Dear Black Goodbye

*Of course!* I said masking my excitement. Finally I would get some answers from Frankie.

*Good. That’s good. You want to know about what you saw earlier. Don’t you?* He asked softly.

*Yeah I really do,* I confessed. There was a short pause.

*I don’t really know. Cutting is a release. It relives me of stress and anxiety. Like there's one big monster inside of me and cutting gets rid of it. It helps me,* He explained. I knew he was hiding something and that wasn’t the whole truth. Still I didn’t want to make him angry or upset. So I didn’t push the subject.

*Please promise me you won’t do that anymore,* I pleaded. He sighed into the phone.

*I can promise, but it wont mean a single thing,* He said sadly. I couldn’t believe it. Of course he could stop. Or was he addicted to it? Addicted to the pain and the comfort it brought to him.

*Yes you can. Just take out your anger and depression some other way,* I said. A single tear rolled down my cheek.

*I’ll try,* He said weakly.

*Just remember that I’m always here for you,* I said.

*Yeah and I’ll always be here for you too,* He said. A few more tear drops trailed down my face. Yet there was a smile playing on my lips.

|| Fast forward a few weeks||

It had now been a few weeks since that conversation I had with Frankie. Every night since then we talked on the phone. It had become a habit. A very comforting habit. It was nice to know that he was happier. All around things were going great. Gerard and I were so much closer. There wasn’t one thing we didn’t know about eachother. We could talk about everything. It was great. It was kind of that way with Frankie and I. Even though Frankie’s just my best friend. I guess you could say all the pieces were coming back together.

As for Mikey and Mio. Well you could say it’s a happy ending. It took a few days but he asked her out. And it was really romantic too. I never knew he had that kind of side to him. they’ve been so happy ever since. To me things were getting a little too perfect. I thought we needed a bit of disorder. And maybe, just maybe, we would get that. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that we would.

I sat alone in my room. It was very late on a Friday night. Gerard and the guys had tried to coax me to go out with them. I felt like I should stay home though. Something just told me it was a good thing to do. So I cleared off a table in my room that was by the wall and sat on it cross legged. My pen was poised over my notebook. What to write next? Music was playing softly over the speakers of my stereo. My phone rang. Causing me to jump in surprise. I checked the caller ID. It was Frankie.

*Hey Frankie. Whats up?* I asked cheerfully. He had probably called for one of our nightly chats.

*Hey can we meet at the park? The one we used to go to when we were little?* He asked. There was an urgency in his voice.

*Sure, but why?* I asked. There was a hint of worry in my voice.

*I’ll tell you when we meet,* Hen said hanging up. Couldn’t anyone say a simple good bye these days? I shrugged it off and pulled on some shoes and a hoodie. Something had to be wrong. Why else would he call me talking like that? Then there was the whole park thing. None of us have been there in years. Not since we were seven or eight. When life was perfect.

I shrugged these thoughts off and looked to the clock. 12:30. It had gotten pretty late from when I last checked. I grabbed my cell phone and left the house. The streets were so silent. But what did I expect at almost one in the morning? Still It was beginning to really creep me out. I was getting that odd feeling that someone’s watching even though their not. I picked up my pace and finally reached the park. A lone figure sat on the bench like swing. It looked like Frankie had gotten here before me. I walked over to him unnoticed.

*Hey,* I said softly. He jumped a bit and I giggled.

*Hey. Sit down. I really want to talk to you,* He said. I did what he said and sat down next to him.

*What do you need to talk about?* I asked tilting my head to the side. He seemed rather jumpy and nervous.

*Just about how I feel right now. So brace yourself. It might come as a bit of a surprise,* He said rambling on.

*Spit out already Frankie,* I said jokingly.

*Well Maura, I love you. I have ever since we were little kids. Even if I didn’t show it,* He explained. Wow. Wow was all I could say. This was a little to much for me at the moment.

*Aw, Frankie,* I said softly. I was at a loss for words. Next thing I knew our faces were getting closer together. My mind was screaming no, but my body screamed yes. In a few seconds our lips touched. I broke away quickly and got off the swing.

*Frankie.. I can’t do this. You know that,* I said turning away and leaving. I left him by himself on in the park as I made my way home.