Once a Fragile Design

I had been searching for ten minutes, trying to find my camera. I was growing frustrated, and began throwing everything out of my suitcase, onto the bus floor, before going over to Roxie’s side of the lounge and doing the same thing.

“Fuck!” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. “Where the hell did I put it?” I sat on the floor, and glanced around, trying to breathe to relax my nerves, which wasn’t doing much, to be honest.

“What’s all the yelling for, babe?”

I turned around and saw John standing in the doorway. “I can’t find my fucking camera and it’s pissing me the fuck off!”

He smirked and slipped his black Ray-Bans over his eyes. “Have I ever told you how much I love that mouth of yours?”

I glared at him. “I’m really not in the mood, John.”

He pulled his hands from behind his back, revealing my camera. “What about if I give you this?”

I gasped and jumped up, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Where did you find it?!”

“I, uh … technically, I stole it,” he mumbled.

I pulled my arms from his neck and pressed my lips into a straight line. “Why would you steal my camera, O’Callaghan?”

“Because I love messing with you?” he asked, more than stated.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the camera from his hand. “Yeah, well you just put me behind fifteen minutes, and now I’m going to have to hurry to get back inside the venue, get through security, and take my place in the pit.”

He smiled and grabbed my left hand. “Not if I escort you.”

“Do you want me to get mauled by fan girls, John?”

“They won’t maul you.”

I scoffed. “Close enough.”

“Just grab your shit, and let’s go, babe.”

I grabbed my pack of cigarettes from the couch, before letting John lead me out of the bus. As soon as we walked out of the parking lot, the screaming started and I winced from the sound. I tightened my grip on John’s hand and looked at him. “I told you,” I growled.

He bit down on his bottom lip, and I have to admit, it looked completely adorable. “Just hold onto my hand, and keep a grip on your camera, Ace.”

We began meandering through the groups of girls and, although John tried to escape with a smile and saying “I’ll be out after the show to sign”, it didn’t work. Eventually it got the point where he had to stop and sign and take pictures, leaving me to stand to the side. I didn’t mind it, because I loved watching John interact with his fans. But, at the same time, time was slipping away and I was growing irritated with each passing minute.

“John, I have to go,” I tried to whisper to him.

He nodded his head, in the middle of signing a paper for someone. “One minute.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, and glanced at the girls surrounding him. A lot of them were tall, and skinny, and completely beautiful, which made me suddenly feel self-conscious. One was even wearing a short, floral dress, showing off her long legs, and I looked down at my short legs, which were covered in jeans. I need to get out of here.

“Will you be my boyfriend, John?” the girl in the dress asked, catching my attention.

John laughed awkwardly, before subtly looking at me, and then back at the girl. “Are you 18?”

She giggled. “I’m 19, actually.”

“Well then, maybe we can work something out, yeah?” he laughed once more, before placing the cap on his Sharpie. “I have to get inside, guys, but I’ll be out after the show, with the rest of the band, okay?” There were a few sighs and boo’s, but they made way for John to get through. He grabbed my hand, and began leading us through the crowd again.

I couldn’t place my finger on the feeling that was brewing inside of me. I wasn’t exactly jealous, because there was nothing to be jealous of, really. But, at the same time, I couldn’t help but to feel a little covetous. I pulled my hand away from John’s once we were passed security, and began making my way out to the pit, so I could take my place next to the other photographers on tour.

“Acey, wait,” John called behind me, causing me to turn around.

“What?”

“About back there …” He scratched the back of his neck nervously, and shifted his gaze to the floor.

I shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

His green irises looked back up at me and I could see the uncertainty in them. “You know I only want you, right?”

I shrugged once again. “Do you?” Before he could respond, I began walking away, my pace much quicker than before. I took my place in front of the stage, and turned my camera on, adjusting it so I could get a clear picture of the performers. I had only just put it to my eye, when a hand caught my wrist.

“Acey, please don’t be angry with me.”

I sighed and pulled the camera down to my stomach. “I’m not angry with you, John.”

“Then why did you just walk away from me?” he asked, sounding hurt.

“Because as much as I do love spending time with you, I also have a job to do,” I told him.

“Do you remember last night?” I nodded my head. “I’ve never done that for any other girl … sang a song that depicts exactly how I feel. Hell, I’ve never felt this way for any other girl but you, Acey.”

For some reason, him saying that really hit a nerve in me; it scared me. John was already in so deep, and I was still trying to adjust to these feelings that I was getting for him. “John, you have to get ready for the show.”

His eyes seemed to dim a bit, and he dropped his hand from my wrist. “Acey, did you hear what I just said?”

“Yes, John, I heard every word.”

“And you have nothing to say about it?”

“What do you want me to say? I’m giving you a chance at a relationship, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, you are, but you have yet to tell me exactly how you feel about me,” he pointed out.

“Why can’t me giving you a chance, just be enough, John?” I semi-yelled.

I could see his jaw clench, before he began backing away. “You’re right. I have a show to get ready for.” He walked off, leaving me alone.

The lights in the venue dimmed, and Versa took the stage. Despite the fact that I loved Sierra’s voice, and the band itself, I couldn’t concentrate on their performance. I was worried that I had somehow just pulled the last string with John.