Alone With the Sunrise

One Year Later...

I took a deep breath in and pulled open the doors. My first time back at a public school in a year. Hopefully I wasn’t too rusty with my people skills. I don’t talk much, not after the accident, if at all. That’s why I did my schooling online for my junior year, because I refused to talk to anyone, not even my parents or family or closest friends. My best friend, Joel, even stopped talking to me for a while. He just didn’t understand what it was like to lose someone so close, so precious.

“Hey Stephen!” “Welcome back!” was all I heard down the halls as I went to my locker, which was, coincidentally, the same one I had before I left for my online schooling. I just smiled sheepishly and waved. Everyone then started whispering amongst themselves why I left, what happened, why I was acting like this. They were acting like it was fresh news that my girlfriend died in a car accident and I was completely devastated and decided to practically go mute. I rolled my eyes and let it go, slamming my locker door and going to my first hour class, acting like I didn’t exist. That was my goal, wasn’t it? To go on in life unnoticed, so I couldn’t get in the way of anyone else and cause their deaths as well? I sat in the back, thinking that it was a really good idea. I felt like the new kid, seeing all these kids that I didn’t know, most of them sophomores.

I looked around the room and saw Joel come through the doorway. He gasped and threw his books on a random desk, smiling. He didn’t know I was coming back this year.

“Oh my god, dude!” He came over to my desk and I got up, smiling, hugging him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming back!”

I laughed a little and shrugged.

“This year is officially going to rock. And I’m going to get you speaking again, you can’t go around your whole life not talking, it’s not gonna fly, not here.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down, Joel running to grab his books then sitting in the desk next to me.

“Oh, Stephen Jerzak, welcome back!” The teacher came into the room, her name slipped my mind, smiling.

I smiled and waved back.

The room started filling with more people, and everyone kept saying hi and asking how I was feeling. All I did was wave, smile, and shrug. Once the bell rang I was free of questions.

“Alright, now this year, we welcome back Stephen, and we welcome a new student. Everyone say hello to–”

I didn’t catch the name. I was too busy staring at her.

She had wavy brown hair, halfway down her back, bangs swept to the right side, the face of an angel, every feature seemed to be perfectly placed, and the thing I loved most was how blue her eyes were. They stared straight into you with such intensity. She started moving back towards Joel and I, and I got excited. I kept my cool, though, as she sat next to me and smiled at me. I returned the favor.

“What’s your name?” She whispered a little after class started.

I looked at my desk, slightly embarrassed. She didn’t know what happened to me, so she might think there’s something wrong with me mentally that I won’t talk.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Sorry, I forgot.” She apologized.

I looked at her, confused.

“I knew Elizabeth, we weren’t like, best friends or anything, but we were close. She told me all about you, but never introduced us. I heard from some of her friends that were friends with you that you haven’t spoken since the accident. Is that true?”

I nodded, sighing slightly.

“So you’re Stephen Jerzak, right?” She asked.

I nodded again, smiling a bit.

Every girl that’s asked me out I’ve turned down; I don’t think anyone could replace Elizabeth.

Well, I thought. This girl’s starting to get to me, like I’m falling for her.

I grabbed out my notebook and wrote what I wanted to say.

What’s your name? I missed it when I was stunned by your beauty.

I passed her my notebook, blushing. She read it and smiled, looking at me, also blushing. She scribbled something down in response and passed my notebook back.

Ella. I think we should be friends. And I think you should start talking again.

I looked at her, my expression slightly saddened, and wrote:

I don’t like talking, because the last time I spoke it killed Elizabeth, so I feel like if I keep my words on silent, then no one else will die because of me.

I passed her the notebook. When she read it, she grabbed my arm, softly massaging it, then responding.

Your words didn’t kill her, the other driver did. None of this is your fault at all. Don’t be afraid to let your words out. It’s important to do that every once in a while, and once you do, you’ll feel so much better. Trust me.

I looked up at her and smiled sheepishly.

I don’t know if I can.

I can help you. How about we start after school.

Alright, that works. You might just be my lifesaver.

We smiled at each other, then the bell rang.

Two Weeks Later...

I was getting so frustrated with this whole getting my voice back crap. It obviously wasn’t working as well as Ella thought it would, but she keeps insisting that we keep trying.

She was starting to become frustrated with me.

“Come on, Stephen. Is it really that hard to talk? To say just one word? Just say hello. That’s all I’m asking.”

I looked down at my bed, shaking my head, tears starting to come to my eyes.
She punched my bed. “God dammit, Stephen. I know this is gonna be harsh, but here’s the truth. Elizabeth’s gone. She’s never coming back. It’s been a whole year, for crying out loud, you just need to accept that she’s in a better place and move on. Not talking isn’t going to bring her back.”

I looked at her in shock. How the hell could she say something like that? Of course I’m not gonna get over it, she was the best thing that happened to me. She’s gone, yes, and she’s in a better place, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be in a better place.

I shot up off my bed and ran out of the house, Ella calling after me. I completely ignored her and kept walking towards my car, getting in and driving off before Ella could stop me.

I know that it’s bad to drive when you’re mad. That’s what causes most crashes. With that thought, my mind flashed back to the crash, how mangled the metal of both cars were, how horrified I was to see it all happen, hoping that my head would hit something hard enough to knock me out.

Then I saw it.

The huge piece of windshield break off. Go through her.

It went in slow motion, just like a movie; it was so horrible.

My stomach lurched as I pulled into a nearby park, turning off the car in the parking lot before

I completely broke down. That was the first time in months that I’ve had that image in my head, and I was hoping that it’d never come back.

I put my head on the steering wheel, holding my stomach, pretty sure that the pain I was feeling was just an illusion. I felt my tears fall onto my legs as I silently cried there, wishing that I hadn’t run out on Ella, because I really needed a hug.

Almost like it was on cue, I heard someone tap their finger against my car window lightly. I looked up and saw Ella standing there. She had an apologetic look on her face, then held up a notebook saying “I’m sorry :(” in big letters. I opened the door and got out, hugging her tightly as she did the same. We stood there as it started to rain, my tears now blended with the rain falling down my face.

I was the driver in the accident, I wanted to say. I was the one that wasn’t watching where I was going. I was the stupid one who drove into oncoming traffic without looking first.

At least the last thing I said to her was “I love you.”