I'll Never Say I Love You

I bit my lip nervously as my mother spoke. I couldn’t distinguish her words.

“No, they’re delicious, as always,” Alex said with a laugh. I glared at him. He saw this and became serious again. “Mandy, we can’t find the cat anywhere.”

I walked closer and put my ear to the back of the phone while Alex spoke.

“Oh no, I forgot to leave a note!” I heard Mum exclaim. “Tahara, I know you’re listening, I am so sorry!” How does she know these things? Do all mothers have ESP or something? “I completely forgot to tell you. Maxwell is with me, I’m getting him de-sexed this afternoon.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank the Lord for that,” Alex said, grinning at me. “We’ll see you when you get home, then.”

He hung up, and pulled me into a comforting hug. I hugged him back.

“You jump to all the wrong conclusions, Tahara!” he said with a laugh. “See, everything’s fine!”

I hit him in the side of the stomach without breaking the hug.

“That’s not very nice, Tarie,” Alex scolded, pulling away. “You’ve upset me, so now I have to drown my sorrows by gorging on Alexuffles.”

I went and sat down in my seat to eat my Alexuffles, savouring each and every bite.

“I have been hearing rumours today, Miss. Anderson,” Alex said mysteriously, leaning back into the futon and smiling slyly at me.

My stomach turned. Normally it wouldn’t have done that, but it was still doing backflips from my panic over the possibility of Maxwell running away. I tried to keep my cool on the outside, however, and simply raised an eyebrow.

“My sources inform me that Kyle Thompson asked you to go to the Valentines Dance with him,” Alex continued, still scrutinising me.

Kyle Thompson. It seemed to flow nicely.

Obviously, something in my response to that – maybe I smiled, I don’t know, I wasn’t paying much attention to my body – seemed to answer Alex’s question for him. “He did ask!” he exclaimed. He studied me further, and I blushed. “You said yes, right?”

I nodded.

Alex punched the air. “Tahara finally has a date!” he yelled. “Unfortunately for me, that ruins my running thesis of you being one of those single middle-aged ladies with thirty-four cats.”

I scowled at him. ‘It’s just a dance,’ I signed. ‘Nothing to go punching air and screaming about. Besides, I thought you didn’t want me to date him,’ I reminded him.

Alex looked down. “Yeah, well, I kinda don’t, I guess. But it’s good to see you finally dating, going out with people.” He fidgeted. “I guess I’ve always wanted you to be romantic with someone, but was worried you’d never find anyone to accept you for who you are.”

My heart skipped a beat. I loved it when he got all sweet and meaningful like this.

He looked up at me, and smiled. “Gosh, your parents are going to be so proud!”

I groaned, putting my face in my hands. My parents – okay, mainly Mum – had been pressuring me to start dating since I started middle school. She had always been worried that my refusal to talk would cause me to lead an abnormal life, and had tried to box me into normality. Being satisfied with myself as I was, I had always refused. Mum had always looked just a little bit disappointed when I went to the school dances alone. Once she got wind of the fact that I was going to the dance with a – dare I say it – date, she would hit the roof with excitement more than the girls and Alex combined.

“It’s not all bad, Tahara,” Alex said soothingly, popping an Alexuffle into his mouth. “You could be telling them that he proposed.”

If I had had anything other than Alexuffles in reach, I would have thrown it at him.

By the time Mum got home an hour after the distressed phone call, most of the Alexuffles were gone, thanks in large part to Alex. This was the first thing she noticed when she walked in the door. The first thing I noticed when she walked through the door was the fact that the only thing she was carrying was her handbag. No cat cage. Even though I knew Maxwell wouldn’t be in any state to walk after being de-sexed, I still looked at her ankles hopefully, and was disappointed when I didn’t see Maxwell following her in.

“I thought there’d be more than that left,” she said, frowning.

“Sorry,” Alex said apologetically. “But those things are more addictive than Pringles, you know that!”

“Yes I do,” Mum admitted. “I guess it’s a good thing I set some aside,” she said, grinning.

I grinned as well. Mum loved playing tricks like this on Alex, and he somehow fell for them every single time.

“You guilt tripped me for shits and giggles?” Alex asked, feigning shock. “Well, I never!”

“I wouldn’t have put it in so many words, but that is the essential idea, yes.”

Alex turned to me. “Were you in on this?” he asked sharply.

I shook my head and held my hands up in innocence.

“Tahara, Maxwell is staying at the vet’s overnight to recuperate,” Mum said, sitting down in the other chair.

I nodded.

Alex gasped. “Mandy, Tahara has some interesting news for you,” he said slyly, grinning at me.

My eyes grew wide. I had been planning on telling Mum and Dad together, in private.

“Yes, Tahara?” Mum prompted.

I tried to sign but faltered. How was I going to put this?

“Out with it, Tarie. If you don’t, I will,” Alex threatened.

I groaned. ‘I have a date to the Valentines Dance,’ I signed quickly, embarrassed.

Mum ran over and hugged me tightly. “Darling, I am so proud of you!” she said excitedly. She pulled back, gripping my shoulders. “Tell me everything. Who is he? How did he ask? Is he cute? What do your girlfriends think?”

‘Mum!’ I signed. If I had been speaking, I would have groaned it.

“A mother needs to know these things,” she sniffed, and sat back in her chair.

I sighed. ‘His name is Kyle, he asked me after Home Economics, and the girls are very happy for me,’ I answered.

“But you didn’t say if he was cute or not.”

