Fake

Opening my eyes the next door was hard. They felt crusted shut and dry from all the tears that I was ashamed I shed. I rubbed at my eyes and sat up slowly. Looking down I see Lucas’s sleeping figure. I watched his chest rise and fall in sync with his breathing.

I smiled and brushed the hair from his face. Something was bubbling inside my chest and I had a feeling I knew what it was I just didn’t want to admit it.

I got out of bed and went for the kitchen. My stomach was growling, signaling that it wanted food. I made myself some pop tarts and stuffed them into my mouth. On the counter I sat and swung my legs childishly.

It was strange not having Nicole around. I was used to waking up with her by my side, not Lucas…is it mean to say that I rather wake up next to Lucas than her? I guess not since she thought it was better to sleep with another man than me.

“Good morning.”

I jumped slightly and looked to my side, seeing Lucas standing in the door way yawning. He stretched his limbs and ran his fingers through his hair before walking over to me.

“Sleep good?”

I nod my head as I take the last bite of my pop tart. Lucas got himself some as well and silently ate it beside me. When he finished we both said nothing. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I was staring aimlessly at the ground.

“Lets go to the docks,” Lucas says, tugging on my wrist.

I look up at him and smile. He grinned as well and I nodded. The docks always made me feel better…

It didn’t take long for us to get dressed and leave the apartment for the docks. We were at the docks quickly and soon we were sitting on the side, splashing in the water and picking away at the grass.

I lied back and stared up at the blue sky. Not a single white cloud was in the sky and I was glad. I didn’t like clouds, I thought they took away from the beauty of the sky. They’re ok in the morning, when the sun is rising, and it stains the sky with beautiful colors, but in the afternoon I like a clear blue sky.

I heard rustling beside me, which signaled that Lucas had done the same as me. Until night time we lied there and talked. Lucas did most of the talking, but I occasionally said something because I was getting more and more used to it.

I don’t think I’ll ever talk around other people. Only Lucas, because he makes me feel like I can, that it’s ok, that nothing will happen if I do.

“Do you remember in fifth eighth grade when I tried skate boarding?”

“Mhm,” I hummed with a smile. “You f-fell flat on your face.”

The two of us chuckled at the memory. I remember me panicking, thinking that he had hurt himself bad when he hadn’t gotten up. Immediately I ran over, flipping him onto his back only to realize he had done it on purpose.

We wrestled for a while until he finally pinned me. I flushed at the memory. I hadn’t realized the perverted position we were in until I thought about it now.

I looked to my side to see that Lucas was looking at me now too with a grin.

“You were always such a worrywart over me,” he laughed, bringing his hand up to caress my cheek.

This insane feeling filled my gut. It tickled me from the inside out.

“And whenever I’d go too far, you’d be right there to use your fists and teach me a thing or two…then you’d apologize and panic about it in the morning,” Lucas chuckled…and was it just me or had he gotten closer?

“Yeah,” I whispered and damn it, now I was moving closer. “I w-was just…worried you’d b-be mad a-at me.”

I could feel his breath against my lips. Our eyes were locked and noses brushed. His hand had moved to hold my chin softly. I felt myself stop breathing and eyes flutter shut as Lucas moved closer, his lips ghosting mine before finally pressing themselves full force against mine.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I was kissing my best friend, my best friend who is a boy. Why did it feel so right though? Why did I suddenly feel like I was at this extreme high just because I felt his soft lips moving against my own?

I don’t know.

We pulled away barely and our eyes locked once more. His were filled with slight confusion, shock, and happiness. I had doubt that mine probably looked the same way.

So…now what?