Status: Completed
I'll Never Say I Love You
8
That night, I curled up on my bed watching old British comedy DVDs on my laptop with Maxwell on my pillow. It was one of my favourite ways to spend my evenings. None of my friends, except sometimes Alex, could see what I enjoyed about them. They all seemed to be prejudiced against anything pre-1990. I, on the other hand, loved almost all old movies and television shows, especially anything in black and white.
No wonder people thought I was a freak.
After struggling to find a position where I could lie without my curls annoying me, I was able to make myself comfortable. Once that happened, I got the sense that Alex was nearby. I wondered what he could possibly be here for at this hour. It had only been two hours since he had left. Reluctantly, I paused the DVD and walked out to the front door. I could hear the jangle of Alex’s keys as he struggled to find the right one in the dark, and had a brief internal debate about whether to let him in or let him do it himself. I knew that he knew that I knew he was here. I decided to compromise – to wait until his keys were in the door, and then open it.
I executed the decision once I heard the keys slotting in the door. Alex looked up from the doorknob and saw my evil grin, and rolled his eyes at me. I laughed and stood to the side while he walked in, his school bag and sleepover backpack each slung over one shoulder. I frowned, not remembering a sleepover being decided, but locked the door after him anyway.
“Alex!” Mum exclaimed, surprised. “I didn’t know you were sleeping over tonight! Have you eaten? I have to whip you up something!” She wandered into the kitchen, rummaging through the pantries.
“It’s all right, Mandy, I ate before I came,” Alex said.
Mum breathed a sigh of relief and went back to watching the television. Alex walked into my room and I followed him, closing the door behind us. How many fifteen-year-olds would be able to get away with taking a fifteen-year-old boy into their room and closing the door behind them? It showed how much my parents trusted us.
Alex put both of his bags in the corner of the room in front of my cupboard while I sat down on my bed, packing away the DVD I had been watching and moving my laptop onto my desk. When I turned around and looked back to the bed, Alex was sitting there cross-legged, facing the end of the bed with a tub of chocolate ice cream, two blocks of chocolate and two dessert spoons. The reason for his coming over was clear – he and his girlfriend had broken up. Regardless of whether they had been close or not, Alex always did this when he broke up with a girl. He always said that the same thing would happen if I broke up with a guy. We were yet to test that theory, as I had never dated anyone. Maybe Kyle would change that.
I mirrored Alex, sitting cross-legged and facing him. He passed over a block of chocolate, which I accepted and started unwrapping. Thankfully Alex didn’t look too upset, which didn’t surprise me. Things had not gotten serious with Hannah, as was obvious to the world by the fact that they had only been together a few weeks. What made it obvious to me was the fact that Alex had not formally introduced me to her. I knew her, of course, but that was different to a formal introduction. It was like meeting the parents. My opinion mattered a lot to Alex, and so he only introduced me to his girlfriends when he thought they were getting serious as a couple – as serious as teenage relationships can be, that is. He had dated many girls, but I had only been introduced to two of them.
I broke off a piece of the chocolate and popped it in my mouth. ‘What happened?’ I signed. That was one good thing about using sign language – I could chew and maintain a conversation at the same time without people going off at me for talking with my mouth full.
Alex swallowed what was in his mouth before speaking. “She broke up with me. Thought we made better friends.”
I gave him a confused look. ‘I didn’t know that you two were friends before?’ It was a half-question, half statement, and Alex understood that.
“Neither did I,” he responded with a slight laugh. He took a mouthful of ice cream and smiled at me while chewing it.
‘Her loss,’ I signed, smiling. ‘You’ll find someone else. You always do.’
“I just hope it’s sooner rather than later. I need someone to take to the Valentines dance,” he said ruefully.
I grimaced. I hated dances, and Alex knew it. I refused to attend unless forced to. Kate normally dragged me along, and I literally mean drag. She normally has to force me into an outfit (which she allowed to be black, thank the Lord), push me to the car, and pull me by the elbow into the dance. She was intent on forcing me to attend the Valentines dance, at the end of next week, gushing about how much fun it would be to buy a new dress, as if Bec hadn’t completely filled out my cupboard.
Alex saw my grimace and gave me a sympathetic look. “You’ll be fine, Tahara. You know you always have a good time with your friends,” he said, breaking off more chocolate.
I took another spoonful of ice cream. ‘Yeah, I guess I do,” I signed. ‘I still hate them though. I hate getting dressed up, I hate socialising with people, and I especially hate the actual dancing.’
“Well, that’s what you get for being friends with people like Kate,” Alex replied, poking his tongue out at me. I poked mine back at him. “Besides, you might have a reason other than Kate for going to this one. That Kyle guy might ask you.”
I swatted him playfully, but still blushed.
We ate in silence for around a minute before Alex broke the silence. “She was just a really nice chick, you know?” he sighed, leaning back into the pillows and staring at the roof. Maxwell meowed a sleepy annoyance at him, but didn’t move. “She was funny, she really cared, and her body was just-“
I held up a hand, and Alex looked at me. ‘Save that for the boys, Romeo,’ I signed.
