Once a Fragile Design

"I'm gunna try to find Kennedy. Do you mind?" Roxii asked me.

I shook my head side to side. "No, it's fine. I should probably try and find John, anyways. I mean, I think I owe him an explanation for the text I sent him."

She nodded her head and gave me a smile. "That you do. I'll see you later, okay?"

I nodded my head. "Later, Rox." She took off walking and I looked around, trying to spot the six-foot-something boy that I had probably nearly made cry.

I walked around slowly, making sure I scanned each group carefully, so as to not miss seeing John. However, I spotted the back of Garrett's head and ran over to him. "Garrett!" I yelled.

He jumped and turned around, spilling some of the drink in his plastic cup on the ground. "Dammit, Acey, you scared me."

I laughed. "Sorry, bro. I was wondering, though, have you seen John recently?"

He nodded his head. “Yeah, probably about ten minutes ago, or so. He mumbled something about not feeling like partying and went to the bus.” He arched his brows at me and leaned his face close to mine. “Did you do something?”

I sighed. “Not really. I mean, I sent him a text saying that I was thinking of leaving the tour, because of . . . well, personal shit, but after thinking it through, I’ve decided to stay.”

“Now you’ve done it, Acey. You’ve probably broken the boy’s heart.”

“I know, I know! That’s why I was trying to find him. Anyways, I’m gunna go to the bus and straighten this mess out. I’ll see you later.”

“Later, dude,” he said and waved.

I gave a wave over my shoulder to him as I walked away. Now that I knew where John was, all that I could concentrate on was getting there, and what exactly I would say to him. I didn’t want to tell him about Roxii and I’s conversation, because that wasn’t his business, but I also didn’t want to lie to him. I guess I could always just tell him what I told Garrett: it was personal matters.

When I reached the bus, I reached my hand out to the lever, but didn’t pull it. I sucked in a big breath of air and closed my eyes.

“Oh, grow some balls, Acey,” I mumbled to myself.

I pulled the lever, opening the door to the bus, and walked up the two steps onto the bus. The bus was dark, save for the light on in the ‘kitchen area’. I walked down the narrow hallway, into the bunk area, and heard a voice singing. As I inched closer, I recognized the voice to belong none other than Tom Petty. I smirked, knowing that John had to be in his bunk. I didn’t want to be rude and just pull the curtain open, because John could be lying in his bunk naked for all I knew. But then again, I didn’t really care. I needed to talk to him.

I peeled back the curtain, and saw John laying on his back and his eyes closed (and yes, fully dressed). I tapped his shoulder and John jumped a little; the volume of his laptop was loud, so I imagine he hadn’t heard me come on the bus. When his eyes landed on me, they widened.

“Acey,” he said.

I nodded my head. “Can we talk?”

He gave me a sad smile and nodded his head. I stepped back, allowing him to climb out of the bunk. He pressed a few buttons on his laptop, silencing the music, and walked towards the back lounge, also known as Roxii and I’s sleeping quarters. He took a seat on my side of the lounge, and I sat beside him. He looked at me, and I fidgeted with my fingers on my lap.

“W – What did you wanna talk about?” he asked, his voice slightly cracking.

I had to admit, it hit my heart to see that he cared so much for me. It had only been a simple text implying that I was merely thinking of leaving, but it had affected him greatly. I felt bad.

“Well . . . You know the text I sent you? The one saying ‘I don’t think I can do this tour’?”

His shoulders fell limp and he averted his gaze to the floor. “Yeah, I do.” He sighed and looked back at me. “Acey, did I do something? Am I coming on too strong? I’m sorry if I did something. I swear, I didn’t mean to.”

I smile and shook my head. “John, you didn’t do anything, I promise. It’s just . . . Roxii and I had an argument earlier, and it sort of got blown out of proportion. I didn’t know if I could go through this tour, having my best friend mad at me the whole time. But, she came and talked to me a few minutes ago, and we worked it out. Everything’s fine now, and I think I’ll be staying,” I told him.

His lips pulled back into a wide smile, revealing his two perfect rows of teeth, and he pulled me into a tight hug. I laughed and placed my head against his chest. I had never noticed how comforting and warm his embrace was, until now.

“I’m so glad, babe. I really am. If you left, I wouldn’t be able to do this tour right – I wouldn’t be able to perform right. You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re staying,” he said.

I smiled and nodded my head. “I’m glad I’m staying too, honestly.”

He rubbed circles on the small of my back and I could feel his breath on the top of my head. “What were you and Roxii fighting about, anyway? I mean, it had to have been something bad for you to think about leaving.”

I closed my eyes. “It was just some personal stuff, JohnO. We both kind of prefer to keep it to ourselves.”

“Alright, that’s fine. As long as you two are good, and you’re staying, that’s all I care about,” he told me.

I snuggled closer to his chest. I don’t know what had come over me, but I just felt the need to be as close to John as possible. Up until this point, I had never felt that way before about him, or anyone else, save for Kennedy. I felt John’s arm tighten around me and he began humming.

“Can I sing you something?” he asked.

I smirked. “You’re not enjoying the silence?”

He laughed. “I am, but there’s a song that I’ve been listening to, and-“

I cut him off, “You don’t have to explain, babe. Just sing.”

He cleared his throat, and a second later, his voice was filling the small room. “I went to sleep thinking about you, and I woke up just the same. You made it so hard for me to close my eyes. Don’t worry, babe, this will be alright in the end, and I’ll be your everything . . .”

I couldn’t even concentrate on John’s voice, because my mind was racing with a million thoughts. I felt my heart pounding against my chest, and all I wanted was for John to keep singing sweet lyrics to me. I wanted to stay in this room with him, just the two of us, all night and be in his arms. The fact that John was making me feel this way baffled me, because I was never much of a romantic person.

And, well . . . the fact that I was feeling this way about John, was even stranger.

What the fuck is going on with me?