Dear Black Goodbye
Dear Black Goodbye - Nine
Later that day I went to get Mio. I wish I knew what was going to happen before hand though. Otherwise I would have never went. Because when I walked into Mio’s house I walked into a war zone. She and Brian were in a roaring fight. I really didn’t want to get involved in this. Slowly I tried to go out the door. Mio saw me first though.
*Maura hold on. I’ll be right there,* She said before rushing back into the kitchen. I sat down. Escape was impossible. The fight raged on. I shuddered involuntarily. This reminded me way to much of my parents. The parents who never paid attention to me. And my father. Oh how I hated those memories.
FLASH BACK
I was sitting on my bed up in my room. Thirteen years old. Being rejected both at school and at home. Ignored and mentally beaten down. My parents were to busy fighting or drinking to pay attention. So I learned to cook and clean by myself. I took care of the house. My mom wasn’t exactly there. I learned that by age nine. It was my dad who told me this. It was late on nght after they had been fighting. I was still wide awake.
*Honey, I’m really sorry we’re not here for you. Its just your mothers not mother material. She doesn’t know how to take care of you. And I don’t know how long I’ll be around,* He explained tucking me in. He kissed my forehead and left. I cried myself to sleep that night. Suddenly the CD ended. Back up in my room two years ago. I noticed tears staining my cheeks. I brushed them away. In my mind it wasn’t okay for a thirteen year old to cry. The fight raged on downstairs. I could hear my parents loud and clear.
*You know what? Fuck you! Go back to your fucking boyfriend!* My dad shouted.
*Up yours!* My mom yelled back to him. I knew already that my mom was cheating on my dad. Cheating on him with some guy she met online. Also I knew she was on drugs. Things were not very good with her.
*You don’t care about me and you don’t care about our daughter either! All you care about is my money and your drugs,* My dad said getting very quiet at the end. My mom had started crying. Her sniffles and sobs were loud. Something else was said but it was muffled. I heard heavy footsteps. My dads footsteps, climbing the stairs. My door opened. I sat cross-legged on my bed and stared at him. He sat down next to me.
*I’m sorry but I have to go. Your moms just to much for me to handle. Your old enough and know what’s going on with us and with her. Just remember that wherever I am I’m happy and I love you,* He said kissing my forehead and getting up. Tears filled my eyes and their were tears in his too. He left my room with a wave. A single piece of paper was left behind. That piece of paper was my last memory of him.
END FLASH BACK
That was the last time I saw my dad. After he left my house he went to the ocean and shot him self right in the head. The paper he left behind was his will. Everything was left to me. I could believe that was only two years ago. Time goes by so fast. That seems like so long ago. Mio and Brian snapped me out of my memories.
*What are you hiding from me?!* Mio yelled.
*What am I hiding?! What about you?! Heading off to parties without telling me first!* Brian yelled back.
*I’m not hiding anything! And I don’t have to tell you wherever I go! Your not my mom,* Mio said. She sounded outraged that Brian would ever even think that.
*Yeah but I’m you boyfriend. Whatever though. I’m gone. Don’t expect to see me to soon,* Brian said. He ran into the room I was in. Roughly he pushed past me and out the door. I stared at that door as it swung shut. My brain was screaming move but my body seemed paralyzed. Finally my legs let me move and I went into the kitchen.
Mio was leaning against the refrigerator staring at the ceiling. I walked over and sat down next to her. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. I took my thumb and wiped one away. I hated seeing people like this. Even if I hated them I hated seeing them cry. So I waited in silence until her tears stopped. I reached over and hugged her tight.
*Thanks for staying and being here for me,* She sniffed rubbing her eyes.
*No problem. Brian’s an asshole,* I said.
*I can’t help but love him though,* She said tears coming back. Frank came into the room.
*What the hell happened?* He asked softly staring at Mio.
*Maura hold on. I’ll be right there,* She said before rushing back into the kitchen. I sat down. Escape was impossible. The fight raged on. I shuddered involuntarily. This reminded me way to much of my parents. The parents who never paid attention to me. And my father. Oh how I hated those memories.
FLASH BACK
I was sitting on my bed up in my room. Thirteen years old. Being rejected both at school and at home. Ignored and mentally beaten down. My parents were to busy fighting or drinking to pay attention. So I learned to cook and clean by myself. I took care of the house. My mom wasn’t exactly there. I learned that by age nine. It was my dad who told me this. It was late on nght after they had been fighting. I was still wide awake.
*Honey, I’m really sorry we’re not here for you. Its just your mothers not mother material. She doesn’t know how to take care of you. And I don’t know how long I’ll be around,* He explained tucking me in. He kissed my forehead and left. I cried myself to sleep that night. Suddenly the CD ended. Back up in my room two years ago. I noticed tears staining my cheeks. I brushed them away. In my mind it wasn’t okay for a thirteen year old to cry. The fight raged on downstairs. I could hear my parents loud and clear.
*You know what? Fuck you! Go back to your fucking boyfriend!* My dad shouted.
*Up yours!* My mom yelled back to him. I knew already that my mom was cheating on my dad. Cheating on him with some guy she met online. Also I knew she was on drugs. Things were not very good with her.
*You don’t care about me and you don’t care about our daughter either! All you care about is my money and your drugs,* My dad said getting very quiet at the end. My mom had started crying. Her sniffles and sobs were loud. Something else was said but it was muffled. I heard heavy footsteps. My dads footsteps, climbing the stairs. My door opened. I sat cross-legged on my bed and stared at him. He sat down next to me.
*I’m sorry but I have to go. Your moms just to much for me to handle. Your old enough and know what’s going on with us and with her. Just remember that wherever I am I’m happy and I love you,* He said kissing my forehead and getting up. Tears filled my eyes and their were tears in his too. He left my room with a wave. A single piece of paper was left behind. That piece of paper was my last memory of him.
END FLASH BACK
That was the last time I saw my dad. After he left my house he went to the ocean and shot him self right in the head. The paper he left behind was his will. Everything was left to me. I could believe that was only two years ago. Time goes by so fast. That seems like so long ago. Mio and Brian snapped me out of my memories.
*What are you hiding from me?!* Mio yelled.
*What am I hiding?! What about you?! Heading off to parties without telling me first!* Brian yelled back.
*I’m not hiding anything! And I don’t have to tell you wherever I go! Your not my mom,* Mio said. She sounded outraged that Brian would ever even think that.
*Yeah but I’m you boyfriend. Whatever though. I’m gone. Don’t expect to see me to soon,* Brian said. He ran into the room I was in. Roughly he pushed past me and out the door. I stared at that door as it swung shut. My brain was screaming move but my body seemed paralyzed. Finally my legs let me move and I went into the kitchen.
Mio was leaning against the refrigerator staring at the ceiling. I walked over and sat down next to her. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. I took my thumb and wiped one away. I hated seeing people like this. Even if I hated them I hated seeing them cry. So I waited in silence until her tears stopped. I reached over and hugged her tight.
*Thanks for staying and being here for me,* She sniffed rubbing her eyes.
*No problem. Brian’s an asshole,* I said.
*I can’t help but love him though,* She said tears coming back. Frank came into the room.
*What the hell happened?* He asked softly staring at Mio.