Status: Complete.
Fake
Lucas.
I took another drag of my cigarette, holding in the smoke for a few seconds before breathing out, letting the smoke escape in long, thin swirls. Was I going to go insane here? Again? I leaned over the railing. They may have an apartment on the first floor, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a railing.
I threw my half-burned cigarette on the dewy ground before growling something random against my sleeve. Maybe I should get out of here again. Just pack up and leave. My leg was still sore, but it’d be okay. Joni was obviously happy here with his apartment and job and girlfriend. And I was happy for him… I guess. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t left him all alone here, that I should’ve told him to come with me. But then I probably would’ve had to tell him why I left. And I don’t want to do that. It’s been six years and the shame from that still haunts me. The shame from the stupidity. I was supposed to be a prodigy, therefore I wasn’t supposed to make a mistake like that.
If Joni hadn’t been here, I never would’ve thought twice about leaving. But since he was here, I thought over the idea of leaving for months. Debating and waiting to see if things might have gotten better, easier for me. And they didn’t. So I left Joni behind. I regret doing that now. I thought that he’d leave. But no, he was still here in this smothering place, letting the life be sucked out of him.
I ran a hand through my hair. I need a drink.
*~*~*~*
So I did just that. I left the apartment in search of the nearest bar. Maybe I could drown everything with a few drinks. I could really hold my liquor, in all honesty. I mean, I’ve been drinking for years, I had to have built of some kind of immunity to it.
I let the burning liquid run down my throat before it settled in my stomach. As soon as I was buzzed though, I left. Normally I’d get so drunk I couldn’t even see anymore, but that was only when I was ‘home’ alone. And besides, I didn’t want to go back to Joni’s house completely drunk. He’d dealt with me enough when I was drunk back when we were teenagers. All I really needed was some kind of buzz right now.
I was just fine getting back to the apartment, no major accidents on my part or minor ones for that matter either.
As soon as I was back in the apartment, I searched around for Joni while Nicole sat in the kitchen. “He’s not here,” she told me, typing something on her laptop.
“Where’d he go?” I asked, not letting any slurred speech slip. Not that I was really going to slur while I’m only buzzed, I’m better than that.
“None of your business,” she told me, a hint of aggression in her voice.
I raised an eyebrow. What the hell? I only asked a simple question. Maybe she’s on her period and PMSing or something. I don’t fucking understand women.
“I was only wondering,” I mumbled before going to sit on the couch.
“Why the hell are you wearing your dirty shoes on the carpet?” The anger in her voice rising. “Do you know how hard I work to keep that clean?”
“Jesus, I’ll take them off,” I growled back, kicked my shoes off, effectively landing them on the mat only a few feet away.
“Seriously, though, where’s Joni? I wanted to-”
“I said it’s none of your fucking business!” She hissed venomously.
“Fuck, are you on your period?” I groaned, not wanting to deal with a menstrual woman.
“Look, the only reason you’re even here is because Joni wants you here. If it were up to me, you’d be out of here,” She snarled.
Maybe I actually had too much to drink and now the alcohol is affecting what I’m seeing and hearing. It must really be distorting what’s happening. I thought she was a fairly decent girl… except for the fact that she doesn’t get Joni at allwhich really pissed me off.
“You’re fucking up everything,” she went on. Yeah, it has to be the alcohol. She kind of sounded like my mom went she- Let’s not get into that. Those memories were better of locked away.
Then she shut her laptop and carried it with her into her bedroom like I actually did something wrong. I only asked where Joni was!
I just hope that her problem was only that she was menstrual… or extremely hormonal. Or that I just had too much to drink. She couldn’t really be like that, could she?
I just sighed and laid back on the couch, curling under the blanket and drifting into the sleep that I desperately needed.
I threw my half-burned cigarette on the dewy ground before growling something random against my sleeve. Maybe I should get out of here again. Just pack up and leave. My leg was still sore, but it’d be okay. Joni was obviously happy here with his apartment and job and girlfriend. And I was happy for him… I guess. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t left him all alone here, that I should’ve told him to come with me. But then I probably would’ve had to tell him why I left. And I don’t want to do that. It’s been six years and the shame from that still haunts me. The shame from the stupidity. I was supposed to be a prodigy, therefore I wasn’t supposed to make a mistake like that.
If Joni hadn’t been here, I never would’ve thought twice about leaving. But since he was here, I thought over the idea of leaving for months. Debating and waiting to see if things might have gotten better, easier for me. And they didn’t. So I left Joni behind. I regret doing that now. I thought that he’d leave. But no, he was still here in this smothering place, letting the life be sucked out of him.
I ran a hand through my hair. I need a drink.
*~*~*~*
So I did just that. I left the apartment in search of the nearest bar. Maybe I could drown everything with a few drinks. I could really hold my liquor, in all honesty. I mean, I’ve been drinking for years, I had to have built of some kind of immunity to it.
I let the burning liquid run down my throat before it settled in my stomach. As soon as I was buzzed though, I left. Normally I’d get so drunk I couldn’t even see anymore, but that was only when I was ‘home’ alone. And besides, I didn’t want to go back to Joni’s house completely drunk. He’d dealt with me enough when I was drunk back when we were teenagers. All I really needed was some kind of buzz right now.
I was just fine getting back to the apartment, no major accidents on my part or minor ones for that matter either.
As soon as I was back in the apartment, I searched around for Joni while Nicole sat in the kitchen. “He’s not here,” she told me, typing something on her laptop.
“Where’d he go?” I asked, not letting any slurred speech slip. Not that I was really going to slur while I’m only buzzed, I’m better than that.
“None of your business,” she told me, a hint of aggression in her voice.
I raised an eyebrow. What the hell? I only asked a simple question. Maybe she’s on her period and PMSing or something. I don’t fucking understand women.
“I was only wondering,” I mumbled before going to sit on the couch.
“Why the hell are you wearing your dirty shoes on the carpet?” The anger in her voice rising. “Do you know how hard I work to keep that clean?”
“Jesus, I’ll take them off,” I growled back, kicked my shoes off, effectively landing them on the mat only a few feet away.
“Seriously, though, where’s Joni? I wanted to-”
“I said it’s none of your fucking business!” She hissed venomously.
“Fuck, are you on your period?” I groaned, not wanting to deal with a menstrual woman.
“Look, the only reason you’re even here is because Joni wants you here. If it were up to me, you’d be out of here,” She snarled.
Maybe I actually had too much to drink and now the alcohol is affecting what I’m seeing and hearing. It must really be distorting what’s happening. I thought she was a fairly decent girl… except for the fact that she doesn’t get Joni at allwhich really pissed me off.
“You’re fucking up everything,” she went on. Yeah, it has to be the alcohol. She kind of sounded like my mom went she- Let’s not get into that. Those memories were better of locked away.
Then she shut her laptop and carried it with her into her bedroom like I actually did something wrong. I only asked where Joni was!
I just hope that her problem was only that she was menstrual… or extremely hormonal. Or that I just had too much to drink. She couldn’t really be like that, could she?
I just sighed and laid back on the couch, curling under the blanket and drifting into the sleep that I desperately needed.