I'll Never Say I Love You

“Bec, I think Tahara enjoys breathing,” Alex said with a laugh.

The weight lifted and I looked in front of me to see Bec, a huge grin on her face and she released me from her hug. As usual, she looked absolutely flawless. She and Alex both had the same big, sapphire blue eyes, inherited from Mick. They were both around the same height, with the same fair complexion. Bec’s hair was cut pixie-style, and bleached until it was white. The tips of her hair were dyed different colours. Her fringe was literally a rainbow. It fell into her eyes, starting yellow and going through the colour spectrum until it was back to yellow. It’s bright and energetic – just like her.

“It’s awesome that you’re here Tahara. I can’t thank you enough for letting me do this,” Bec said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

‘No problem,’ I signed. Thankfully, Alex’s family normally got the gist of what I was signing.

“So, we’re going to head off right away, we’ve got a big day ahead of us if we’re going to have this done by six. Come on, Tahara!”

Bec grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the chair, dragging me towards the front door. I looked pleadingly at Alex, who got the message. “Bec, hold up, I think Tahara has something to say,” he said loudly.

Bec stopped, releasing my arm. I turned to face Alex. ‘Are you not coming?’ I asked.

“According to Bec, this is girls only,” Alex answered. “Don’t worry, I’ll see you tonight.”

I was upset, but tried not to let it show as I smiled goodbye to Alex. Waving, I followed Bec out of the house. We got into her ute and drove towards the shops, which in a small town like Clindon, were pretty much all on one street. Bec parked her ute in the underground car park of the shopping centre. I had always thought it weird that someone as glamorous as Bec drove a ute, but she loved it.

“You’re going to love what I have in store for you, Tahara,” Bec said dreamily as we walked up the escalator. “I know you’re nervous, but you have to trust that I am going to make you look glamorous. It might hurt at some points, and you’re going to have to work to maintain it, but you’re going to grab the attention of all the menfolk.”

She looked at me for approval, and I smiled weakly in response.

Our first stop was the hair salon. The workers there smiled and waved as we walked into a sealed-off section towards the back of the salon. I cringed as I saw the assortment of products, combs and machinery. Thankfully, Bec didn’t notice this.

“You’re gonna be here for a while, kid,” Bec said as she meticulously arranged her army of products. She reached into her handbag and pulled out her wallet, handing it to me. “Go grab yourself something to drink, eat and a magazine if you want something to read. There should be a fifty in there.”

I walked out of the salon and made my way to a juice bar, buying a banana and watermelon smoothie. After that, I went to the newsagent. I browsed the magazines, not really finding anything that held my interest. Most of the magazines were gossip, and I don’t really care for celebrities. Thankfully, I found a book of puzzles. I went to the counter to buy it and a few chocolate bars, and was surprised to see Kate behind the counter. She smiled widely at me.

‘Why are you here?’ I asked.

“I work here, silly,” she answered, laughing. I gave her a suffering look. “I got called in this morning. You?”

I didn’t think Kate would understand ‘makeover’ in sign language, so I reached into my handbag to pull out the notepad and pen. While I did this, Kate scanned the items I had selected to purchase, and helped herself to a sip of my smoothie. I quickly scribbled that Bec was giving me a makeover.

“So she finally got you to agree,” Kate said happily. “Any idea what she’s doing to you?”

I shook my head. Kate smiled.

“You’re gonna look great. Come see me when it’s all done.”

I paid for the items and waved goodbye, walking as slowly as I could to the salon. While I knew this couldn’t help, and would probably in fact worsen the situation, I did it anyway. Procrastination is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, putting this makeover off was not going to make it go away. I paused for a moment when I reached the entrance to the salon, sighed, and went in to meet my fate.

***

“So, what do you think?”

After what felt like days of scissors, products and electronics, it seemed that Bec’s masterpiece was complete. I was terrified. I needn’t have bought the puzzle book, as I had kept my eyes closed the entire time, tuning out and turning myself into putty in Bec’s hands. I have an uncanny ability to completely tune myself out from the world, and had taken advantage of that while Bec was creating the new me.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at myself in the mirror. If I hadn’t recognised my eyes, I would have sworn that the person before me was anyone other than me. I looked bright and feminine. Gone was the straight black hair, all the same length. Replacing it were large, flaming red curls that fell to my shoulders. The only straight hair was a fringe, something I had never had. My face looked different as well – my eyebrows had been waxed and I was covered in makeup.

“Please tell me you like it,” Bec said quietly. I saw her reflection and noticed that she looked apprehensive and terrified.

I reached for my notebook and pen, which I had left on the counter in front of me in case of emergency. I look like Little Orphan Annie! I wrote.

“That would explain the shock on your face,” Bec murmured, nodding. “But it really suits your face, especially your eyes. You don’t look so dreary now, no offence intended. You look girly, and pretty. Everyone’s going to love it, all the girls here do.” Our reflection eyes met. “So...do you like it?”

I considered the question carefully. This new look scared me a little. I had never thought I could have pulled off red hair, or curls. But, I did look pretty. I liked the look, but disliked it at the same time. I supposed that in time, I would get used to it. I gave Bec the thumbs up.

“Thank the Lord for that,” Bec said, placing a hand delicately over her chest, looking relieved.

