Gynophobia.

I had heard my mother gasp I had said "I do". It was her first time hearing me speak in years. I expected it.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me. It was annoying. I was used to being stared at but this was ridiculous. I peeked a look at the courtroom and saw they were all gossiping. I kept my hands where they were at and resisted the urge to run my fingers through my hair. When my mother lawyer got up he was looking upset. He had just lost a big part of his case. From the look on the judges face it seemed my mother was going to jail already. Or maybe a mental institution. Who knows?

"Did you ever put your hands on your mother Nathan?" He asked not even trying to pull me into his ploy.

"Just my hands. Nothing else." I said not removing my eyes from him. He looked like he heard something more then what I had said.

"Did you ever have sexual relations with your mother, and remember you are under oath."

"Consensual or Non-consensual?" I asked, it took him a while to speak back.

"Does that really matter?"

"To me yes." He was losing his point. He hadn't expected me to speak back about it. But if I had to answer a question I had a right to know how I should answer.

"Consensual."

"I would be the one consenting. Not her?"

"Yes, you."

"No, none consensual." The quiet court room was beginning to become more annoying then the rest of them gossiping.

"Remember you have to tell the truth." I saw the smirk on his face and I leered into his eyes.

"I'm already going away from beating my mother. You think I would really care at this point if I go away for rape as well? I didn't rape my mother. If I wanted to have sex with anyone there are plenty of woman in my school for me to be with. I would go as low as to have sex with the woman who had me. That's final, Sir." I said trying to keep from getting out of the chair as my mother had. It was hard keeping my voice even. He looked a bit threatened.

"So you admit you did beat your mother." He said getting back on track.

"Yes, in self defense." I said. He rolled his eyes as if saying, "Likely story".

"Why did you beat your mother?"

"Why do you think?"

"You can't possibly be insisting that your mother had been trying to rape you?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" I heard laughter and his face turned beet red. I kept the smile off my face.

"How could one woman over power you?"

"You ever heard of being bound and gagged? I'm a heavy sleeper on most days. Duct Tape is a convenient thing to have around the house. Can fix a broken door and make sure your son can't move." I said.

"I want that stricken from the record." He said.

"Denied." The Judge said giving him a look that chilled even me. He was just killing himself. I hoped he already got paid.

"Have you ever had sexual relations with any other woman? As you so claimed you could have any woman."

"I never said I could have any woman. Nor have I ever had sex with a woman that was consensual." I said making sure not to say just anybody. No one had to know everything about me.

"If your mother had been raping you all those years then why didn't you say anything?" He said asking a very good question. It took a while for me to answer.

"Have you ever had something really horrible happen to you and you just keep hoping that it was all just a dream and that you'll wake up? Well I haven't woken up from this dream but I'm still hoping for it."

"So you are just refusing to believe it?"

"I can't refuse to believe it. It's been happening for about thirteen years of my life. I just had to try to fight against it. But when I started fighting she decided she liked me better bound then not." I said glancing over at her for a second. She wasn't even looking my way.

"Why didn't you fight back earlier then?" Now he seemed generally interested. Not like a lawyer should have been when trying to defend his client.

"She's my mother. I never wanted to hurt her. But hearing an I love you from her as she's trying to...." I started to say as I veered off.

"I snapped. I didn't mean to hit her. I didn't want to hit her. I just wanted to get away. My body took over and I just... I don't even know. I'm sorry for attacking her. But I'm not sorry for not loving you like she wanted me to. I will never be sorry that I didn't need her like she had needed me." I looked right at her while speaking. She had peeked up and I saw her eyes were bright red and swollen.

"I'm done your honor." Her lawyer said going back to his seat.

"Yeah like an over cooked fish." Judge Bryant had whispered under her breath. When my lawyer came he was looking like a piranha.

"Did you beat your mother to almost the point of death three weeks ago?"

"Yes."

"Did you do it with the intent to kill her?"

"No."

"Did you or did you not call the cops right after you realized what you did?"

"I did."

"What was your reason?"

"To get her off of me."

"What was she doing?"

"Trying to have sex with me."

"Did you consent?"

"No."

"No further questions your honor." He said and turned around. As I walked back to my seat I felt a hand grab me. I yanked away.

"I'm sorry Nathan. I'm sorry." I heard my mother whispering.

"Apology not accepted."