I'll Never Say I Love You

It was pointless talking between classes, as it was impossible for Melissa to keep an eye on me and the crowds at the same time. Alex walked me to class, and reminded me to wait there for him once the class was finished. I nodded in response and he bid me goodbye, then gave Melissa a nod of the head. She smiled and waved. I was shocked – this was the most interaction I had seen them have at all.

True to my word, I waited for Alex to come and get me once class had finished. Melissa waited with me, complaining about the assignment we had been set. It was good that I had gotten back into her good graces so quickly – I could only hope that Kate and Janice would follow suit. Alex led the way to our lockers while Melissa left to buy some food. Alex and I got some food from our lockers and, to my surprise he led me to the table where I used to sit with the girls.

Kate was the first to see me, and narrowed her eyes ever so slightly despite the look of pity on her face. Janice, whose back was to me, turned and gasped.

“Tahara, are you all right dear?” she asked, throwing her arms around me. “I’m so sorry; I had no idea that Kyle was a junior boxer who knocked you out with one punch!”

“Just a rumour, Janice,” Alex said stiffly.

Janice sniffed as she looked at him. “Well, sorry for not having all the facts all at once, Captain Know-It-All,” she said, turning on her heel and walking back to the table. Despite myself, I smiled at the fact that at least one of my girlfriends was still treating Alex as though he was the scum of the earth.

“May we sit with you guys?” Alex asked, ignoring Janice.

Kate opened her mouth to answer, but instead closed it and simply nodded. I felt my heart swell with happiness.

‘Thank you,’ I signed.

‘You’re welcome,’ she replied, smiling slightly.

Well, that was that. If I was in with Kate, I was in with everybody.

I sat down next to Janice, and Alex sat on my other side. “Can you tell us what happened?” Janice asked softly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I looked pleadingly at Alex. “I’ll tell you all once Melissa gets here,” he replied, understanding what I was asking. “If I start before then, I think she would kill me.”

Kate and Janice both giggled, and I fought to keep a smile off my face.

By the time Melissa arrived, everything felt as though it was back to normal. Kate, Janice and I had been happily discussing how things had been going for all of us. I had already known the basics, but now I had the details. The only difference between new and old times was the fact that Alex was sitting next to me protectively, his gaze flickering over to the jocks every so often.

When Melissa returned, she demanded to know the story. Alex tore himself away from his watchful eye on the jocks to explain everything to them from his perspective, starting with what had happened after he talked to the girls yesterday morning. Alex then remembered that he hadn’t told me about the specificities of what had happened between him and my friends yet, so this was also my first opportunity to hear about the discussion Alex and my friends had had about me and Kyle in detail. Apparently, Alex had sort of invaded the table before school yesterday, and launched straight into asking the girls what they thought of him. After some rather snide comments about Alex being a jackass, they moved on to Kyle being a jackass. Amazingly, it was the first thing my girls and Alex had ever agreed upon, and the four found themselves discussing how badly he was treating me, what had really happened in Home Economics the previous day, and what had happened during lunch. It was interesting for me to hear all the different perspectives, and I also learnt the true depth of all their love for me.

After this, Alex progressed into what had happened yesterday and this morning. Along the way, I offered my own input as well, showing things from my perspective and correcting Alex when he had things wrong. By the end of the story, no one at the table seemed to hold any animosity towards me; they only had looks of sympathy and pride. They even seemed to be grateful towards Alex, if begrudgingly. He managed to get through the entire story without once mentioning my feelings for him, or his for me, even though it was all out in the open. He had simply said that he had gone to my house yesterday morning to see if I was all right, not mentioning the kiss or the conversations we had. I was both grateful and resentful for this – knowing about what had happened between Alex and I did make the story make a hell of a lot more sense, but at the same time, it was sort of private.

“So, Alex,” Melissa said once he had finished the story, not missing a beat. “Was Kyle right? Are you in love with Tahara?”

I choked on the juice I was swallowing. Janice patted my back until I was no longer spluttering, and then Alex answered the question.

“I love her like a little sister,” he answered, and I internally breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t admitted anything, nor had he denied it, and I was immensely grateful.

“Yes, you love her, but are you in love with her?” Kate prompted. From the look on her face, her interest was piqued.

I threw her a glare.

“Never mind,” she added hastily, then gave me a look that clearly said ‘We are discussing this later’.

