Control Yourself

A few days after Shae received the call from Ford, she was plopped down on her living room couch, folding her exercise clothing, humming a familiar tune. She was overly pleased that Forrest had been so accepting and cool with the idea of her going to New York. It was a giant relief, knowing that he would still be waiting for her when she returned.

As she was folding a pair of black yoga pants, Shae heard the front door of her apartment open, footsteps rushing in.

“Shae, Shae, Shae!” Forrest’s voice was excited and oddly high-pitched.

“Living room,” She replied, a smile spreading across her face.

Forrest bounded into the living room, plopping down on top of her pile of laundry. Despite the wrinkles and creases he was obviously making in her clean clothes, Shae was completely distracted by his overwhelming smile.

“I have great news,” He said, taking her hands in hers. Shae giggled.

“What, babe?” She asked, blowing a few strands of hair from her eyes.

“I have a fight coming up!” Forrest beamed, giving her hands a squeeze. “A big fight! A title fight!”

Shae didn’t quite know how to respond.

“Baby, that’s great!” She gushed, forcing a smile. Deep down, she knew what this meant; intense training, and little free time to spend with her. She sighed, nodding her head.

“It’s not ‘til August, but Shawn wants me to get in the best shape possible,” Forrest told her, his eyes wide with excitement, his Adam’s apple bobbing with joy. Shae just smiled.

“I’m proud of you, Forrest,” She said softly. “You definitely deserve this.”

“You have to promise you’ll be there for it!” He gushed, squirming further into her pile of clothes. For a moment, it slipped Shae’s mind that she was due for an interview in New York – possibly a temporary, several month stay. She deflated with a sigh.

“My interview is supposed to be in August…” Shae mumbled softly. Forrest’s wide smile faltered.

“So?”

“So, what if I’m not around?” Shae said with a light smile. “I won’t make a promise I can’t keep…”

“But this is big,” Forrest persisted, giving her hands another squeeze. “This is a second shot at the title!”

Shae hesitated, but finally shrugged her shoulders.

“Forrest, I can’t really post-pone my interview,” She informed him. “I don’t make the rules – they do. Who knows? I could be around, I could not be…”

Forrest sighed.

“But, this is big…” He muttered.

“And, modeling is sort of a big deal for me, too,” She put into perspective. “What will be, will be, Forrest…”

Shae knew that wasn’t what Forrest wanted to hear, but she couldn’t change the fact that she had already spoken to the agency and agreed to fly out for an interview before she knew anything about Forrest’s important fight. She didn’t want him flying out to see her if it was that big of a deal, nor did she want to sacrifice her chance for something more by hanging around to watch the fight…

However, the saddened look in Forrest’s eyes as they darted away put Shae between a rock and a hard place. It was clear this fight meant everything to Forrest; if not everything, then quite a bit. Shae chewed on her bottom lip, releasing a long sigh.

“Forrest, c’mon…” She said softly, tilting her head under his to catch his eyes. “You said we couldn’t both expect to be around all the time…”

He nodded solemnly.

“If my interview is before, then I can fly out in time for the fight…” Shae added, hopefully. Forrest nodded, yet again, only this time with a bit of a smile. “Or, my interview could even be after…”

“Yeah,” Forrest said, lifting his head, smiling widely. “It could be.”

Shae grinned, prying her hands from Forrest’s and flinging her arms around his neck, tugging him towards her into a hug. Forrest chuckled, wrapping his arms around her slender torso, clutching her tightly. He let out a long sigh into the crook of her neck, closing his eyes, enjoying the sweet nectar aroma of her hair. Shae, too, closed her eyes, wafting in Forrest’s subtle, signature scent she had grown to find comfort in. She stroked her fingertips against his neck, sighing dreamily.

“I love you,” She mumbled against his skin.

The words seemed to slip from her mouth before she had time to think them through. Immediately, Shae’s eyes snapped open and her jaw clenched. Had she really just said that? She hesitated.

Forrest remained silent.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t or didn’t return the same, intense feelings for Shae; it was the shock of having heard her say it first – the girl who wouldn’t admit to being his friend or “liking” him for the first several months they knew each other. Forrest simply chuckled and began rubbing her lower back soothingly.

“Do you mean it?” He mumbled back against her hair.

Shae gulped.

“I guess so,” She said, fiddling with the neckline of his t-shirt. “I mean, I said it…”
Forrest sighed, smiling lightly.

“Sometimes we say things we don’t mean…” He told her.

Shae tugged out of the hug, releasing her arms from around Forrest.

“You don’t think I meant it?” She quizzed him, placing her hands on her hips. Forrest sighed, suppressing a huffed laugh.

“I didn’t say that,” He told her, placing his hands on either one of her knees. “I asked you if you meant it…”

Shae nodded.

“I think so,” She said skeptically. Forrest smiled sympathetically at her.

Love was a big deal; not something to ‘think’ you do or don’t. It wasn’t a maybe thing.

“Why don’t you sleep on it, and let me know,” Forrest said, giving her knee a pat, slipping off the pile of laundry and off the couch. Shae sighed.

“Where are you going?” She asked. Forrest shrugged.

“Maybe go grab a coffee or something,” He said casually, slipping his hands into the front pockets of his shorts.

“Am I not allowed to come with you or something?” Shae asked, hopping off the couch as well, folding her arms across her chest. Forrest chuckled.

“I thought you were doing laundry…” He said, motioning to the couch cushion stacked with flat, wrinkled laundry on account of Forrest sitting on it. Shae grunted.

“Well, you ruined it all anyways,” She retorted.

“Shae, I don’t want to fight with you,” He said, placing his hands on her shoulders, giving them a good rub before letting his hands fall back to his sides.

“It’s because I said it, isn’t it?” Shae panicked.

Forrest laughed.

“No, no, no, Shae…” He assured her. “It has nothing to do with that.”

“Well, you never said anything back!” She suddenly realized, placing her hands on her hips. Forrest rolled his eyes.

“If I told you what I had to say back, you would be more panicked than now…” He said, slowly backing out of the living room, making his way down the hall towards the front door. Shae followed after him, a scowl on her face.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Face it, Shae,” Forrest shrugged. “You weren’t ready to say it; it slipped out…”

Shae paused, taking a moment to chew on the accusation.

“I’m capable of loving, Forrest,” She retorted.

“I never said you weren’t,” He pointed out. “I just don’t think you love me…”

Forrest placed his hand on the door knob, a smug smile on his face after he planted a kiss on Shae’s cheek.

“Tell me what you would’ve said,” Shae demanded.

“What does it matter?” Forrest asked with a chuckle.

“I need to know,” She persisted.

Forrest sighed, scratching the back of his neck once or twice before bringing his eyes to meet Shae’s. He grinned, giving his shoulders a slight shrug before replying simply:

“I love you, too,”