Together, We'll Move On

Jack took hold of my hand as we walked towards my house, trying to get away from Alex’s house in the quickest possible way. He gave me a small smile as he gave my hand a small squeeze as we kept on walking, passing all the white picket fences and perfectly pruned rose gardens in the front yard. The emotions flooding my system were too many to comprehend and for some reason, Jack seemed to know how to calm me down. Once we were inside my house, which was empty, he led us to the kitchen and began adding water to my retro green tea kettle.

“Adds, do you want to talk about it?” he sat down across from me at my small kitchen table.

“Jack, I feel bad,” I sighed, resting my head on the cool cherry wood. “I know Alex is your best guy friend but frankly, I can’t stand him. He has this whole macho aura that scares the hell out of me because I know if I tell him anything at least remotely deep, he’ll turn it against me somehow.”

“He just wants to get to know you, Adds. You don’t have to tell him the whole life story that I know but just give him an overview like the common things you like and dislike,” he reasoned.

“I can’t Jack. I’m scared that once I start talking to him, I won’t be able to stop and that’ll lead to me telling him details of my life I don’t want other people, besides you, knowing. I mean, what if he finds out about… John?” I mumbled into the cold wood of the table. For some odd reason, it was too comfortable to move from my current spot with my head on the table.

“You don’t have to tell him about John, Adds. You don’t really have to tell him anything, but I think the best thing you can do is just let him in a little. Build a small opening in those walls surrounding your emotions and memories,” he gave my head a small pat before getting up simultaneously with the whistle of the tea kettle.

I sighed, “I suppose it’s worth a try. He seems determined to figure out what’s going on between you and me, for some reason. Alex thinks we’re together in a relationship that is something other than platonic. Then for some reason the conversation shifted to me not believing in love which he then made a big deal about. Is there something wrong with me, Jack? I don’t believe in love but there really are no extenuating circumstances for me to think so. What’s wrong with me?”

He had stayed quiet during my short soliloquy to make both of our drinks and I couldn’t help but feel apprehensive of what he was going to respond with. I smiled as he turned around and walked toward me with our mugs of tea in hand. Jack gave me a half smile as he sat down next to me and held my hand compassionately. That was one of the things I loved about him: it never ceased to surprise me how caring he could be at times despite his goofy and over-the-top nature.

“Look at me Adelaide Clarke,” he tipped my chin up, making me look into his eyes. They weren’t the same as Alex’s; I felt comfort with these eyes meanwhile Alex’s were more dangerous and mysterious. “There is absolutely nothing is wrong with you.”

“Then why can’t I believe in something that so many people look forward to their whole lives?”

“You’ve been through some things that many of those people haven’t, Adds. The point is that you can’t expect love to be set in stone on your calendar. It can happen anywhere and when you find that person, then I guess that’s when you’ll believe in it again.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked, almost like a little girl before taking a small sip of my chamomile tea, my favorite. “Jack, have you ever been in love?”

“There are times when I’d like to think that I’ve fallen in love with someone amazing but those thoughts are coupled with doubts that I’m not good enough to be in love,” he smiled and let go of my hand. “Come on, let’s go watch a movie or play some video games. It’ll help get your mind off of what happened earlier.”

“Okay,” I grinned. “Can we watch Mulan? Please? It’s my favorite movie!”

“Sure, just put the movie in and I’ll meet you in the living room. My phone was buzzing earlier and I need to call whoever was trying to get a hold of me back.”

I nodded and took my tea cup with me to the living room where I began searching for the movie. It was a matter of minutes before I could navigate myself through the plethora of movies that seemed to dominate my living room shelves. I had just about finished drinking my tea and the opening credits of the movie started when Jack walked into the room and plopped down on the couch next to me. The opening credits of the movie were my favorite part of the artistry of the movie; clouds and swirls seemed to heaven like me and made it so easy to fall into dizzy daydreams.

“So who was that on the phone?” I asked Jack, as he fiddled with a bowl of chips he managed to rummage from the pantry. It always surprised me that he managed to find food in my house that I didn’t even know about.

“Oh, it was Alex. He was wondering where we’d gone off to and I told him you needed to cool off for a bit somewhere away from him. He said he was going to come by later to drop off your bag since you left it there in his garage when we left in such a hurry,” he explained nonchalantly. “I think Alex has taking a bit of a liking towards you. Nobody’s ever seen through him in such a short amount of time as you have and the fact that you blatantly told him gave him more incentive to try to get to know you and figure you out.”

“Doesn’t mean I’ll like him back,” I scoffed, but then regretted my statement when I saw the hurt look in his eyes. “I’ll try to be nice to him for your sake because you’re my best friend.”

“That’s all I ask, Adds. He should be here by the time the movie’s over.”

“Okay,” I turned my attention back to the movie where Mulan was barely waking up, late for her meeting with the matchmaker. Oh, how I wished it as simple as it was for the young women in Mulan; being set up with who was best for us. "I just hope he didn't look in my notebook."

“Adds, if he asks, don’t blame it on yourself. What happened to John wasn’t your fault,” Jack whispered in my ear. By the time the first song of the movie started, I was already in tears.