I'll Never Say I Love You

I must have fallen asleep during the movie. I remembered part of it, then the next thing I knew my alarm was going off. I flicked it off and looked around, half-expecting to see Alex. He wasn’t there, though, so I assumed he was asleep on the futon. Maxwell was also gone. My other clue was that my laptop had been shut down, but was still open. I always closed my laptop; Alex tended to leave it open.

I wandered to the lounge room to wake up Alex. I paused in my doorway to admire him briefly. He slept to the right of the futon, because Maxwell was asleep on the left. If he looked hot normally, he was smouldering first thing in the morning. His hair was tousled sexily. He only slept in boxers, and I had a glorious view of his chest. I snapped myself out of it – getting ready for school was more important than admiring him shirtless, even if it did look really good.

Waking a person up is difficult for me. I can’t ask them gently to wake up, so I shake their shoulder gently enough to make them feel safe, but rough enough to wake them. I know exactly the right balance for waking Mum, Dad and Alex.

“What’s going on?” Alex mumbled as I shook his shoulder, his eyes closed. I shook him a little harder. His eyes opened and locked on mine. “Oh, morning Tahara,” he mumbled.

I smiled. ‘Time to wake up.’

Alex sat up and stretched, then flopped back down. He wasn’t a morning person. “Do we have to go today?” he grumbled.

‘Yes,’ I signed. I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him into a sitting position and failed.

Alex laughed at me. “Tahara, you need to get some muscle on those bones,” he said. He sat and looked at me seriously. “You know what the best way to do that is?”

‘How?’

“By cooking me breakfast,” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes, but agreed. ‘Two rounds of Benny, coming up,’ I signed, walking to the kitchen. I knew Alex loved Eggs Benedict, despite the fact that we had no Hollandaise sauce.

“Tahara, you are the best friend ever, have I ever mentioned that to you?” Alex called.

While I cooked, Alex hauled himself up on the bench. I occupied myself with cooking so that I wouldn’t be distracted by his looks. Alex watched me studiously, as he normally did when I cooked. I didn’t know why. He said it was because there was nothing better to do, which I knew was a lie. I was sure if he spent more than two seconds on a channel he would be able to find something interesting on the television. There was so much more to do.
I plated up our breakfast and handed the plate with more to Alex, who was still sitting on the bench. I walked to the other side and sat on one of the stools. Alex spun around on the bench so that he was facing me.

“This tastes really good, Tahara,” he said through a mouthful.

‘Thanks.’

He put his plate next to mine and swung off the bench and onto one of the stools in one fluid movement. “Have you ever thought about becoming a chef?” he asked.

‘Every now and then,’ I admitted. ‘I don’t think I would be able to handle the stress, though.’

“Mandy never looks stressed,” Alex argued.

I rolled my eyes. ‘If Mum was told the world was ending in twenty-four hours, while everyone else is running around like chickens with their heads cut off she would be turning it into a party.’

Alex laughed at my theory. “I reckon you’re spot on,” he admitted, scraping the last food on his plate. Alex was a quick eater – I was barely half done.

‘Go put your clothes on, we have to go,’ I told him, chewing quickly so I wouldn’t be late.

“A girl telling me to put a shirt on? That’s a first!” He smirked.

I blushed. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I wanted him to put his clothes on. Unfortunately, I don’t think teachers would approve if he showed up to school in boxers. Still smirking, Alex walked towards my bedroom to grab his uniform. I tried not to follow him with my eyes, but failed. It wasn’t my fault he was hot.

Alex was dressed and doing his hair by the time I finished eating. His curls now lay normally, yet he still looked gorgeous. It struck me how different he and Kyle were. Kyle had a classical beauty, while Alex’s beauty was unique. Still, they were both gorgeous. I had always thought Melissa was exaggerating when she gushed about liking multiple guys at the same time. Now I realised it was possible to feel for more than one person at one time.

“Tahara, I need your help with my tie,” he pleaded.

‘You should learn,’ I signed, then started with his tie.

“Claw clippers, Tahara. Invest in some,” he replied.

By the time I was dressed and had brushed my hair – it took a while to get my curls to lay the way I wanted them to – there was ten minutes until classes started. I placed my books into my backpack and hurried out the door with him.

***

“We want to know everything,” Melissa demanded as I arrived at the table after my IT class.

“Every single detail,” Kate agreed, leaning towards me eagerly.

I sighed. This was going to be a long break. I described the lunch break I had spent with Kyle in perfect detail. They all seemed to be proud of me for having such an intimate conversation without speaking. They decided that he was not only hot, but a gentleman.

“You’ve managed to land the perfect guy, Tahara,” Melissa gushed.

“I don’t think she’s quite landed him yet, have you?” Kate asked, peering intently into my eyes.

I shook my head.

“Maybe he’ll ask you to the Valentines Dance!” Janice said excitedly.

I made a face.

“You’d enjoy it even more with a date,” Melissa said, waggling her eyebrows.

The bell rang, and we went our separate ways. The rest of the day went smoothly, but I didn’t see Kyle. I wondered if I would see him again other than in Home Economics. Maybe we could try to make catching up a more permanent thing between us. I was sure that would be fun for us, even if communication was exhausting.

That afternoon, I waited patiently outside the library for Alex, watching the other students file past me. I wondered if Kyle was amongst them, but didn’t see him.

“Keep your eyes on the prize, Tahara,” Alex said as he approached, pointing between my eyes and his eyes.

I laughed at him. ‘What sort of prize are you?’ I signed.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m the really big teddy bear up the top of the prize stands at all those fair games,” he said eventually, leaning against the same wall I was leaning against. “Everyone wants me, but only a few ever get me.”

I thought that made sense, because I completely sucked at those games. ‘If that’s the way you want it, I’m going to call you Teddy from now on,’ I signed, pushing myself off the wall and nearly tripping. Thankfully I steadied myself before my nose had an intimate meeting with the floor.

Alex laughed at me, and pushed himself off the wall with grace and ease, just to spite me. “Fine then. I’ll be your teddy bear, Tahara, and you can sleep with me.”

I hit him to try and distract him from the fact that I was blushing. ‘That is sick and wrong,’ I signed, feeling my blush disappear. Lying through my teeth, per se, was an art for me. I had been hiding my feelings for Alex from him since he rejected me, to avoid ruining our friendship. While part of me hoped Alex knew how I felt, it was better that he didn’t. Our friendship took first priority.

Alex laughed and we started walking towards our lockers. It still felt weird, walking against the stream of people, but I hoped that I would get used to it in time. When we got to our lockers, the crowd around us had died out. Only a handful of students surrounded us as we rummaged through our lockers.

“So, your Kyle is in my phys ed class,” Alex said, slamming his locker shut and facing me.

‘He’s not my Kyle,’ I corrected him.

“Not yet, anyway,” Alex teased. He walked over and leaned against the locker next to mine, his head poking around beside the open door of my locker. “Seems like a pretty sporty bloke,” he continued, once he didn’t get the response from me he had been hoping for – one of flustered denial. He loved it when I blushed, got embarrassed or got flustered. It amused him to no end. “Buff, too. The girls were swooning over him.”

I slammed my locker door shut and looked at him, and I could feel my panic rising. Had any of them been flirting with him? Had he flirted back with any of them? Just how many girls had been chasing after him? Were they prettier than me?

“He didn’t flirt with any of them though,” Alex said, answering my unasked question. “But whether that was because he didn’t fancy them or he was concentrating too much on the volleyball match to notice remains to be seen.”

‘Who was trying?’

“The most noticeable of those trying was Stellar Stella.”