Damn. I was hoping Mum wouldn’t notice that I had tried to dodge that question. Then again, who was I trying to kid? This was my mother, the perceptive know-it-all who didn’t miss a beat. I thought carefully about my answer. Other than Alex, I had never had any interest in guys or dating, and Mum didn’t even know about Alex. It was one of the only things I had ever been successfully able to hide from her, though I had an inkling she probably knew and wasn’t broaching the subject with me to protect my privacy. How sweet of her.

“Tahara?” Mum prompted yet again.

If you put an egg on my face my blush would have fried it. Surely that spoke volumes, but Mum was still looking at me expectantly. I couldn’t get out of this.

‘Yes, he’s cute,’ I signed.

Mum let out a whoop of excitement. “Just wait until we tell your father!”

I leaned back into the chair as Alex started laughing. “This kid’s gonna come over to pick Tarie up and be greeted with a shotgun-wielding Rick!” he spit out between fits of laughter.

He was right. As quiet as Dad was, we all knew that he was fiercely protective. He hadn’t let me walk to and from school alone until I was in middle school, despite the fact that all the schools were no more than a ten minute walk away, the paths were all in open areas and filled with other students walking to and from school, and there was virtually no crime in Clindon. It’s my working hypothesis that the cops spend most of their time playing cards, but Dad still maintains that ‘You never know what creeps are out there’.

“It’ll be all right, Tahara,” Mum said soothingly. “Your father doesn’t even own a shotgun.”

I buried my face in my hands, worried about what would happen that evening. Alex and I spent the afternoon reading until Dad walked in the door, when we both immediately set our books down. We were both anxious to know what was going to happen – me in a nervous way, while Alex was excited.

“Frederick, Tahara has a date!” she said excitedly, running up and hugging him.

Dad eyed me sternly. “Tahara, is this true?” he asked.

I nodded weakly, trying to smile but failing. The topic of dating embarrassed me.

“Good lad?” Dad asked gruffly, pushing Mum away gently and walking to me.

I nodded again, more confident that time. Kyle was a gentleman, everyone could tell.

“Because if this guy does anything to hurt you, I might have to hurt him,” Dad threatened in the typical overprotective Dad way that I am sure everyone has had to deal with sometime

“I’ll help,” Alex offered excitedly.

‘I’ll make sure he’s on his best behaviour,’ I promised, while Dad towered over me. I stood straight, trying to make it a level playing field. Unfortunately, Dad still towered over me. Before either of us had a chance to say another word, I grabbed Alex by the wrist and dragged him outside so that we could go out the front and wait for Sandy to pick him up. Alex laughed at me about the scene the whole way, and I determinedly ignored him, but still sent him off with a friendly goodbye.

The next morning, I learnt the hard way that in a small town like Clindon, word spreads fast. As soon as I walked in the school gates, people were coming and asking me if it was true that I was going to the dance with Kyle. I nodded, trying to ignore them, and pushed my way through the crowds to go about my day. I got to my locker and breathed a sigh of relief that I was no longer surrounded by people. The peace and quiet only lasted a few moments, however. Once I had sorted out my books and closed my locker, I turned around to see Stellar Stella standing behind me. She’s the kind of girl who would be on the cheerleading squad if we were in America. Blonde hair, big blue eyes, killer body, perky, always seems to have some meathead boyfriend, and seems to hate anyone who isn’t in her clique.

“So, I hear you’re planning on going to the Valentines Dance with Kyle,” she sneered, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

I nodded. I folded my arms across my chest, leaning all my weight on one leg. I wasn’t in the mood for her crap – heck, I was never in the mood for her crap.

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable with the idea,” she continued. “Now that the thrill of the chase has worn off, he’s going to realise it’s hard to have a girlfriend who doesn’t speak. Then he’ll be mine,” she said smugly.

I rolled my eyes at her.

“Is there a problem, Tahara?” Alex asked, rounding the corner. He looked at Stella with disapproval.

I told him what had happened. “What’s she saying?” Stella asked as I spoke, her gaze flickering between Alex and I.

“She’s just telling me what you said to her,” Alex answered.

‘Tell her that if she intends on waiting, she better bring one of her trashy gossip magazines to read, if she can read at all. I’m going to be fighting for him,’ I signed to Alex, grinning wickedly.

‘Are you sure?’ Alex signed back, looking hesitant.

I nodded. I wasn’t afraid of Stellar Stella. I just hated her.

“Tahara says that she’s going to be fighting for Kyle, so if you’re going to be waiting for it to end, you better bring a gossip rag to read, if you can read at all. Her words, not mine,” he added quickly when he saw Stella’s nostrils flaring.

‘It’s not that I’m scared of her, it’s that I’d prefer not to have her as an enemy,’ he signed to me, seeing my puzzlement at his seemingly fearful approach.

“You are going to regret that, mute,” she said to me in a low voice.

I mocked fear, and then rolled my eyes at her. I like rolling my eyes. It can convey so many different things. Stella stormed off.

“Wow, Tarie,” Alex said, sounding pleased. “You’ve gotten brave.”

I shrugged. I didn’t feel brave.

“You never would have stood up to Stellar Stella like that before,” he continued. “Are you sure Bec didn’t give you a personality makeover too?”

I laughed, but there was no hint of a smile on Alex’s face. ‘Well, maybe this is what liking someone does to me,’ I signed. ‘Only time can tell, I guess.’

I waved goodbye and headed towards my first class of the day. Behind me, I failed to see Alex shaking his head and heading in the opposite direction.