’s amazing.

“Hello?”

“The funeral was today.” I sat in my high, orange chair, spinning around in it slowly. I stared at nothing at all, just watching as the colors of my walls and décor blended together. I refocused my eyes when Missy sighed, “Oh, Jacqui. How was it?” I shrugged though she couldn’t see me in the privacy of my room.

“Depressing,” I said, pawing through a book lying around on my desk. My roommate, Hanna, wasn’t here, she was on vacation.

“Tell me all about it, and you better not leave anything out. I don’t care if it’s something as small as someone’s heel getting stuck in some mud, you better tell me everything.” I smiled despite myself and moved from my chair to the bed, knowing this was going to be one of the longest conversations we’ve had in a while.