Gynophobia.

Nathan was lounging in the living room and I just walked through the door. I kept my smile down as I tried to walk past him.

"Taylor. Welcome back." He said in a cheerful voice as he sat up watching me. I sat my bag down and went upstairs. I couldn't be near him for long. I was going to do something irrational. It had gotten so bad since he started living here.

I had joked with him about the scratches to push down the urge to attack him. Subconciously I knew that. The first time I had touched him and the face he made was cute. Even him fainting was cute. I even liked when he looked angry. I wanted so bad to make him talk with me before. And now that he had his voice was so... alluring.

These thoughts had passed my mind all too often and I couldn't keep them away.

I kept having the dreams too. I could feel myself getting pulled into another dream and slipped immediately there.

Nathan was lying on the bed and crying. I felt the coolness of the zipper under my fingers and I heard it zip down. My body was acting on it's own urges. I pushed him from his side to his back and forced my lips to his face. He turned his head and my lips landed on his cheek. I ran my fingers through his hair and moved my lips down to his neck. He moved my hand down into his jeans.

I wanted him, I wanted everything about him.

I woke up gasping for air and sweating like crazy. The inside of my boxers stuck to me. I hurried out of my bed and showered. Nathan was in the next room. I didn't know why he went in there tonight but I was glad. I wiped off the mirror and looked at my reflection. My eyes had bags under them and I could see myself blanching.

I was not able to sleep at all. It was my fault, not his. I had to talk to someone about this. It was probably the reason that I was having these dreams. I needed to get this off my chest. I got dressed in seconds then headed out the door. I closed the door behind me lightly. It was raining tonight and heavily. I walked to the city bus stop and waited for it to come. I got on and got off at the right spot.

I walked to the house as I had plenty of time. I called the house owners cellphone and waited. He picked up groggily and went to the door slowly.

"What bring you here at this hour of the night?" Dayton said rubbing his eyes. I looked at the ground and couldn't meet his eyes.

"I just have to talk to you about something." I said in a low voice. He pulled me in the house and told me to take off my jacket. He went to get something hot to drink and I sat in his family room. He came back with some hot chocolate and sat in his favorite arm chair.

"So tell me about what is ailing you." He said handing me the cup. I looked the the deep brown liquid and tried to force the words out of my mouth.

"I can't have Nathan at the house anymore." I said. I couldn't see the expression on my brothers face but he was probably looking at me disappointed.

"Why so?" He said.

"I can't sleep anymore, every single night I keep having dreams. The dreams are just wrong and it makes me feel sick. But at the same time it makes me..." I said feeling sick to my stomach about it.

"Want to tell me your main point?" He asked. I nodded my head and looked at him.

"I really like guys. As more then friends. Nathan in particular." I said feeling my face get hot and I started to shake slightly. He was silent for a while before sighing.

"I'm not a very smart man but I am good at seeing what's obvious. I could tell that you liked him. I'm glad that you finally came to terms with yourself and you felt that you could tell me. But the question is what else do you have to tell me?" I bent my head down and told him everything. Every feeling that I had felt, every dream that I had and all the insecurities I had about it. In the end he was just nodding his head with a hand over his mouth.

"Alright. Well it's way to late for you to be heading home right now. I'll drive you home after some breakfast. You can stay in the guestroom tonight, just don't ruin my sheets." He said with a bit of humor in the end. I threw the pillow on the couch at him and he chuckled.
I finished the drink and washed out the cup before going to the guestroom. I laid in the bed for a long time before closing my eyes and falling asleep. I felt a little bit lighter but I knew what would really get the guilt off my chest.