She quickly became businesslike again as she gave me the details of what she had done to me and what I would have to do to keep it. She had also given me a manicure and pedicure, and I loved my shiny pink nails. There was a lot that I had to do to keep it all together. I had never put much focus on my appearance, just maintaining a certain level of cleanliness. Now I was going to have to work at it, unless I wanted this makeover to go to crap. As weird as I was feeling about my new look, I wanted to give it a shot. Maybe this would be a fantastic opportunity of some sort.

After sorting out all my new products and maintenance regimes, Bec dragged me shopping. I dread to think how much Bec spent on me. I tried to avoid looking at any price labels and always waited outside the checkouts for her. However, by the time we left the shops that afternoon an hour before the party, my wardrobe had been multiplied by at least twelve. I had bright, colourful tops, pants, dresses, handbags, underwear and shoes. This new hairstyle meant that I could pretty much wear any colour I wanted. It was nice to feel girly. It was something I hadn’t expected to enjoy.

By the time we were ready to leave Kate had already left, so I would have to wait until the party to see her. Bec drove to straight to my unit, helping herself to one of the parking spaces in front of the actual unit instead of parking on the side of the road out the front like most of my guests did. Mum must have heard the car pull up, seeing as it was excessively noisy, and rushed out as I was pulling bags out of the boot.

“Bec, my dear, it is so lovely to see you again!” she exclaimed. I heard a door close, and assumed that was Bec closing her door.

“Thanks, Mandy,” I heard Bec say. “You’re going to love Tahara’s new look.”

“I have no doubt that you’ve made her look beautiful,” Mum gushed. I heard the soft thudding of her boots as she walked around the car. “Tahara, baby, come out, I want to see you!”

Reluctantly, somewhat afraid of my mother’s reaction, I put down the bags I had grabbed and stepped aside to face Mum. Her opinion matters a lot to me, and I was scared that she wouldn’t like what she saw. When she saw me, her jaw dropped, and I immediately felt afraid. Quickly, though, her ‘o’ of surprise turned into one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen.

“Tahara, you look beautiful!” she gushed, running and hugging me. I hugged her back, relieved that she approved. “You should have let Bec do this ages ago!”

I pulled back and smiled at her. ‘I’m glad you like it.’

Mum smiled and grabbed some bags, moving gracefully into the house. Bec came around to the boot and grinned at me. “I told you I’m not going to be the only one who absolutely loves it,” she gushed.

‘Thank you so much,’ I signed.

Bec blushed. “Not a problem, dear. Anything for family.” She hugged me briefly, then grabbed some bags and walked inside. By this time, Mum was already back out.

“Don’t just stand around, Tahara, bring all your new clothes in,” she chided. She looked inside one of the bags. “Bec does have a great eye for fashion. I might have to take her with me next time I go buy some clothes,” she mused, then walked inside.

I grabbed the remaining bags and followed her. Once the bags were inside, I started putting the clothes away. Being as organised as I was, it turned into a nightmare for Bec. I insisted on putting everything into my cupboard arranging them by item, and then by colour. This was very time-consuming and annoying for Bec, as I am a perfectionist. Everything had to be in the right place.

“If you take too much longer, we’re going to be late to pick up Alex, and then late for the party,” she grumbled as she played solitaire on my laptop.

I sighed and quickly put away all my new shoes. I made sure everything was perfect and looked at Bec, then clapped my hands. She looked at me, and I waved my hands at the cupboard, like I was one of those girls on game shows, presenting the prizes. Bec giggled.

“You could be one of them now,” she mused. She got out of the game, walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a white denim mini skirt and a red v-neck tank top with a diamond-shaped detail at the bottom of the v. “These will go well together, go throw them on.”

I took the clothes off her and wandered off to the bathroom. I changed clothes, liking the feel of the silk-like shirt against my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror and almost screamed. It was going to take time to get used to my own reflection. On the bright side, I looked like more of a girl than what I had for years. The top made me look curvier in the bust area than what I could have thought possible. Maybe these curls would be a good thing, even if they were annoying the crap out of me. I was used to my straight hair, which had always fallen straight along the back of my neck. The curls only touched part of my neck, so I could feel the gaps where the curls did not touch, and they made me more aware of the curls.

“You done, Tahara?” Bec called.

Nodding at my reflection, I walked out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. Bec nodded approvingly and handed me a pair of white heels. I sat down on the bed and put them on while Bec tipped the contents of the handbag I had used today into my new white handbag.

“Righto, are we good to go?” Bec asked, holding out my handbag for me to take.

Hesitantly, I stood up in the heels. I cautiously took one step towards Bec, then another, and then I was in front of her. I took the handbag. ‘Thanks,’ I signed.

“Good God, woman,” she said, sounding shocked. I looked up to meet her eyes. “You can’t walk in heels, can you?”

‘Sort of,’ I signed.

“Elaborate.”

‘They’re new, so it will take me a few minutes to get used to it. I’ll be fine by the time we get to the party,’ I explained.

Bec nodded. “Just so long as you wander around my house while Alex is getting ready at the last minute, right?” she asked. I nodded. “Good, good. Let’s go then!”

We walked out of my bedroom and towards the front door. “I’ll see you at ten, Tahara!” Mum called from the kitchen. I turned and gave her the thumbs up, then waved goodbye.