I'll Never Say I Love You

The next day was Friday. When I met with Alex in the afternoon, I could instantaneously tell he was upset. When he got to me I hugged his waist, and he put his arms around my shoulders.

“You’re too perceptive for your own good sometimes, Tarie,” he whispered sadly.

I hugged him tighter as a response, hating seeing him sad.

Abruptly, Alex let go. I frowned and looked at his face, then followed his gaze and saw Kyle standing there, giving us a worried look. I gave him a smile and a wave. He waved back and smiled worriedly, then walked away.

“Weird,” Alex said, shaking his head. He started walking towards our lockers.

‘What is?’ I asked, confused.

“The way he was looking at us made me feel weird,” he explained. “It made me feel like I was doing something wrong or something.”

I giggled. ‘You can be so silly sometimes,’ I signed, and then reached up and ruffled his curls affectionately.

Alex laughed, but it was hollow. “You might have a possessive one there,” he said as we reached our lockers.

He opened his locker, but I just leant against mine instead, too distracted by Alex’s sad expression when I first saw him to start packing. Alex gave me a quizzical look when he realised what I was doing. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked worriedly.

Alex sighed, running a hand through his golden curls. “Hannah already has a date to the Valentines Dance,” he admitted sadly, coming to stand beside me. “I know it’s petty to be jealous of her for being able to move on so quickly, but it’s hard for me not to be jealous when I’m so used to being the one who moves on quickly.”

I love this side of Alex. I am positive that I am the only person he gets this deep with, and it makes me feel special. It’s also made me see that guys aren’t all the emotionless monsters they make them out to be in the movies. There are some guys out there who aren’t afraid to show their emotional side.

‘I’m sure you’ll find someone,’ I signed, smiling. ‘You always find someone sooner or later. I’m sure that if I put a sign up saying that you needed a date to the Valentines Dance, girls would see it and break down your front door with eagerness to take you up on the offer. Maybe even a few guys,’ I added, waggling my eyebrows.

Alex nudged me playfully. “You’re such a loser, Tarie,” he teased. “Thanks, though,” he added seriously.

I waved a hand dismissively, as if to say ‘it was nothing’.

Alex walked back to his locker and began rummaging through the mess while I resisted the urge to rush over and tidy it. “You know, I’ve been hearing whispers in the locker room about you,” he said, turning to face me.

I gave him a surprised and confused look. ‘What kind of things, exactly?’ I asked.

Alex blushed slightly. “Apparently more members of the male population than just Kyle find you more...attractive...with your new hair,” he said shyly.

I raised an eyebrow. ‘Attractive?’ I questioned.

“My words, not theirs. Their words were far more vulgar,” he explained, closing his locker and coming to stand by me. I realised I had been so engaged in the conversation that I still hadn’t started to sort out my belongings yet. “It’s weird for me to hear them talking about you like that. Like you’re...I don’t know, a girl or something.”

I rolled my eyes, turning so that my side was leaning against the locker so that I could face Alex. ‘Believe it or not, I am a girl, Alex,’ I signed. ‘Have been for the past fifteen and a half years.’ I thought back to what Dad had said when he had first seen my new style, about looking like a girl.

“I know that,” Alex said defensively. “It’s just that to them, you’ve always been that freak I hang around with for God-only-knows what reason. Now you’re coming into your own as a woman, they’re realising it, and it’s hard for me to accept that they’re realising that.” He shook his head.

I gave him a sympathetic glance. ‘I’m having a hard time with it too,’ I signed. ‘All the attention from people, all this having to take care of my appearance crap, it’s strange to me as well. Here’s hoping we’ll adjust in time.’

Alex grinned. “Speaking of time, if you don’t open your locker and sort your stuff out, we’re never going to get out of here.”

I nudged him playfully and went about sorting out my books.

***

Quarter strength decaf soy latte.

It was Saturday afternoon, half an hour before closing. I read the order, my disgust barely hidden. Who the hell drinks this crap anyway? I could probably use warm, dirty dish water with a splash of soy milk and they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Sighing, I went about making it.

“Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?” Cass asked from the register beside me, flashing a smile at the customer.

“I’d like a cappuccino, thank you very much,” the woman answered, then turned to a little boy of around six beside her. ‘What would you like to drink?’ she signed to him.

I watched curiously. ‘I want chocolate milk,’ he signed back.

“Do you have chocolate milk?” the woman asked Cass.

I tapped Cass on the shoulder and indicated we should swap. She looked at the little boy, shrugged, and took the soy milk out of my hands and started steaming it.

‘Would you like chocolate milk in a box, or a milkshake?’ I asked the little boy.

His face lit up with delight. ‘You know what I’m saying!’

I nodded, smiling back.

“You’re deaf?” the mother asked curiously.

I shook my head. ‘I just speak sign language,’ I answered.

The little boy jumped in front of his mother to get my attention. ‘I want a chocolate milkshake!’ he signed excitedly.

I put the order into the register. ‘That’s all?’ I asked the woman, who nodded. ‘Eight dollars, thank you.’

She gave me the money, and I handed her a table number. She took the little boy’s hand and they wandered to a table in the back corner. Cass, now finished with the idiotic coffee, popped around the other side to take it to the customer.

“Great job, Tahara,” she said, smiling at me. “I wouldn’t have had a clue what the kid was saying.”

I beamed at her, proud of myself beyond belief. I was going unbelievably well as barista, not getting an entire complaint throughout the day. Cass and I seemed to mesh perfectly together as we worked, and together we managed to stay on top of everything. It was the same the next day, though the cafe was always a lot quieter on Sundays so it was easier. At two, an hour before closing, we had a group of girls come in for coffee and cake, and so I had several orders on the go. I kept my head down and focused on my work. Cass was on register at the time, taking orders, when I heard a familiar voice placing an order.

“Yeah, I’d like a large hot chocolate to go and, uh, how much for the cutie behind the coffee machine?”

I smiled at Kyle, giving him a small wave.

“Oh, you two...know each other?” Cass asked with a sly grin.

I nodded at her. Kyle paid for his order and waited by the coffee machine. “So, you work here. That’s pretty cool,” he said, smiling.

I finished the coffee order for the group of girls and plated them as he spoke. ‘I like it,’ I signed, smiling at him. I was glad that I had been able to teach him a bit of sign language throughout the week.

“Two sugars please,” he said as he saw me preparing his hot chocolate. I nodded and added them in with the cocoa. “So, how’d you land a job here?”

As I contemplated how to answer this question, Cass saved me, coming and picking up the coffee orders to carry over. “Her mum is the owner,” she told Kyle as she walked away.

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. It made me swoon.

I nodded in response to his question as I poured his drink. I fixed the lid on and passed it to him with a smile.

“So, I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.

I smiled and nodded. Kyle left with a wave, sipping at his hot chocolate.

“He’s a hottie, Tahara,” Cass commended as she walked behind the counter. “How’d you snag him?”

I shrugged, still smiling.

“She won him over with her charm and wit,” Mum said, walking out of the kitchen with a stack of clean plates and cups.

I rolled my eyes at her. ‘My charm and wit are about as useful as a solar-powered torch,’ I replied.

“What did she say?” Cass asked, turning her head towards Mum.

“Lies, all lies!” Mum said dramatically, and then grinned. “Cass, start wrapping cakes.

Tahara, I’ll need you to start doing dishes so I can pack up all my ingredients.”

I rolled my eyes at Mum and walked out to the kitchen.