Alex laughed. “I should have known better than to talk about hot chicks with you, Tahara,” he said, shaking his head against the pillow. His smile slowly faded. “She was just the whole package.”
I cocked my head to one side. ‘I thought brains were in the idea of the whole package?’ I signed.
“She is smart,” Alex said defensively, sitting up. I could see in his eyes that he didn’t believe a word he had just said.
I gave him a look. ‘Alex, she is so stupid that she thought the word Celtics had something to do with the job description for an insect salesman,” I signed.
Alex stifled a laugh. “She really said that?” I nodded. Alex sighed. “So she might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I’m going to miss her.”
I scuttled over and hugged him, leaning my head on his shoulder. This was nothing romantic or unusual – just a hug to make him feel better. He hugged me back, his chin on the top of my head. I enjoyed being with him like this, even though it didn’t have any romantic connotations or attachments. We were just two friends who cared a lot for each other.
“So, what are we going to watch?” he asked, pulling out of the hug. Watching movies was another tradition during our break-up catch-ups.
‘I think we need a classic comedy,’ I signed, walking over to my DVD cabinet. They were, of course, arranged alphabetically. I looked through them while Alex set up my laptop so that we could see the screen. I pulled out my copy of Flying High and showed it to Alex.
“Can’t get more classic than that,” he agreed, taking it and putting it on.
I sat down on the left side of the bed, nibbling at my chocolate once again. Alex flicked the lights off and put the ice cream between us and sat down on the right side, our usual arrangement on my bed. Guessing that we would be lying down soon, I grabbed Maxwell and managed to move him to the end of my side of the bed without waking him. Not wanting to be moving around, bothering Alex and possible ruining the ice cream, I reached behind him and grabbed my hairbrush. I brushed my hair and tied it into a ponytail.
“You’re sick of them already, aren’t you?” Alex murmured, running his hand over my hair.
I was so shocked by his touch that I froze, but regained my composure. ‘I was sick of them before they went in,’ I responded.
“They look good on you,” Alex complimented, smiling at me, the smile that I adored. I nearly dropped my chocolate.
Alex dropped his hand and focused on the movie. I couldn’t change my focus that quickly. He liked my curls. It was all I could think about. He had run his hand over them in a way that made my heart stop beating. It was like his smile, only better and worse at the same time. If he did it too often my guess would be that I would stop breathing completely, I would be in that much shock.
After a few moments of just staring at Alex in shock, I managed to settle myself and watch the movie. But there was a part of my mind that was still thinking about how grateful I was for these curls, even if I only got that one compliment and that one touch.
No wonder people thought I was a freak.
After struggling to find a position where I could lie without my curls annoying me, I was able to make myself comfortable. Once that happened, I got the sense that Alex was nearby. I wondered what he could possibly be here for at this hour. It had only been two hours since he had left. Reluctantly, I paused the DVD and walked out to the front door. I could hear the jangle of Alex’s keys as he struggled to find the right one in the dark, and had a brief internal debate about whether to let him in or let him do it himself. I knew that he knew that I knew he was here. I decided to compromise – to wait until his keys were in the door, and then open it.
I executed the decision once I heard the keys slotting in the door. Alex looked up from the doorknob and saw my evil grin, and rolled his eyes at me. I laughed and stood to the side while he walked in, his school bag and sleepover backpack each slung over one shoulder. I frowned, not remembering a sleepover being decided, but locked the door after him anyway.
“Alex!” Mum exclaimed, surprised. “I didn’t know you were sleeping over tonight! Have you eaten? I have to whip you up something!” She wandered into the kitchen, rummaging through the pantries.
“It’s all right, Mandy, I ate before I came,” Alex said.
Mum breathed a sigh of relief and went back to watching the television. Alex walked into my room and I followed him, closing the door behind us. How many fifteen-year-olds would be able to get away with taking a fifteen-year-old boy into their room and closing the door behind them? It showed how much my parents trusted us.
Alex put both of his bags in the corner of the room in front of my cupboard while I sat down on my bed, packing away the DVD I had been watching and moving my laptop onto my desk. When I turned around and looked back to the bed, Alex was sitting there cross-legged, facing the end of the bed with a tub of chocolate ice cream, two blocks of chocolate and two dessert spoons. The reason for his coming over was clear – he and his girlfriend had broken up. Regardless of whether they had been close or not, Alex always did this when he broke up with a girl. He always said that the same thing would happen if I broke up with a guy. We were yet to test that theory, as I had never dated anyone. Maybe Kyle would change that.
I mirrored Alex, sitting cross-legged and facing him. He passed over a block of chocolate, which I accepted and started unwrapping. Thankfully Alex didn’t look too upset, which didn’t surprise me. Things had not gotten serious with Hannah, as was obvious to the world by the fact that they had only been together a few weeks. What made it obvious to me was the fact that Alex had not formally introduced me to her. I knew her, of course, but that was different to a formal introduction. It was like meeting the parents. My opinion mattered a lot to Alex, and so he only introduced me to his girlfriends when he thought they were getting serious as a couple – as serious as teenage relationships can be, that is. He had dated many girls, but I had only been introduced to two of them.
