I'll Never Say I Love You

I looked at myself in the mirror for what had to be the thousandth time that evening. It was Friday, and Kyle would be here any minute now to have dinner with my parents, Alex and I. My hair, which had recently been re-dyed and re-curled, was bouncing atop my shoulders. I was wearing a clingy forest green shirt with black skinny jeans in an attempt to look nice but casual at the same time.

“Tahara, get out here!” Alex called from the other side of the bathroom door.

I ran to the door and threw it open, looking in the direction of the front door. ‘Is he here?’ I asked frantically.

“Nah, just felt like messing with you,” Alex replied from the futon. “He should be here soon, though. Come and relax on the couch with me.”

I scowled at Alex, but did as he asked. Maxwell jumped into my lap. I was calm for a moment before I turned and faced him. ‘What if this all goes horribly wrong?’ I asked in a panic.

‘What could possibly go wrong?’ Alex signed, obviously because he didn’t want to worry my parents with this one. Dad was in his room getting dressed and Mum was too wrapped up in her cooking to take notice of our conversation.

‘Everyone could hate one another, the food could be bad...I don’t know, but I’m scared!’

Alex put a comforting arm around my shoulder for a brief second before retracting it to speak. ‘Everyone is here tonight with an open mind, so no one is going to hate anyone. As for the food being bad, your mum is the best chef in the city, so there is no chance in hell the food will be bad,’ he replied, still using sign language.

“Thank you, Alex,” Mum said warmly.

I blushed. I hadn’t realised she’d been watching our conversation. She waved her wooden spoon and went back to cooking.

“No problem, Mandy,” Alex replied. He smiled at me and went back to channel surfing.

“Do I look okay, Tahara?” Dad asked from his doorway.

I turned and looked at him. ‘Fine, Dad. Now hurry up, Kyle is going to be here any moment now.’

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Maxwell, a clever cat who was able to take a hint, walked over and curled up at the end of the futon when I pushed him that way. I took a deep breath and walked over to the door. Before I opened it, I turned and looked around the room. Dad had quietly moved to stand next to Mum, who was still standing in the kitchen. Alex was now standing in front of the futon, though I had a feeling he would plop back down as soon as Kyle entered the room. I took another deep breath (I was stressed, okay?) and opened the door. Kyle was wearing a short-sleeved collared black shirt with dark jeans. He held a bunch of flowers in one hand, and a bottle of what I assumed to be wine in the other.

“Hey, Tahara,” he said, leaning down and kissing my cheek. “Your parents like wine, right? Dad said it would be a good idea so he bought a bottle for me to bring,” he whispered in my ear.

I nodded.

I cannot describe for you exactly how awkward the next few minutes were. I stepped to the side so that Kyle could step through the doorway and into the unit. He smiled pleasantly at my parents and Alex.

‘Mum, Dad, Alex; this is Kyle,’ I signed quickly. I pulled my notepad out of the pocket of my jeans, on which I had pre-written all of the introductions for Kyle to read. I showed him the first page, which said Kyle, these are my parents, Rick and Mandy.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rick,” Kyle said, walking towards my parents. He handed Dad the bottle of wine. “This is for you guys; I didn’t buy it, don’t worry.” As soon as Dad had the bottle of wine in one hand, Kyle extended his free hand towards Dad. I held my breath as Dad shook his hand firmly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Kyle,” Dad said formally.

Next, Kyle moved onto Mum. “It’s nice to meet you, Mandy. Dinner smells fabulous,” he said politely, smiling.

Mum beamed. I let out the breath I had been holding in, because everyone who knew my mum knew that the way to win her over would be to compliment her cooking.

“Thank you Kyle, darling! It’s so good to finally meet you!” she exclaimed, hugging him. She made sure her wooden spoon didn’t touch the back of his shirt, and winked at me over Kyle’s shoulder.

Kyle awkwardly patted Mum’s back in return. “The pleasure’s all mine,” he said, sounding excessively uncomfortable.

Mum pulled back. “We’re having bucatini carbonara with bruschetta on the side for dinner, followed by my famous triple layer chocolate, caramel and banana cake for dessert.”

Alex, who had moved to stand beside me without me noticing, tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to jump. I refrained from hitting him as I turned to face him. ‘How much of that do you think he understood?’ he asked in sign language.

‘About as much of this as he would,’ I answered, a slight grin on my face.

‘Around half, awesome.’

Kyle cleared his throat from my other side. I blushed and turned back to him. This was the moment I had been dreading the most. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that Alex’s opinion matters more to me than my parents; they’re all equal in my eyes. The fact of the matter is, however, Kyle and Alex are going to see a lot more of one another than Kyle is of my parents. They need to get along.

I handed Kyle my notepad again, now on the next page, which read, This is my best friend, practically my brother, Alex.

“It’s great to finally be formally introduced to you, Alex,” Kyle said, although his voice sound more strained, more forced, than what it had when he was speaking to my parents.

“Same here, Kyle,” Alex said, flawlessly polite as always.

“You kids can talk amongst yourselves for a few minutes. Dinner’s going to take around another five minutes of cooking,” Mum said, bustling around the kitchen with Dad dutifully helping her.

Alex led the way to the lounge. He sat in one of the chairs while Kyle and I sat on the futon together.

“The cat is Maxwell,” Alex said helpfully.

“Hello, Maxwell,” Kyle said, reaching across me to scratch Maxwell behind the ears. “Oh, these are for you, Tahara,” Kyle said, handing me the delicately wrapped flowers.

I made a hum of delight as I took the flowers, and then put them down on the coffee table. ‘Thank you,’ I signed gratefully. I hugged Kyle briefly and then pulled away. ‘I’m going to go and put these in a vase.’

