Dear Black Goodbye
Dear Black Goodbye - Twenty One
How could I love Frankie? I’m not talking about brother-like love either. I think I might actually love him. Still I have Gerard and surely I love him more. Things just weren’t possible between Frankie and I anymore. Not after I messed up like that. A few tears escaped from my eyes. I turned to Mio who was sitting down next to me.
*How did this happen?* I asked knowing damn well what the answer was.
*Well I woke up to go to the bathroom and heard Frankie’s music blasting. So I opened his door to tell him to turn it down. It was so awful. Blood was spilling everywhere. He had already passed out on the floor. I found this on the end table,* It was an envelope with my name written on the front,* Do you know what this is about?* Mio asked motioning to the letter. It was still shut so I knew she hadn’t read it. I shook my head and took the envelope from her outstretched hand. Trembling slightly I opened it.
Dearest Maura,
I can’t do this anymore either. My life is nothing but fake smiles and hidden feelings. It took me so much courage to tell you I love you. Those dreaded three words. But its true. I have loved you for the longest time. Even if I didn’t show it. Do you remember when I kissed you when we were five? It happened at that park. The one we met at. That’s why I had you meet me there. It holds so many good memories.
I’m sorry for being such a jackass to you. I didn’t want know how to deal with my emotions. And that kind of thing is hard for me. Then there was the simple fact that you hated me. But that was my fault in the first place. Wasn’t it? Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never was like that. If we always got along. Would we be together? Would it be different completely? Wow in that world you could even be a prep. Scary. Maybe any of these things could have happened. Then again you have Gerard. And I know you love him.
Speaking of him. Tell him I’m sorry. I basically made you cheat on him. I can tell he really loves you. The guy is luckier then he knows. He has The most talented and beautiful girl I have ever seen. I hope he treats you right. Since I wont be there to jump him if he doesn’t. So good luck with your life. I’ll be watching over you.
I’m sorry and I love you,
Frankie
More tears rolled down my cheeks after hearing this. My shoulders were shaking violently. Mio sat down next to me and rubbed my back in a comforting way. I handed her the letter to read. Her eyes got wider with every line read. Finally she gave it back.
*He loved you. Wow. that’s something I wouldn’t have guessed,* She said with true surprise. I nodded my head.
*Yeah I could barely believe it when he told me,* I confessed. That was all true. For a while there I thought it was a twisted joke. Now though it was just twisted.
*Do you know how he tried to kill himself?* I asked. She nodded grimly.
*Pills, vodka, and a razorblade,* She replied softly. I nodded weakly. Her mom was in the lobby filling out a form. So I sat there thinking of old memories. Of all the good times when I was little. I pulled out a few very good ones of Frankie. The kid was always the one who got in trouble. Oh come on, he couldn’t die. It just wouldn’t be right. He hated me now anyways. I just knew it. I pushed him to his suicide. It was all my fault.
Mio’s mom came back into the room. She decided it would be best if Mio just stayed at my house. And so she did. Her mom dropped us off and headed back to the hospital for the rest of the night. Mio and I went up to my room and got comfortable. Neither of us would sleep. Sot he hours would either pass in silence. Or in long conversation.
*Mio?* I asked. There was one more question I needed and answer to.
*What?* She asked.
*Do you blame me?* I asked.
*Sort of,* She answered.
*Yeah, I blame me too,*
*How did this happen?* I asked knowing damn well what the answer was.
*Well I woke up to go to the bathroom and heard Frankie’s music blasting. So I opened his door to tell him to turn it down. It was so awful. Blood was spilling everywhere. He had already passed out on the floor. I found this on the end table,* It was an envelope with my name written on the front,* Do you know what this is about?* Mio asked motioning to the letter. It was still shut so I knew she hadn’t read it. I shook my head and took the envelope from her outstretched hand. Trembling slightly I opened it.
Dearest Maura,
I can’t do this anymore either. My life is nothing but fake smiles and hidden feelings. It took me so much courage to tell you I love you. Those dreaded three words. But its true. I have loved you for the longest time. Even if I didn’t show it. Do you remember when I kissed you when we were five? It happened at that park. The one we met at. That’s why I had you meet me there. It holds so many good memories.
I’m sorry for being such a jackass to you. I didn’t want know how to deal with my emotions. And that kind of thing is hard for me. Then there was the simple fact that you hated me. But that was my fault in the first place. Wasn’t it? Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never was like that. If we always got along. Would we be together? Would it be different completely? Wow in that world you could even be a prep. Scary. Maybe any of these things could have happened. Then again you have Gerard. And I know you love him.
Speaking of him. Tell him I’m sorry. I basically made you cheat on him. I can tell he really loves you. The guy is luckier then he knows. He has The most talented and beautiful girl I have ever seen. I hope he treats you right. Since I wont be there to jump him if he doesn’t. So good luck with your life. I’ll be watching over you.
I’m sorry and I love you,
Frankie
More tears rolled down my cheeks after hearing this. My shoulders were shaking violently. Mio sat down next to me and rubbed my back in a comforting way. I handed her the letter to read. Her eyes got wider with every line read. Finally she gave it back.
*He loved you. Wow. that’s something I wouldn’t have guessed,* She said with true surprise. I nodded my head.
*Yeah I could barely believe it when he told me,* I confessed. That was all true. For a while there I thought it was a twisted joke. Now though it was just twisted.
*Do you know how he tried to kill himself?* I asked. She nodded grimly.
*Pills, vodka, and a razorblade,* She replied softly. I nodded weakly. Her mom was in the lobby filling out a form. So I sat there thinking of old memories. Of all the good times when I was little. I pulled out a few very good ones of Frankie. The kid was always the one who got in trouble. Oh come on, he couldn’t die. It just wouldn’t be right. He hated me now anyways. I just knew it. I pushed him to his suicide. It was all my fault.
Mio’s mom came back into the room. She decided it would be best if Mio just stayed at my house. And so she did. Her mom dropped us off and headed back to the hospital for the rest of the night. Mio and I went up to my room and got comfortable. Neither of us would sleep. Sot he hours would either pass in silence. Or in long conversation.
*Mio?* I asked. There was one more question I needed and answer to.
*What?* She asked.
*Do you blame me?* I asked.
*Sort of,* She answered.
*Yeah, I blame me too,*