I broke off a piece of the chocolate and popped it in my mouth. ‘What happened?’ I signed. That was one good thing about using sign language – I could chew and maintain a conversation at the same time without people going off at me for talking with my mouth full.
Alex swallowed what was in his mouth before speaking. “She broke up with me. Thought we made better friends.”
I gave him a confused look. ‘I didn’t know that you two were friends before?’ It was a half-question, half statement, and Alex understood that.
“Neither did I,” he responded with a slight laugh. He took a mouthful of ice cream and smiled at me while chewing it.
‘Her loss,’ I signed, smiling. ‘You’ll find someone else. You always do.’
“I just hope it’s sooner rather than later. I need someone to take to the Valentines dance,” he said ruefully.
I grimaced. I hated dances, and Alex knew it. I refused to attend unless forced to. Kate normally dragged me along, and I literally mean drag. She normally has to force me into an outfit (which she allowed to be black, thank the Lord), push me to the car, and pull me by the elbow into the dance. She was intent on forcing me to attend the Valentines dance, at the end of next week, gushing about how much fun it would be to buy a new dress, as if Bec hadn’t completely filled out my cupboard.
Alex saw my grimace and gave me a sympathetic look. “You’ll be fine, Tahara. You know you always have a good time with your friends,” he said, breaking off more chocolate.
I took another spoonful of ice cream. ‘Yeah, I guess I do,” I signed. ‘I still hate them though. I hate getting dressed up, I hate socialising with people, and I especially hate the actual dancing.’
“Well, that’s what you get for being friends with people like Kate,” Alex replied, poking his tongue out at me. I poked mine back at him. “Besides, you might have a reason other than Kate for going to this one. That Kyle guy might ask you.”
I swatted him playfully, but still blushed.
We ate in silence for around a minute before Alex broke the silence. “She was just a really nice chick, you know?” he sighed, leaning back into the pillows and staring at the roof. Maxwell meowed a sleepy annoyance at him, but didn’t move. “She was funny, she really cared, and her body was just-“
I held up a hand, and Alex looked at me. ‘Save that for the boys, Romeo,’ I signed.
Alex laughed. “I should have known better than to talk about hot chicks with you, Tahara,” he said, shaking his head against the pillow. His smile slowly faded. “She was just the whole package.”
I cocked my head to one side. ‘I thought brains were in the idea of the whole package?’ I signed.
“She is smart,” Alex said defensively, sitting up. I could see in his eyes that he didn’t believe a word he had just said.
I gave him a look. ‘Alex, she is so stupid that she thought the word Celtics had something to do with the job description for an insect salesman,” I signed.
Alex stifled a laugh. “She really said that?” I nodded. Alex sighed. “So she might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I’m going to miss her.”
I scuttled over and hugged him, leaning my head on his shoulder. This was nothing romantic or unusual – just a hug to make him feel better. He hugged me back, his chin on the top of my head. I enjoyed being with him like this, even though it didn’t have any romantic connotations or attachments. We were just two friends who cared a lot for each other.
“So, what are we going to watch?” he asked, pulling out of the hug. Watching movies was another tradition during our break-up catch-ups.
‘I think we need a classic comedy,’ I signed, walking over to my DVD cabinet. They were, of course, arranged alphabetically. I looked through them while Alex set up my laptop so that we could see the screen. I pulled out my copy of Flying High and showed it to Alex.
“Can’t get more classic than that,” he agreed, taking it and putting it on.
I sat down on the left side of the bed, nibbling at my chocolate once again. Alex flicked the lights off and put the ice cream between us and sat down on the right side, our usual arrangement on my bed. Guessing that we would be lying down soon, I grabbed Maxwell and managed to move him to the end of my side of the bed without waking him. Not wanting to be moving around, bothering Alex and possible ruining the ice cream, I reached behind him and grabbed my hairbrush. I brushed my hair and tied it into a ponytail.
“You’re sick of them already, aren’t you?” Alex murmured, running his hand over my hair.
I was so shocked by his touch that I froze, but regained my composure. ‘I was sick of them before they went in,’ I responded.
“They look good on you,” Alex complimented, smiling at me, the smile that I adored. I nearly dropped my chocolate.
Alex dropped his hand and focused on the movie. I couldn’t change my focus that quickly. He liked my curls. It was all I could think about. He had run his hand over them in a way that made my heart stop beating. It was like his smile, only better and worse at the same time. If he did it too often my guess would be that I would stop breathing completely, I would be in that much shock.
After a few moments of just staring at Alex in shock, I managed to settle myself and watch the movie. But there was a part of my mind that was still thinking about how grateful I was for these curls, even if I only got that one compliment and that one touch.