Kyle looked at me a little bit blankly. “Yeah, all I got from that was that you’re going to leave and something something,” he said with a laugh.

I blushed a deep scarlet. It was always just so easy to speak in sign language when I was at home because we rarely had people who didn’t completely understand over. Kyle was, of course, an exception to that. He only understood between a half and two-thirds of what I said.

“She’s putting the flowers in a vase,” Alex translated.

“I figured as much, I just couldn’t be sure,” Kyle replied with a laugh.

As I walked into my bedroom to grab the only vase I owned, take it out to the kitchen to fill up with water, take it back to my room and put the flowers in it, I kept an ear on what was happening in the lounge room. The evening news was on, but I highly doubted either Kyle or Alex was watching it.

“So, what sports are you into?” Alex asked casually.

“I like basketball and union, what about you?”

The rest of the conversation went on about sports. The pair talked casually, not exchanging the occasional story. In fact, that was how the rest of the evening went. Kyle and I sat on the futon together, Alex sat in one of the chairs, and my parents sat at the kitchen bench. The five of us sat around talking casually, telling stories and laughing at stupid jokes. It felt good to feel this comfortable when my parents, my best friend, and my boyfriend were all in the same room.

Just before ten, Kyle stood up. “I should probably get going now,” he announced. I stood up as well as he walked over to my parents and shook each of their hands. “It was great meeting you guys,” he said sincerely.

“Anytime, dear!” Mum said hugging him again.

Kyle then went and stood in front of Alex. “I guess I’ll be seeing you around school,” Alex said awkwardly.

“See you there,” Kyle replied, extending his hand. The pair shook hands while maintaining one another’s gaze. Neither of them were smiling, something which made my stomach start to do backflips.

Kyle and I walked out together, heading out into the cold wind of the late night. Not having a jacket on, I was very cold. Kyle put his arm around my shoulders and drew me closer to him as we walked. It didn’t make me feel warm, but it made me feel safe and protected beyond all belief. I snuggled in closer.

“So, how do you think that went?” Kyle asked happily.

‘I think it went well,’ I answered. ‘What do you think?’

“Your parents are nice,” Kyle commented as we reached the front of the complex. “Alex seemed a bit standoffish. Doesn’t he like me?”

I thought about it for a moment and pulled my notebook out of my pocket. He’s just like an overprotective big brother, I wrote.

“You think he’ll come around?” Kyle asked.

I nodded in response.

“That’s good,” Kyle replied, pulling me in towards him. “He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”

I nodded again.

“I matter as well, right?”

I nodded emphatically.

“Well, that’s good.”

Kyle reached one hand up to tangle it in my curls, the other hanging loosely around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he leant down and kissed me. I let my fingers rest in the short hair on the back of his head, loving the warmth that was radiating off him as we pressed ourselves together as a part of our kiss. Kyle was a great kisser, and I absolutely loved kissing him.

There was a honking of a car horn, and we both turned to see an old sedan near us. Stan smiled at us. “I guess I’ll see you at school Monday,” Kyle said with a laugh.

I nodded in response. Kyle kissed me quickly before he walked into the sedan and hopped in. I didn’t fantasise about our future the way I had with Alex, but that was because we just weren’t that close yet. I did, however, feel sad whenever he left. I enjoyed the time we spent together.

I walked back to the unit where Alex was there to greet me at the front door. “Flowers for the girl and wine for the parents. Tell me, exactly how many bad chick flicks did this guy watch before he came here?”

I smacked Alex’s arm while Mum chided, “Alex! The boy likes my cooking, so he can suck up to Tahara and I as much as he likes!”

I smirked at Alex and walked into the warmth of the unit, closing the door after me. Mum and Dad were watching me with careful eyes. ‘What did you guys think of him?’ I asked nervously.

Mum laughed. “Darling, the boy likes my cooking, he can come over any time he likes!” she told me.

I turned to Dad. “He seems nice,” he said eventually.

I smiled at both of them. ‘Awesome. Thanks for having him.’

“It was nothing, Tahara,” Mum said nonchalantly, while Dad nodded in agreement.

‘Alex and I are going to watch a movie now,’ I said.

Mum and Dad waved goodnight while Alex and I walked into my room together. Alex was spending the night here tonight before his first day at work at a new grocery store that was opening up downtown. He was pretty excited about it; his uniform had pride of place on the back of my door. Anyway, we walked into my bedroom and shut the door after us.

“What, my opinion doesn’t matter?” he asked, sounding miffed.

‘Of course it does. I just had the feeling you wanted to give it in private,’ I explained.

“Oh.”

‘Yes, oh. Now, what do you think of him? And please, don’t hold back.’

Alex sighed, his hand rubbing the back of his neck thoughtfully as he stared at the roof. “It’s hard to know where to begin,” he admitted. “He’s a jock, so he’s an arrogant bastard who’s uncannily talented at sports. But he seems to treat you nicely, you’re happy with him, and you being happy is always a good thing for me. Then again, he does seem a tad possessive and protective of you. You’re ditching your friends a lot to watch him play, and that PDA every afternoon is beginning to bug me. You’re becoming a more confident person because of him, but if some of his other qualities rub off on you then I am not going to be happy because I won’t know you anymore.”

I waited until I was sure he was done before responding. ‘Do you approve or not?’ I asked.

Alex bit the side of his bottom lip thoughtfully before answering me. “You could do a lot better, but you could also do a lot worse,” he answered. “I guess until you say otherwise, or he does something to really piss me off, he has my tick of approval.”

I threw my arms around Alex in a hug for a few moments and then stepped back. ‘Thanks, Alex. That means a lot to me,’ I signed honestly.

Alex smiled at me. “Anything for you, Tarie.”