Unfortunately, ‘later’ became ‘sooner’ as I had English with the girls straight after recess. Despite being surrounded by my three best female friends, Alex still insisted on walking me to class. After the girls assured him that they would detain me here until he came – by force if necessary – he went off to his own class.

“He’s in love with you, Tahara!” Kate gasped as we walked into class, taking our place up the back of the room. Janice and Melissa sat in front of us, turning around to join in the gossip session.

I shook my head.

“Don’t even bother trying to deny it, Tahara,” Melissa scolded in a whisper. “It is so obvious that he is in love with you! Not only that, but methinks he did more than just check up on you yesterday morning, considering he wasn’t here for the rest of the day,” she added with a wink.

I could feel a blush exploding on my face.

“And she’s in love with him too,” Janice concluded romantically.

Kate scoffed. “Please, I think we’ve all known that all along.”

Janice nodded her agreement, while Melissa added, “It has been rather obvious, hasn’t it?”

‘Really?’ I signed, defeated. This was three on one – not a fair fight by any stretch of the imagination, and I wasn’t going to waste time trying to pretend it was one. Why bother denying the truth?

“Yes, really,” Kate answered, as the four of us leaned into one another. “I’ve known it for at least a year.”

“Same,” Janice said.

“I think I knew before she even knew,” Melissa said, flipping her hair. “The question is – what are you going to do about it?”

“Rehearsals today, everybody!” Mrs. Lake called from the front of the room. “Everyone move your desks to the left of the room, anyone not acting sit on them!”

Everybody groaned, but got out of their seats and started moving the tables and chairs. Mrs. Lake walked around the room, helping people and answering questions about the play.

“I think it’s good that you two are in love,” Kate said in a low voice as Mrs. Lake approached us. We pushed our table against the wall, and then sat on it. “You two have always gotten along, everyone knows that. Besides, you both look gorgeous together. It’ll work this time Tahara.”

Grinning, I drew her into what was quite possibly the tightest, friendliest hug in history. She hugged me back, resting her head on mine as I rested my head on her shoulder. Looking around, I saw Mrs. Lake beaming at me. She gave me the thumbs up, and continued moving along.

I had a feeling everything was going to be all right.

***

When school ended that afternoon, I decided to keep myself logged into the computer I was on during IT while waiting for Alex to come and get me. The technicians normally kept the labs open until around four anyway, so that students could use it to work. Melissa had to leave as soon as the bell rang to catch her bus, but made me promise that I would not move an inch until Alex came and got me.

I continued on with the lesson’s work, which was to design a brochure for an imaginary company. The assignment wasn’t due for a few weeks, but there was nothing better for me to do while I waited. Once I had gotten as far as I could without starting something that would take me longer to complete than what I had left at school, I logged off and waited patiently. When I heard the door open, I stood up, but it wasn’t Alex there.

It was Kyle.

“Hi Tahara,” he said awkwardly, refusing to meet my eyes. He had his hand on the back of his head, and I could tell he was rubbing it in thought.

I gave a small wave.

Kyle’s head snapped up and he looked straight at me. He walked towards me decisively, and I instinctively cowered backwards towards the wall. Where was Alex?

“Tahara, I’m really sorry,” he said as he approached me. He stopped when he was a step in front of me. “I never meant for what happened yesterday to happen. I love you, Tahara, you know that.”

‘Leave me alone,’ I signed fearfully, pushing myself against the wall, not realising how vulnerable this made me.

Kyle put his hands on the wall either side of me, effectively preventing any means of escape. “Listen to me, Tahara,” he said pleadingly, as I flinched at how close he was now. His lips were barely inches from my own. “I overreacted, and I know that, I’m sorry. Forgive me?”

While I was frightened out of my mind, this was also a sick kind of ego-boost. Goddamn my ego.

“Tahara, I love you,” Kyle continued, seemingly unaware of my fear.

I shook my head.

“I do, Tahara,” he said more forcefully. “You and I are in love, Tahara, yesterday was just a misunderstanding and we can get through this.”

Where the hell are the technicians when you need them? For that matter, where the hell was Alex?

Kyle moved one of his hands off the wall, and ran a lone finger along my cheekbone. I recoiled at his touch, both internally and physically. I decided that if I was going to get out of this in one piece, I needed to do something about it. Reluctantly, I made eye contact with Kyle, distracting him while I kicked him in the crotch.