Finger on the Trigger to My Dear Juliet

It was early Saturday morning and I groaned as I heard Ronnie taking a piss in the bathroom. I rolled over and shoved the door shut, planting my face into my pillow once again and trying to redeem at least thirty more seconds of sleep before Ronnie came barging into the bedroom, yelling and screaming at me. I felt the door fly open abruptly and hit me in the back. I immediately reached back and clutched my side.

"Ow fuck! You asshole. What the hell?"

"Don't slam the fucking door Max. You're going to wake Tony up."

"Like I give a fuck. Are you sure you didn't wake him up with your water fall of piss?"

"Fuck you."

I watched as Ronnie sat down on the edge of his bed and attempted running a hand through his ratty black hair. He gave up after catching his fingers in a few knots and looked at me curiously. He kicked my pillow across the floor and then looked at my legs.

"Why the fuck are you wearing jeans?"

"I fell asleep in my clothes last night."

"Bullshit. I watched you get out of your jeans."

"I must've went out for a smoke last night." I mumbled, "Forgot to take my jeans off."

Ronnie looked at me even more suspiciously, like he knew I was lying. Hell, I was lying. But I wasn't about to tell Ronnie where I'd been. It's not like Charlie needs to get beat by two people in her life. I turned the other way and closed my eyes, doing my best to ignore Ronnie. But I could feel his stare literally burning holes in my back.

"Quit staring at me you fucking weirdo." I snapped.

"What crawled up your ass?"

"Nothing."

"Well quit being a fucking dick."

I threw my blankets to the side and stood up, grabbing my towel from the back of the door, "I'm gonna go shower."

Once I made it into the bathroom, I felt some type of safety. I knew that Ronnie knew where I went last night. He must have heard me get up and he must have watched me from the window or something. I don't know how we're supposed to continue being friends if we can't stand being around each other for more than ten seconds. I know that he hates my guts right now. He knows that Charlie was the only person who gave a fuck about him around here. And now that he's not the only one that talks to her, he's getting pissed off. He doesn't want to share Charlie.

It makes me so mad because he doesn't give a flying fuck about her. He just wants someone to care about him, without him having to put forth any effort or anything at all. Ronnie walks around thinking he'll get whatever he wants because people feel bad for him. And that's exactly how Charlie started caring about him. I want to tell her so bad to just give up on him. But it seems like she thinks that's all she has. I don't know if she even realizes she's got me yet.

There's so much I don't know about Charlie that I want to know. I want to know what happened to her mom, I want to know her favorite color, her favorite band. I want to know everything. And I've got a feeling that I'm going to be competing with Ronnie the whole way through. When Ronnie doesn't get his way, he gets extremely jealous. And when Ronnie's jealous, he'll do absolutely anything to hurt another person.

That other person being me.

I can see where he's coming from right now, because he's having to keep his mouth shut while he watches his best friend attempt to care about his somewhat ex? Or maybe a girl he just liked a lot? It was obvious to me when I was around Ronnie and Charlie that they were a little uncomfortable around each other. I just didn't understand why Ronnie couldn't continue to care about Charlie even though she didn't want to be with him.

And I'm still wondering why the fuck Ronnie doesn't know that Charlie is abused. I mean, has this just recently started? It didn't seem like that in her journal. But how could Ronnie be friends with Charlie for so long and not realize that? Is he really that selfish? Maybe he was just so concerned about her, he decided not to care.

I mean, it's obvious that Charlie likes to shove people away. I've known her hardly for a month and I already know that. She's completely selfless and doesn't like people to care about her, which might be why Ronnie doesn't. I never necessarily thought about that until now. Maybe it just hurt Ronnie too much to care about Charlie, so he gave up. I know Ronnie more than any other person, maybe not including Charlie. But I know enough about him to know that he gives up easily.

He's never given himself a chance at anything, because no one ever tells him he does a good job on anything. And when I say no one, I mean literally no one. When he started singing, his mom just told him to fuck off. Then again, she told everyone to fuck off. But I can't imagine Ronnie being able to deal with that when he was only twelve years old. I mean, little kids are easily influenced. And every god damn chance that Tony gets, he's calling Ronnie a faggot for giving a fuck about anything that he gives a fuck about. Whether or not it's me, or Charlie, or anyone. He's a fucking faggot, that's all Tony and his tiny brain can think of. And Ronnie's dad. He's not a bad guy, he's just so god damn tired all the time from work and dealing with Tony, he can't really pay much attention to Ronnie.

Ronnie gets in trouble here and there. He smokes and on occasion he'll slam down a few shots. But he's a good kid. Therefore, his dad doesn't really have to worry about Ronnie. He spends too much time worrying himself to death about Tony.

And so I can't imagine Ronnie throwing himself out there for Charlie to trample on once again. She's obviously already done it once.

I walked back into the bedroom and dried my hair off, looking towards Ronnie who was sitting on the bed with something crumpled up in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked, pulling on a clean pair of boxers.

He looked up at me, like I should know what the fuck is in his hands. I merely shrugged and pulled a shirt over my head. Once I was fully dressed and craving a smoke, I looked at him.

"Ronnie. What is that?"

"What the fuck do you think it is Max?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you. Fuck."

"I just want to stay friends with Ronnie, because I’m afraid that if we date, then we break up, we’ll hate each other and then I’ll have no one." Ronnie paused and looked up at me, "But it's alright for the two of you to hook up? Really Max? I thought you were my best friend."

"Stop acting like a girl Ronnie."

"I'm not acting like a fucking girl. I'm so sick of losing everything to you. I swear to fuck. Every time I get a god damn girlfriend, you have to go and take her away from me!"

"Bullshit!"

"Oh yeah? How about Rachel? And Anna? Mae? And now Charlie?"

I hung my head, "You and Charlie never dated."

"Doesn't fucking matter Max. I liked her more than any girl I've ever dated."

"Then why do you treat her like shit?!" I suddenly yelled.

He thrust the paper in my face, "This is why! This is fucking why! She didn't even give me a god damn chance! At all. Just like everyone else. And you want to know what's really fucked up? She's giving you a chance. But that's not even the most fucked up part about this."

"Then what is it?"

"You're taking it."