Gynophobia.
Hearing the truth.
"I have dreams about you, all the time. That's why you had to leave." Taylor said to me not breaking eye contact as he said it. I looked at him angry. I was feeling upset, sad and utterly befuddled.
"What does this have to do with anything?" I said clenching my fist. He was silent for a while and I could see him bite into his cheek.
"They are lewd and so very fucking wrong. I shouldn't have been having these dreams or having these feelings. They come to me every night, about me holding you, touching you, and doing even worse." With every word he said he looked disgusted with himself. He acted like he was going to just off himself any second. I grabbed his shoulders to keep him still.
"It was a dream. Dreams are meaningless." I said to him. I was a little shocked at what he said but it wasn't like he had did it. It wasn't like he was my mother. He wasn't my mother.
"I raped you in my dream! I liked it! You were crying and pleading with me and I just did it! I RAPED you!" He shouted as he had grabbed onto my shirt and shook me. I had my eyes fixed on him. He was crying and his body was quivering. My body wanted to let go and run away. I felt scared. He had said he raped me. He said that he liked it. I started to let go of Taylor a little. He let go of my shirt and kept crying as he bent down just holding himself.
Was he just like my mother? Thinking about me like she probably did. Wanting me to cry and wanting me to plead with her. But he was crying. I had never seen my mother cry about it. He couldn't even seem to be able to breath as he cried. But my mother had cried before too.
Yet, I didn't want to leave him.
"I'm... not sure about your dreams. And I'm really scared of what you said. However it seems that you really regret what you were dreaming... I want to be your friend Taylor. Even if you don't want me to be because of the dreams. I would understand and not talk to you again." I said looking at him. I could hear his tears subsiding and I heard a small laugh that shook my spine.
"The thing is, I really love you. It's sick. My dreams are so twisted and evil. But what I feel for you is nothing like that. I feel like I could gaze into your deep blue eyes forever. That would just keep me happy. I really don't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you." He whispered and held onto his hair tight. I felt my heart beat faster. It wasn't like how my heart had gotten faster when my mother pressed her advances on me. It was different, it felt better.
"I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm terrified of myself and what I just might do to you. What I could do to you. I don't want to be someone you hate and are frightened of. I need... psychiatric help, I think. It's not normal to have dreams like this." He said lifting himself up with a depressing smile with his eyes gazing at the ground. His eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with tear streaks.
"Taylor." I said and he looked at my face.
"Sorry, I couldn't be a better person for you. I hope you can still see something not so bad about me." He said then left me standing there alone in the dark.
"What does this have to do with anything?" I said clenching my fist. He was silent for a while and I could see him bite into his cheek.
"They are lewd and so very fucking wrong. I shouldn't have been having these dreams or having these feelings. They come to me every night, about me holding you, touching you, and doing even worse." With every word he said he looked disgusted with himself. He acted like he was going to just off himself any second. I grabbed his shoulders to keep him still.
"It was a dream. Dreams are meaningless." I said to him. I was a little shocked at what he said but it wasn't like he had did it. It wasn't like he was my mother. He wasn't my mother.
"I raped you in my dream! I liked it! You were crying and pleading with me and I just did it! I RAPED you!" He shouted as he had grabbed onto my shirt and shook me. I had my eyes fixed on him. He was crying and his body was quivering. My body wanted to let go and run away. I felt scared. He had said he raped me. He said that he liked it. I started to let go of Taylor a little. He let go of my shirt and kept crying as he bent down just holding himself.
Was he just like my mother? Thinking about me like she probably did. Wanting me to cry and wanting me to plead with her. But he was crying. I had never seen my mother cry about it. He couldn't even seem to be able to breath as he cried. But my mother had cried before too.
Yet, I didn't want to leave him.
"I'm... not sure about your dreams. And I'm really scared of what you said. However it seems that you really regret what you were dreaming... I want to be your friend Taylor. Even if you don't want me to be because of the dreams. I would understand and not talk to you again." I said looking at him. I could hear his tears subsiding and I heard a small laugh that shook my spine.
"The thing is, I really love you. It's sick. My dreams are so twisted and evil. But what I feel for you is nothing like that. I feel like I could gaze into your deep blue eyes forever. That would just keep me happy. I really don't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you." He whispered and held onto his hair tight. I felt my heart beat faster. It wasn't like how my heart had gotten faster when my mother pressed her advances on me. It was different, it felt better.
"I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm terrified of myself and what I just might do to you. What I could do to you. I don't want to be someone you hate and are frightened of. I need... psychiatric help, I think. It's not normal to have dreams like this." He said lifting himself up with a depressing smile with his eyes gazing at the ground. His eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with tear streaks.
"Taylor." I said and he looked at my face.
"Sorry, I couldn't be a better person for you. I hope you can still see something not so bad about me." He said then left me standing there alone in the dark.
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So not what you were thinking?Sorry!